I have avoided all of the recent posts on racism and I can’t be bothered to read let alone post on a topic once it gets past 3 pages. I don’t want to start anything here. I’d rather not have any replies of agreement or disagreement, I just want to state some things about my values and the problems I face bringing up my son.
I am an English born white male of mixed Anglo-Irish descent. My mother’s grandparents were all Irish and my paternal grandfather married my Irish grandmother (Roman Catholic) while serving as a British soldier in Ireland prior to WW1. I grew up (the first 10 years) in the inner city area of a large English industrial town. I went to early grade school where the kids in most of my classes were from at least 7 different countries and where me, being white, was a minority. I can’t remember racism being an issue in those years and being in an inner-city JW congregation was well used to living and socializing in mixed race communities. In fact as a 7 year old I must have thought that all British schools were like mine and never noticed that all the illustrations in reading books were of white families. (I must mention that my mother had strong socialist feelings prior to being a JW and adopting JW ideas about equality of races was never a problem.)
I didn’t really experience racist views and actions until I lived in Australia and saw the way Italian kids were treated and abused by the “white” Australian and British kids. (It’s hardly a color issue it’s degrees of tone and at that a skin tone most white people aspire to when they go on a Mediterranean vacation) Then again, when we moved back to Britain and lived in a predominantly white town I saw the same abuse of black kids (mainly of Caribbean origin). However, the JW community still had a slightly more than community average ethnic mix and I knew lots of Witnesses from the big city. During the 70’s a and 80’s I attended lots of mixed-race weddings and when I met someone to marry she was a newly baptized girl of mixed English and Afro-Caribbean heritage. We are now divorced and I remarried but we have a son who we share custody of.
I now live in a suburb of the Twin-cities in Minnesota, a predominantly white middle-class neighborhood. My son, who is of mixed race, regards himself as white and other than his deep tanned summer complexion (to be envious of) looks like any other white kid. He is an opinionated 13 year old prone to sweeping stereotypical statements about gay people and people of color. Yes, he questions how come a black person is driving a Mercedes and assumes illegal income rather than success in business/life! Despite knowing very well a black family whose wealth (family income was at least 10 times mine) derived from employment with a NFL Football team, he falls for the same stereotypical images he gets from other kids or is often portrayed on TV.
I sometimes think nothing I say gets through to him and we sometimes have very lively dinner conversations. But we do try to broaden his outlook on life. We, as a family, assist each month with providing meals for the homeless. We wait tables one Sunday in the month as part of an arrangement of several city churches in Minneapolis. The homeless of Minneapolis are white, black, Hispanic and Native American. No one questions why they are poor, why they are living on the streets, it is just a means of helping people who need help. I think it is good that my son sees that not everyone is as fortunate as he is and that circumstances either accidental or not can quickly turn your life upside-down. My son often complains about joining my wife and I at “Sunday night supper” but once he is there he works really hard and I think enjoys working amongst adults. I think he likes to help and feels the effort is worth it when a person thanks you with a smile and a handshake.
The other experience my son had recently was a biking/camping trip with a group of kids mainly from inner city suburbs. He gets along well with other kids, makes friend quickly despite being an only child. Mrs Thirdson reminded him that many of the kids are not as well off as he is and told him not to make assumptions about what everyone else has. (One kid’s dad and older brother are in prison and has a tough life being raised by his grandmother and this was about the best recreational trip he had ever been on.) My son had a great time cycling 50 miles a day for a week. The group bicycled into rural Wisconsin and even had their picture taken for a small town newspaper. However, he said numerous times local residents and car drivers shouted out racial insults aimed at the black kids in the group. At one point two white guys in a pick-up truck stopped to ask my son what he was doing riding with a group of n*****s.
I think the experience, good and bad was beneficial for my son. Later this summer he will join some of those same kids on another camp trip.
I don’t profess to understand or really know what it is like to be the subject of racism. I am an immigrant in a new land but being white and speaking English as a first language, albeit with an accent, makes a big difference. I don’t complain if a segment of society changes the designation of its ethnicity in order to move away from old and historical forms of segregation. I don’t doubt I have made bad judgements in my life based on ignorance, fear and assumption due to the outward appearance of people. I guess I still will and I think that is a common human failing and mine too. Like everyone else I think my views are right but I hope I can still change mine and can be convinced I am wrong on occasion. I hope I can instill in my son some of my values and give him the insight in life I had growing up and that he doesn’t become a person whose life experience if of just the “white” suburbs. At least Mrs Thirdson supports me in this and as someone who works in community help projects as a vocation continues to keep me advised of the issues we face as a multi-racial society.
I want my son to appreciate his heritage and not be afraid to admit it. After all, he has many of the qualities of his mother and I used to love her and found her very attractive not least because of her heritage.
Thirdson
'To avoid criticism, say nothing, do nothing, be nothing'