Advice needed

jt stumbler

I'm a person who is too hard on myself and I care too much about what people say about me. How do I explain to the "home congregation friends" on the next "shepherding call" that I have begun to research the "society",and I'm having second thoughts about what I have been taught all these years? I'm really fearfull of becoming shunned, but I guess I already am. Am I not being true to myself or what. ("sigh"). I appreciate any suggestions.

confusedjw

JT, Don't say anything when in an emotional state. So while you are still sorting things out you would be well advised to just keep things to yourself and avoid any meaningful communication with any shepards.

You may decide that the JW's are right and you want to stay - so why say something that will create issues?

You may decide that the JW's aren't right, but not want to lose connections with people - so fade quietly. (If this is your course tell everyone you are depressed and get a prescription for Prozac or something and tell them you "just can't talk now")

Or you may eventually decide that you want to DA yourself, but this should be carefully thought through.

Keep your thoughts coming.

kwintestal

It's a tough situation to be in, believe me I know.

How do you explain? Well, if you don't want to be officially shunned then you don't explain it. Explaining what you've found will get you on the fast-track to being DF'd. There are many good posts on here about fading. I would suggest you read up on them. Look in the "Best Of" section on the JWD homepage.

Welcome to the board. I've found it to be a great place to let my frustrations out, and to be comforted. I'm sure you will as well.

Kwin

Fleur

I would personally recommend, just based on my own experience...to reserve all comments on your discoveries until you are absolutely certain the course you want to take with your life from this point. And even then, if you want to do the slow fade so as to avoid outright shunning, you may decide the less said, the better.

My family knows how I feel about the Borg now (but I was df'd anyway so it didn't matter there) but if you asked those here who have kept their thoughts to themselves to preserve family relationships...I don't think they'd tell you that it's being untrue to yourself, it's keeping the peace as best you can.

Proceed slowly, then do what your heart tells you. If you do need to make a profound statement on the way out, just be prepared that there are consequences. But some find it freeing, and a must, to do.

Welcome, there's lots to learn here.

~esmeralda

Satanus

Wt training has the doctrine that we should speak up, voicing our beliefs. I would also recommend that you postpone verbalising your doubts. If you go the route of fully deprogramming wt doctrine within yourself, you may end up not feeling the need to let others know what your beliefs are. Anyways, don't rush things, and don't let elders ruch you into 'making a decision'. It's not really their business anyway. You render your own account to god, or at least to yourself, ultimately.

S

gypsywildone

Why do you owe them an explaination at all?

OldSoul

JT,

I would recommend never faking your service, first and foremost. If you succumb to that you are going to feel like crap constantly and you will know in your heart of hearts that while those around you are satisfied with your efforts to please them, the one whom you most want to please is not amused. You think you have a standard to live up to? Great. Make sure it is really your standard, otherwise your sacrifices are lame and you and I both know how Jehovah feels about lame sacrifices.

I'm not encouraging you to leave, mind you. I'm encouraging you to solidify your faith. Faith is not empty belief, it is both assured and there is evidence of its basis. But there is only one person who can solidify your faith - you.

There is, however, one other question you would need to consider. Do you want to serve Jehovah? Most people try to rationalize their answer by thinking through what sort of God he is and arriving at, "Who wouldn't?" But if you sincerely ask yourself that question, the answer to that question just might be, "Well, me for one." Here's a drop of knowledge that the WTBTS has printed many times - although to say they stress it would be a grand exaggeration - anyone can choose to serve Jehovah, but no one will ever achieve that goal without building a close personal relationship with Jehovah. The effort is too great for some, they would really rather not.

I would guess that the elders in your hall would not be surprised at all that you need their help... <sigh> ...again. Is it possible that you have been building a close relationship with your elder body instead of - as opposed to along with - a close relationship with Jehovah? You certainly wouldn't be the first person to have done so. I'm sure your elders are knowledgable about the scriptures and capable men in many respects, you likely love them for several reasons, but one thing I am often amazed by is that people expect the elders to somehow magically impart a relationship with Jehovah on them.

For my part, and I'm only a publisher in my congregation, my relationship with Jehovah is - and always will be - mine. Maybe letting Jehovah direct your steps will give you a bit more stability. You need not think, "I know so much, so there is no excuse for my doing so little." Knowledge alone does not motivate to action. The only proper motive for action that will serve in any way to build a relationship with Jehovah is an appreciative heart moved by love. Work on developing that relationship and you may find that eventually the elders will be surprised if you need their help at all.

Warm Christian Love,
B_Ing Invisible

JamesThomas

Your questions are pregnant with their own answers.

Perhaps what you are dealing with here is a deeper conflict that is merely being accentuated by religious beliefs.

As you mentioned, your dilemma may be around "being true to oneself". Yet, we often never question who we really are, that we may be true to it. It seems right now you identify with confusion, so to be true to confusion, continue as you are, giving great credence to beliefs and concepts which others have taught you. There is another way however.

Stop worrying about beliefs and religious organizations, and how people will react; and give attention to the deeper sense of life and being within you. Let something other than the ideas, concepts and beliefs of the mind teach you. Allow your true identity to reveal Itself. Then, when this first cornerstone is in place, move on from there into religious and philosophical questions if you like. But first have a true foundation on which to build, or the rest of your life will be but a house of cards.

Turn awareness from words and scriptures and beliefs out there, and shift it inwards into this moment of being. be still, and know...

j

Advice needed

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