Im 17, baptized, parents are baptized, dads a MS. been baptized for 5 years now. Ive never had a relationship with god all my life. I only got baptized to impress this girl i like. lol. Its my senior year and I declare to make my way out. I was antisocial all my high school life because I didnt think it was possible for anything happening between me and my classmates. But a month ago at work, i work with my dad btw which is going to make this story ironic lol.
this chick at work became interested in my life and noticed i didnt want to be a witness. i guess she sort of freed me by taking me to parties and hanging out with me for 2 weekends. then she stopped for awhile. i found her journal which didnt note a crush on me or anything, then i started my own online journal and expressed my feelings in it. and i put it in my instant messanger profile. one night when she got on, we chatted, and i guess she read my journal and subscribed to it at the same time. in it i said this:
"A few weeks ago i met this girl at work, or should i say she met me. she invited me to hang out with her friends and party. she showed me the life i wish i had. at first she had confused me with her signals of calling me up and flirting with me. but now i think i understand, she wanted to know her boss's son. but after 2 weekends of me hanging with her and her friends, i think she has lost interest in me. i notice the flirting stopping, the replies to my txt messaging not coming. i felt insignificant again. and to think i started working more hours just to be around her to get that chance. but i tried to make matters better by stopping by work "to pick up drinks for my friends" but to really talk to her and ask her out. i need someone to talk to. life is pathetic, she was not at work. this girl, i felt like, she was one of a kind. shes smart, she has deep thoughts, she is beautiful. i dont want it to end. shes a really fun person, best of all, very unique. if there is anything i can do to make things work i would do it. my time with her was the best time ever in my life. i hope in the future i will have times like these again. but it still frustrates me that im left again in loneliness."
We chatted all night and she told me she wasnt avoiding me, shes just very busy. in the chat, she said she isnt looking for commitment because of the guys at her high school are immature, and so I ask her if she thinks Im immature. she says no, and i ask her since you dont think immature, want to do something just as friends. she agrees. the next day i see her with 2 guys and i write in my journal this:
"I was looking forward to seeing kara.
We seemed to really connect on last nights chat. but as i came up to work i saw her hanging out with 2 dudes, which was kind of annoying. well when we chatted she said she was a very busy person like she had no time for me, so i just disregarded the annoyance because i could talk to her on break. i covered the frustration with a smile, as always. smiling always makes things better, you are more easy to be approached and it makes the day better. during my shift one of my workmates offered to trade me hours so i could work later. i took his offer to work till 10 in hopes that ill get a better chance to talk to her. and so she was going on her break, but she was with a lot of her guy friends too. maybe im jealous or wanted to talk 1 on 1 or i was too held up in the kitchen. i finally got to take my break once it slowed down, outside by myself, thinking about the day. i really felt the vibe that she doesnt want to talk to me anymore or isnt interested in me as a friend atleast. maybe im more like the insignificant guy-who-works-at-my-work-place. i hate being played, it freaking sucks.
The rest of the evening was crap because she wouldnt talk to me. i came home feeling like crap, so i did some physical exercises to free my mind from the frustration and stress. and to start off my weekend i have to go to work in 4 hours to clean the parking lot. damn i really hope i wont be lonely this weekend. no one deserves to live a life like this. i freaking try so hard and it never seems to accomplish anything."
I wasnt expecting her to read that. but the next day, surprisingly she was very nice, and asked me to go on break with her and again today. there were 2 guys that i think she knew but didnt talk to them whenever we were on break, she only waved bye. not only that but all of her friends comment in my journal now and everyone at work thinks we are in some kind of relationship. lol. not only that but im cool with everyone at school. my life is going to be so great once im out of the house and this religion completely. i regret my past but i really did learn something from it.