Would appreciate any comments if possible....thanks in advance. (sorry had to take out the names but I have them all in my actual journal...here's to hoping no one I know finds the journal eh? :) ) Tuesday, August 17th, 2004 12:12 am A Loss for Words... A loss for words is one of the last things I would say for myself when it comes to typing, writing in this journal or writing an e-mail. In person I'm completely different, I don't think I've said 3 or 4 words this whole year at work to most of the bosses. I heard a story once about a person who was blind his entire life ask a man what blue looks like. The man flustered tried to explain what blue was, but nothing he could come up with could truly give blue justice. I mean how do you describe the beauty of the sky, or the deepness of the ocean, the most endless blue you've ever seen, now describe that. It's impossible, or as my Dad says describe the difference in taste between chicken and turkey. A similar situation happened to me today when asked why I left the witnesses. It was like describing blue, some people can see all the discrepencies and some people can't. It would be like how you know you're male vs. female, either you can put the signs together or you can't. Maybe that's not the best example; you see I'm completely speechless. Now I'll have to quote from memory here because for some reason I can't find my Bible (must be due to a severe lack of study) but I remember a scripture saying "you will know my followers from they love amongst themselves." I felt that was not something to be described as a Witness. There was another scripture "Do not tell your brother 'let me extract the splinter in your eye' when you have a rafter in your own". I felt that described well the Elders and more so the Elder's children in my congregation. Or the scripture talking about the time of the end "No one knows the day or the hour", which I felt my entire life I was told, "you'll never make it through High School", then "You'll never make it through college" now I'm gone I'm wondering if they're telling my friends "Don't bother saving up for retirement, it'll never make it that far."? I would love to say it was one big event, one monumentous moment in which I realized this is truly not the right religion. It was mostly the people, too many mistakes and things going wrong for God to be in control. I mean we all have stories of injustice in the congregation, I don't think ALL OF US should have at least one story of injustice in the congregation. I never paid attention to prophesy that much in my time as a witness so my scriptures vs. Watchtower is lacking to say the least but the one thing that I remember standing out was the 1914 generation. When I was at the Stone St. bookstudy I remember Al S____ would always somewhat field questions that people in the bookstudy had. Al was a nice guy, he played guitar with my father (hmmm I wonder if he played the strip clubs like my father :) ) I remember one meeting in particular which I don't really remember the date but I'm pretty sure it was winter and I was around 13 because Crystal was still around at this point (but not in the bookstudy) 1993 was an awful long time for the generation to be around on earth. Especially since the generation started with "Everyone who had an idea or understood what was going on" to "Anyone alive at that time" to "if they were born in that year" till "about 80 years" and now it was rapidly going past 80 years. I remember my mother giving me examples of people in Russia who grew to be 120 years old. Then in a questions from the readers the Watchtower tried to explain this, Al read it to the group saying pretty much to the effect "some of you are questioning whether the 1914 generation should be longer than originally intended, this is by no means the case, the 1914 generation will remain the same." Everybody felt relieved. Then they changed the interpretation the next month. I'm a smart guy I think (165 IQ baby) the ever changing light doctrine, the light getting brighter and so forth is supposed to make me believe you more? As in "other religions don't admit they're wrong, while we do." The publications would always condemn Catholics for things like the Inquisition which happened in the Middle Ages, "if they were truly the right religion..." or the sex allegations in the Priesthood, I remember that being in Brother C____'s presentation and a staple of my mother's catholic bashing. Well what about in the 20's - 50's when Vaccines were considered wrong due to the same principle as blood transfusions, and if the priesthood is bad about molestation check out Silent Lambs....Hello Pot, This is Kettle, YOU'RE BLACK! The thing is religion is based on faith. My mother is a sincere Jehovah's Witness, she believes with her whole heart and whole mind and whole soul (that's the way it was said right?), I could point these things out to her all day and she wouldn't believe. I could show her every single miscommunication, misprint, misinterpretation, errors in translation, errors in judgement, errors in publication and she would claim the ever changing light. I could show her an Elder robbing an old woman out of her savings by robbing a bank, raping a cockerspaniel, french kissing a guy, while sticking an aids infected needle in his ass and saying "you like that you little pussy bitch don't you" and she would say that "there are imperfect people in Jehovah's Orginization". Faith is what religion is all about, if you have faith, you believe things will be fixed (at God's almighty day I guess), if you're a realist or don't have faith you'll try to fix it yourself, once you realize one person can't fix a multi-million person orginization you leave. I can't shatter anybody's faith, Nazi's couldn't break people's faith, the depression couldn't break people's faith, the Egyptians didn't break the Jew's faith, the Romans couldn't break the Christian's faith, Michael Moore can't break President Bush's faith (LOL). If I could break people's faith I would use it for something a little more important than getting someone out of a religion. They have to want to be out before they will get themselves out. Like a person have to take a cold remedy if they want to be healed of the flu. One's eye cannot be opened until they tell them to be opened. I wish I had a scripture to end this with but once again because I can't find my Bible (an hour later WTF?!?!) I leave with my mother's old presentation for the Truth book (or was it Mankind's search for God) "We encourage you to examine your religion and take an open an honest look inside the religion, at those who are in charge and those in places of power. Do they reflect the personality that God's wants us to put on? Do they show the righteousness described in the Bible? When you look at it's devotees do they show the love Jesus described that would be found in his congregation? And of your doctrine does it follow the Bible exactly with no deviation or special interpretation? We encourage you to read the literature I just gave you with an open mind and ask yourself with an open heart am I truly serving God how he wants to be served?" That's enough for tonight, join me tomorrow when I discuss the politics of wrestling, the many uses of a hammerlock and why I called my finisher "The Double Cheese Rabbit" (too much witness reality in this post, need some humor)
Something I posted in my LiveJournal....
by Tuesday 6 Replies latest jw friends
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ColdRedRain
I would be able to make a comment on it if you formatted it better.
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Netty
Hi there, I can relate to what you said about how it was not one big event that made you realize things. Thats the way it was for me too, a slow process. Also, I know what it is like to have this realization about the hyprocrisy, false prophecies, general garbage teachings, and to know that you absolutley cannot convince your loved ones (like you I think my mom is the more stubborn, sometimes I think if I presented it at the right moment, I might get my dad thinking a little) because they are so deeply brainwashed they have a canned/practiced response for everything you would present, provided by the society. This is a difficult thing, I know. If I have to hear that expression one more time "the light keeps getting brighter" God, that irks me to no end.
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Tuesday
Sorry about the formatting, was on a Mac last night.
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seeitallclearlynow
A similar situation happened to me today when asked why I left the witnesses. It was like describing blue, some people can see all the discrepencies and some people can't. It would be like how you know you're male vs. female, either you can put the signs together or you can't.
I like that Tuesday, and I agree fully - "It would be like how you you're male vs female." So true!
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littletree
i have the same issue about my mother- how she's so quick to fault other religions about their wrongs, but the Organization can do no wrong. it's so frustrating. i also was gradually fed up, especially by the 1914 stuff. tuesday, keep writing- it really helps to clear the mind... littletree
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Larry
Tuesday - Great piece. I think this is exactly why we have boards like this - They help us release??..
Good question - "how do you describe blue to a person who never saw blue before?" It can't be done, at least from our perspective. But a blind person has ways of 'seeing' that we are not aware of. I once heard from a blind person that "seeing is not only done with the eyes."
Anyway, I like the analogy of describing something never seen before, because in ties in with your point about faith. I don't have the faith in religion, nor do I want it. Faith is a must in religion, and it's true, you can't shatter anyone faith b/c the power to believe in something other than yourself is overwhelming. But what I don't like regarding people with so called faith is that they use selected reasoning (from the scriptures :) and logic to validate many of their points, but when you use the same reasoning and logic they hide behind 'faith.' I think if they have real faith then they shouldn't try to explain a point based on logic, reason, or fact b/c real faith stands on it's own.
Continuing on your analogy of something never seen before - Most religions are based on other peoples experience (so called) with God (vision, mountain top, dreams, lighting, etc.) I think if a person had an experience with God, then it's the persons experience - it's personal. No matter how they describe it no one will ever understand the fullness of that unique experience. That's why it's difficult for me to accept any religion, b/c it was based on someone else's experience w/ God and not mine. If God really wanted me to know something, I feel that he/she/it would tell me directly - no middle man. Interestingly, other people will take another person's experience w/ God and revised the whole event as if it was 'Gospel' and force it on others - even others in a totally different culture.
You mentioned - Elder's children. What a joke :) I can't speak for others, but the Elder's children I've seen in the BORG had a terrible 'stay in the BORG' percentage. Maybe 1% of all Elder's children I've known, stretching over 30 years, stayed in the BORG in their adult life.
I felt the same way as you when you said "It was mostly the people, too many mistakes and things going wrong for God to be in control." - Amen to that. The logic they taught me to have was the same logic that made me open my eyes. And talk a about, Pot, Kettle, and Black "if the priesthood is bad about molestation check out Silent Lambs"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
When you said " I can't shatter anybody's faith...They have to want to be out before they will get themselves out." It reminds me of a saying "When the student is ready the teacher will come." Also, it's a good thing we can't shatter people's faith, b/c if we shatter it then we have to be responsible for them to recover from a life time of deception - Whew, what a heavy responsibility.
Finally, you kept mentioning that you didn't have your bible, but you reminded me of when Thomas Paine wrote 'The Age of Reason" and he was locked up with no bible, but was able to precisely prove his points against the Bible being from God by memory (in part 1 or 2). Your arguments were also pretty clear from memory.
Looking forward to reading more from your Journal.
Peace - Larry :)