Shades of "Who's on First" with Abbott and Costello......

by Sunnygal41 3 Replies latest social humour

• 

  Sunnygal41

  You thought the original "Who's On First?" routine was funny?
  Try this computer-age version!

  For folks that remember "Who's On First?"
  
  Lou Costello Tries to Buy a Computer from Bud Abbott
  
  
  ABBOTT (behind the counter at: Super Duper computer store): Can I
  help you?
  
  COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den, and I'm thinking
  about buying a computer.
  
  ABBOTT: Mac?
  
  COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.
  
  ABBOTT: Your computer?
  
  COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
  
  ABBOTT: Mac?
  
  COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.
  
  ABBOTT: What about Windows?
  
  COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
  
  ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
  
  COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look in the windows?
  
  ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
  
  COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
  
  ABBOTT: Software for Windows?
  
  COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write
  proposals, track expenses and run my business. What h ave you got?
  
  ABBOTT: Office.
  
  COSTE LLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
  
  ABBOTT: I just did.
  
  COSTELLO: You just did what?
  
  ABBOTT: Recommend something.
  
  COSTELLO: You recommended something?
  
  ABBOTT: Yes.
  
  COSTELLO: For my office?
  
  ABBOTT: Yes.
  
  COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?
  
  ABBOTT: Office.
  
  COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!
  
  ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.
  
  COSTELLO: I already have an office and it has windows! OK, lets just
  say,
  I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type my proposal. What do I
  need?
  
  ABBOTT: Word.
  
  COSTELLO: What word?
  
  ABBOTT: Word in Office.
  
  COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.
  
  ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
  
  COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?
  
  ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W."
  
  COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "W" if y ou don't start with
  some
  straight answers. OK, fo rget that. Can I watch movies on the
  Internet?
  
  ABBOTT: Yes, you want Real One.
  
  COSTELLO: Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of
  your
  business. Just tell me what I need!
  
  ABBOTT: Real One.
  
  COSTELLO: If its a long movie I also want to see reel 2. 3 & 4. Can I
  watch
  them?
  
  ABBOTT: Of course.
  
  COSTELLO: Great, with what?
  
  ABBOTT: Real One.
  
  COSTELLO; OK, I'm at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What do
  I do?
  
  ABBOTT: You click the blue "1."
  
  COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?
  
  ABBOTT: The blue "1."
  
  COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue "W"?
  
  ABBOTT: The blue "1" is Real One and the blue "W" is Word.
  
  COSTELLO: What word?
  
  ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
  
  COSTELLO: But there's three words in "office for windows!"
  
  ABBOTT: No, just one. But it's the most popular Word in the world.
  
  COSTELLO: It is?
  
  ABBOTT: Yes, but t o be fair, there aren't many other Words left. It
  pretty
  much wiped out all the other Words out there.
  
  COSTELLO: And that word is real one?
  
  ABBOTT: Real One has nothing to do with Word. Real One isn't even
  part of
  Office.
  
  COSTELLO: Stop! Don't start that again. What about financial
  bookkeeping,
  you have anything I can track my money with?
  
  ABBOTT: Money.
  
  COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?
  
  ABBOTT: Money.
  
  COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?
  
  ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.
  
  COSTELLO: What's bundled to my computer?
  
  ABBOTT: Money.
  
  COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?
  
  ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.
  
  COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
  
  ABBOTT: One copy.
  
  COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?
  
  ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.
  
  COSTE LLO: They can give you a license to copy money?
  
  ABBO TT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!
  
  COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off??
• 

  Maverick

  I'm ready, hit me! Mav
• 

  Elsewhere

  lol... good one!

  Here is another classic....

  At a computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the
  computer industry with the auto industry and stated :
  "if GM had kept up with the technology like the computer industry has,
  we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."
  
  
  In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating:
  
  If GM had developed technology like Microsoft; we would all be driving
  cars with the following characteristics:
  
  1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.
  
  2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.
  
  3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have
  to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it,
  and reopen the windows before you could continue.
  For some reason you would simply accept this.
  
  4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to
  shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
  
  5. Only one person at a time could use the car unless you bought "CarNT", but then
  you would have to buy more seats.
  
  6. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times
  as fast and twice as easy to drive-but would only run on five percent of the roads.
  
  7. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced
  by a single "General Protection Fault" warning light.
  
  8. New seats would force everyone to have the same sized butt.
  
  9. The airbag system would ask, "are you sure?" before deploying.
  
  10. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let
  you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold
  of the radio antenna.
  
  11. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally
  road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither need nor want them.
  Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car's performance to
  diminish by 50% or more. Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation
  by the Justice Dept.
  
  12. Every time GM introduced a new car, car buyers would have to learn to drive all
  over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
  
  13. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.
• 

  Bubbamar

  You people crack me up!

  And thank god for it!