Holidays and kids once you are out of the Org

by Iforget 7 Replies latest social family

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  Iforget

  My son was born after I faded. His dad and I always have had Christmas (father never was JW). We celebrate his birthday and we do Easter. I am now married to a man who was raised Catholic and is WILD about holidays. My ex (son's father) is remarried and they do it up big as well.

  Sometimes I feel like a misfit. I never believed in Santa. I never had a tree. I never did any of their usual customs. Now it's weird to raise my child and go thru the motions with him. I will not lie to him and tell him Santa is real. I will not lie and decorate for the bunny. I love the celebrations for him because of the family and dinner and the fun. Beyond that it's hard for me. I know the effects of the religion will always be with me but I want my son to have a normal life. I LOVE his birthday though. I love the day I gave birth to him. I love God for giving him to me. I will NEVER have a problem with his birthday or my husbands. But Christmas and Easter are hard. Anyone else have a point of view on this?
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  XQsThaiPoes

  I know I am still a JW, but if I ever left I would not pick up holidays. Maybe if I was in a more festive culture where the whole city throws a party (like mardegras) I could see it. I dont see scheduling your purchases because it is a certain day. I truely believe the JWs argument that a gift is best when it is unexpected. I am not saying these holiday celebrations are wrong (even if some are historically inacurate) just saying it is not something I would do even if I could.
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  recoveringjw

  I don't have kids, but I have two nieces that I am very close to. When my sister and I left the organization, we started celebrating b-days, Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas. But, we do it for mostly the same reasons you mention---to be with family. We don't ever focus on the presents----that is not what it is about. Actually, we usually help the girls make things for everyone, so that they know that what they are giving and getting is special.

  My husband LOVES Christmas and we (my family) have sort of stopped calling it Christmas because we aren't Christian. We have just changed it to celebrating Winter and ourselves. :)

  X--yeah, an unexpected gift is usually the best kind. In the real world though, people can't always get together on the spur of the moment. I doubt very much that the only time Iforget gives her son gifts is a b-day or Christmas.
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  Netty

  Hi there,

  The holidays for me are all about watching my children, be able to participate in all those fun things I never go to do as a kid. It is just wonderful to watch. They have lots of cousins, (all age 6 and under) and for them to play with their cousins is so great. We had lots of cousins, but were always the misfits in the family because we didnt get to do the holidays. I dont really think too much about what the religious meaning is, whether or not there really is a Santa Claus, I just completely throw myself into the enjoyment of watching my kids have so much fun.

  I do feel a little bit lonely around holidays, I crave my family since it is such a family time. So ther is just that very small part of me, that gets sad. But the good far out weighs the bad. I am actually to the point that I look forward to the holidays.

  I say get into it, I think you'll have alot of fun, even if it is just by watching your children have fun.
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  kj

  I was never a JW, but I still have a hard time getting that "warm fuzzy" feeling about Christmas or Easter. They are both so commercialized, the religious meaning is kind of lost. And my family is so dysfunctional, it just is not a fun time.

  I have good memories of Christmas when I was a kid. The funny thing is, most of them of are of spending time at my Grandma's house and she was a JW. She never gave us presents, and didn't decorate, but it was always so nice to see all my aunts, uncles, and cousins. She died 14 years ago, and the holidays just aren't fun anymore. I mostly miss all my fun relatives- they have either died or been sucked into the cult themselves and are much more rigid than my Grandma was about family get-togethers on holidays.

  Birthdays are cool, though. I don't care much about mine, but I had a great time celebrating my son's first birthday. I don't think there's anything wrong with letting someone you love know you are happy they've been with you another year. And I don't need an occasion to buy him presents, I spoil him rotten all year long

  kj
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  Teela

  Tell me about it. Brought up in the borg left in my teens. Am now 41 and last xmas was standing in the shop full of xmas decorations I sudden realized I didn't know how to decorate a xmas tree. Almost cried with a sense of saddness about another part of my life missed out on.
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  Purza

  We just started celebrating the holidays this past year. My teenage daughter is very much into it. Today she asked me for something and I said no. And she said. . . "well christmas is coming up". I get very weirded out when I hear her say that. The fact that holidays are so wrong is ingrained in my mind -- I celebrate them because its fun, but my heart is not really in it. I sometimes feel like I am in limbo -- and like I am doing something wrong. It is a strange feeling and I hope it will go fade with time.

  My BF asked if we could get a tree this year -- last year I said okay to lights on the house -- but I don't know if I can handle a tree. We did go to Sears after christmas last year and we bought two reindeer that are full of lights for the front lawn. LOL I guess I might as well give in and get a tree. Sigh. . .

  Purza
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  Uzzah

  I celebrated the past 5 Christmas' with my Father. Tree, lights, ham the whole works. I fell into it as if I had been doing it my whole life when in fact five years ago was my first. To see the look on my dad's face that first christmas, having one of his other children there with him, that was present enough for me.
  
  I don't have kids but for the past 3 years I have played the role of Santa for a charity breakfast. This past year some of the repeat kids brought me lists and pictures and one little girl brought 'santa' her own home made cookies (I was warned by her mother not to eat them ... she needed white glue to 'keep them together just right'.
  
  To share in a child's delight in Christmas just makes that time of year even more special.
  
  Should I ever have a family, I am afraid I will be one of those dad's who do the lights, the tree, caroling the whole nine yards.
  
  Easter has no real meaning to me. But I enjoy celebrating other people's birthdays. Mine are no big deal.
  
  Uzzah