My non-jw family's 1st memorial

by christopherrobin 2 Replies latest jw experiences

  • christopherrobin
    christopherrobin

    It was right before I was apponted an M.S. I was also dating a young sis at the time and was so thrilled that my family would see the beauty of this 'spiritual paradise'. My mom and three sisters went and my mother was clear that she would not tolerate anything to embarass me.(my sisters turn into giggle factories when they are together)--They were likely doing shots before we left (kind of like me before I finally left in the late 90's) -----"brother, we need to bring to your attention that some of the 'friends' smelled hard liquor on your breath."----Yeah, what else is new!!! My marriage sucked, the meetings were ridiculous, I was dreading going home at night, waiting for the next fight over something stupid ( will demons come in our home if you watch boxing or rated-R movies )?--Anyway @ their 1st memorial, they get the typical warm fuzzy greetings that I hope will 'lasso' them in to this org. We settle in and sing our 1st song---------ONLY----------a new bro. moved into our hall who had mental probs. ( inbreeding and drug use by mom during pregnancy )----- He Sang the 1st Song Like a Cross Between Munchkins, Stevie Nicks, and Pavarroti. THE LOUDEST, SHAKIEST, MOST OBNOXIOUS, MOST HILARIOUS SOUND I HAVE EVER HEARD !!! ( THIS COMING FROM SOMEONE WHO HAS HEARD ALOT OF DRUNKEN KARAOKE)

    My sisters start chuckling, but the more they try to stifle it the louder they get. At the same time there were SERIOUS, DIE-HARD WITNESSES who were going to the back during the song to go outside because THEY could not hold THEIR cackling down! IT WAS A RIOT. ( there were elders in the lobby doubled over in laughter)

    My mom is being serious (which makes my sisters more giddy)--and she starts to pinch them to tell them to behave----They were between 21 and 29 yrs. old.

    The song drags on for 3 full verses and witnesses are either laughing in their seats or excusing themselves (at this point my mom is disgusted but starts to loosen up and join EVERYONE'S hilarity).

    Just before prayer the song is winding down and one of my sisters looks at the sister in front of her ( who was the overweight mother of my best friend, )---and ----notices !!!-----HER DRESS WAS CRAMMED UP IN HER BUTT CRACK AND SHE WAS JUST SINGING ALONG LIKE THERE WAS NO TOMORROW . --- She nods at my other two sisters to glance at her line of sight and RIGHT BEFORE THE PRAYER STARTS---all three are looking at this sis. with the moo-moo creeping up her large, expansive bootie ( mom notices this as well as figures "what the hell else can go wrong here"? )

    During the prayer my sisters were VERY noticeable in their gigling--which again, got worse as they were scolded "NOT TO EMBARASS YOUR BROTHER" ----as my middle sister let out one very loud " HAHHH" ---loudest guffaw I ever heard.

    I am sure some witnesses were disgusted at my fam's disrespect for kingdom song and approach to the ruler of the universe, but I thought it was a fun change of pace that showed that it is OK to let loose and allow certain situations to let you laugh, get silly, and disrupt the "propriety of serious occasions. "

    FUNNEST MEETING I EVER WENT TO !!!!! :-)

  • Snapdragon
    Snapdragon

    Great story, it reminded me suddenly of many funny stories as well.

    They all pretty much delt with the dress sucked into the black-hole-of-a-large-ass-crack. But imagine that....(while sitting behind the person) and the ass had popped out through the back side of the folding chair.

    Hard to hold in the laughter. I was pretty much sick from choking on my giggles! Especially since this person was my own family member, and I happened to be sitting behind her for the first time, ever. I looked over in horror to my friend I was with, she just nodded in sad acknowledgment.

    Good times at the hall

  • need for speed
    need for speed

    The craziest memorial I've been to is this. I was about 10 years old a usual forced to go to the memorial no mater how much i begged and lied to stay and do my homework i was still forced. During the part when the bread is passed around i saw a old jw with many helth problems even had an oxegn machine attached to him.Anyway the bread got to him and he looked at it and then picked it up now all the elders stood up in a funny motion he opened his mouth to ACTUALLY EAT THE BERAD!!!. now u had to be there to see the commotion of the elders and the look on everybody face but an elder got him before he at it. I belive that he was just a study.

    need for speed

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