in another thread we've been discussing suicide..

by candidlynuts 4 Replies latest jw friends

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  candidlynuts

  and how to take the threat of suicide seriously.

  i was wondering if anyone whos been in abusive/controlling relationships have had a spouse threaten to kill him/herself to get you to do something their way?

  my experience: when the ex cheated on me and i was going to leave, and he seen i was serious about leaveing he threatened to kill himself several times . getting real upset and turning the situation to where I had to comfort HIM. i told the elders about it and they said he's just trying to manipulate you so that i'd do what he wants ( and it worked) and one elder (which blew my mind) told me to tell him if he's going to kill himself to slit his wrists vertically instead of horizontally. i hated the ex for what he'd done but the thought of him killing himself and it being my fault was killling me..so i stayed.
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  frenchbabyface

  my experience: when the ex cheated on me and i was going to leave, and he seen i was serious about leaveing he threatened to kill himself several times . getting real upset and turning the situation to where I had to comfort HIM. i told the elders about it and they said he's just trying to manipulate you so that i'd do what he wants ( and it worked) and one elder (which blew my mind) told me to tell him if he's going to kill himself to slit his wrists vertically instead of horizontally. i hated the ex for what he'd done but the thought of him killing himself and it being my fault was killling me..so i stayed.

  Well Candi ... You're not gonna like what I'm gonna say ... but when something like that happen ... but doing what he did just deserved a SLAP !!! (maybe 2)

  (of course it was manipulative _ ask for forgiveness or understanding would have been not manipulative _ on his kneese if necessary _ it doesn't kill and it's also manipulative but gives you a little feeling of Ok that's too much get on your feet lets talk cause we need a break _ but NO he was talking about the worse : killing himself for you to feel guilty when he was and would be the guilty one : means bring something worse on the table against you : AGAIN)
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  BrendaCloutier

  Candi - I am amazed at the advice you recieved from the elders. They must not have like him.

  Yeah, happened to me, sort of.

  First marriage, you read it in the Suicide thread: I was in process of leaving, within a week or so I was out of there. Hubby found out about the affair and that I didn't care. He wrote a note, took everything he could find in the house and drank whatever alcohol he had. Then he thought about it and called his brother.

  I visited him in the hospital and saw him there, pale, with blue lips and blue around his eyes. I didn't feel sorry for his arse, after all he had done to me, but felt it was sort of my obligtion to be there as his wife. He was release a couple days later to his brother's and my custody, and we went to a therapist together.

  A couple days later I had solo appt with the therapist and he confronted me. Something to the affect that I wasn't in the room when hubby and I were there together, that he spoke for me, etc. How did I feel. Well, I told him what our marriage had been like with the alcohol abuse and beatings. He gave me permission to leave. I left within a couple days - moved in with my parents for a month. (Oh gawd, right back into the JW fire, but that's another thread for another time maybe).

  So in response, no, I've not had anyone threaten suicide just to manipulate me, but my 1st hubby was manipulative anyway, even though he actually tried.

  Hugs

  Bren
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  Been there

  My cousin was married to a wife beater. Everytime she was on her way to leaving, he would hang himself and she would save his sorry butt just in time and she would feel bad and stay. Finally she had enough and left him.

  He was living with a woman for many years. They were fighting alot and she left him. She went back to get some things, they fought and he went into the bathroom and locked the door. I guess he got his timing wrong because she couldn't save him as usual. He died that night. He hurt alot of people, mostly his three children who totally loved him. He used hanging for years to manipulate. He finally ran out of luck. He never planned to die.

  Knowing how he beat his women, he's lucky I was never in charge of braking down the bathroom doors to save him. I would have called a locksmith and you know how long it takes to find a number in the yellow pages. My cousin and I snuck around for years to see each other because he would beat her if he knew we were together.
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  kls

  Those are demons i fight constantly even knowing the stigma that is left to the family. The thought of my kids bring me back to reality but as soon as things get tough my mind goes right back. I have tried to die in many ways and always seem to make it through. Did i do this for sympathy ? part of me says yes but the other part really wanted to die for the hurt to stop and the pain of memories as a kid to stop. So i think the bottom line is yes i think most attempted suicides are for some sympathy but yet they do have the will to die for the pain to just disappear.