I recently found your site while searching for information about JW. I have been dating a JW for almost a year now and began a thread on the subject. A few of the wonderful people who responded to me actually shared some of their experiences growing up as a child in a home with one parent who is a JW and one who isn't. I think this type of information will be extremely helpful when talking with my boyfriend about our future. I am concerned about our future children and would like him to see that my concerns are real. He has a parent who is JW and one who is not, however, they divorced when he was very young and he was raised by the parent who is a JW. I would appreciate any experiences you are willing to share. Thank you again for all of your kindness.
Growing up in home with one JW parent and one non JW parent
by jwgirlfriend 8 Replies latest watchtower bible
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M.J.
I don't have any first hand experience with this. But my situation is similar to yours except unlike yours its too late for me to turn back. I have a JW spouse and young children. My greatest fear is having these children raised in this organization. This collision course I am on has become a source of stress, anxiety, and real emotional low points, as I frantically and constantly battle to find a light at the end of the tunnel. What I wouldn't give to go back and be in your shoes, while I still had a choice in the matter of where my path would lead me to. Please consider your plight carefully. In your case it will be 100 times worse than mine because he will consider himself the head of the family. Consider the divisions that will develop within your family due to their special set of rules. Consider what your kids may go through in school. What if one of your kids needs a blood transfusion to save his life? What if your husband dies due to refusing a transfusion, leaving you alone with your kids? Don't blow this question off...it very nearly happened to me.
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Soledad
I grew up in this type of home, and it was extremely tough. I always felt that in order to please my mother, I had to demonize my father and reject him for not being a witness. It caused tremendous heartache in my life. I couldn't bear the thought of losing him forever in the battle of armageddon. Please, consider it carefully. Chances are your husband will want to raise your children in the cult, and that means no holidays, no birthdays, no nothing. In addition, your kids will invariably feel divided---which parent do they love? Because they'll feel like they can't love both.
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BluesBrother
I was brought up in a home where Mum was a witness, but Dad was not.. Like 99% of other cases the Witness influence was the stonger and I became a dub and remained so for the best part of my life. My sister still is "In " as are her children and grandchildren
I gather that your boyfriend wishes to continue, or pickup again the witnesses after you have married.. Some thoughts.
He will be viewed as having committed a grave sin by not "Marrying in the Lord" 1 Cor 7.39
His unbelieving wife will be an outsider, unless you join as well
As "Head of the House" he will be obliged to train any children to be J W's , bringing them up in the "discipline and mental regulating of Jehovah . Eph 6.4
An active dub goes to 3 meetings a week and and regularly uses around half a day in Field Service
I hope you think everything through very well...
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Nathan Natas
It's good that you recognize some of the problems that the JW cult would bring into a relationship, but you need to realize the mistake you are making if you believe that he will change because (or for) you.
An essential and usually overlooked fact of life is that GUYS DON'T CHANGE.
It doesn't matter if he's a Dub, a Krishna, a doper, a dealer or a player - HE WILL NOT CHANGE.
What this means is that you are better off saving your time and energy to find a guy who doesn't need to be CHANGED to be right for you. He's out there, but you're not going to find him at the Kingdom Hall.
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Nosferatu
My mother became a JW when I was five years old. My father was completely against the religion, but still occasionally made me go with my mother. I guess he thought it was good for me. My father went with the whole getting rid of birthdays and holidays thing, since he's a cheap bastard and didn't like spending money.
The two religious differences caused some problems, mainly when it came to raising me in the troof. My mother insisted on beating the shit out of me because the bible said to "use the rod". My father was against my mother's method of discipline and defended me a few times. I was always threatened with more beatings if I told my father what she had done to me.
There were also problems when it came to having worldly friends and dating women. My father had no problem with me being around "worldly" people, but my mother did her best to restrict any association outside the JWs. Even when I dated a girl who was studying, it was still a problem since she wasn't baptized, and neither of us had reached "maturity" yet (ie. age 20).
My father started studying and attending meetings when I was 12 years old. He had a nervous breakdown and my mother sat reading him Watchtower magazines for days, which is probably why he took an interest (he was at a weak point). However, my father always had problems with some of the Society's teachings which is probably why he never got baptized nor went door to door.
Now that I've moved out on my own, I see how miserable my parents are together. My mother can't stand my dad, but she cannot leave him. She has no choice but to remain in an unhappy marriage because the bible commands it. My mother is convinced that it's doing me good to continue her marriage (she was previously divorced from my brother's dad). She's setting a poor example of how a "happy" marriage functions. I've encouraged her to leave many times, but she's convinced that staying with my asshole father (heavy gambler, manipulative, controlling) is best for me.
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Soledad
My father went with the whole getting rid of birthdays and holidays thing, since he's a cheap bastard and didn't like spending money.
OMG this describes my father to a tee!!
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kls
That is how my children were raised ,my husband the JW and me a an evil apostate. If i knew he was never going to leave the cult ,i should have divorced him long ago and he never would have custody of his kids to raise in a cult. I allowed my children all the wonderful things kids should be able to enjoy and it was a fight all the way.
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Nosferatu
Soledad, the only time I remember getting a birthday present from my father was when it was a bribe. He gave me money a few times as long as I was doing what he wanted. He bought a bottle of wine for my 20th birthday when I was going out past my curfew every night. My 20th birthday was my most miserable birthday.
Because I moved out (which he didn't want), I didn't get a birthday present this year. My father is Santa Claus.