Completly faded? Not Df'ed or Da'ed just for the one's that faded!

by mkr32208 9 Replies latest jw friends

  • mkr32208
    mkr32208

    How did you know that you were completly faded?

    I finally realized the other day that I was completly out, I think for the first time I really had EVIDENCE that I was out. I was at a witness get together (wife still in so I'm allowed to tag along...) and a witness I didn't know from kentucky or tennessee or somewhere was talking to me and using the "terminalogy" and something I said must have cued him because he said "are you a jehovah's witness?" I just shot back "no, no I'm not." I didn't even think about it just came right back with "no" wam bam thank you mam just right back!

    Six months ago (I've been faded for about 3.5 years) I think I would have said yes, or at the very least had to think! I was out but still scared I think. The funny thing is that this wasn't really the best time to be honest (surrounded by jw's from the old hall!) But I'm just so free from them that I didn't even think about it!!! When this occoured to me I just started laughing, he sure looked at me a little oddly!

    The greatest thing though was the guy totaly loosened up! He started talking like a person and not a robot with a stick up its ass! He started laughing out loud (not snickering behind his palm!) He started talking about his plans and his trying to get a new job (this job is not socity approved!) He was a COMPLETLY different person... Bizarro!

    Anyway have any of you had a experince like that? Something that just hammered home that fact that you were free!!!!!

  • gerbils
    gerbils

    Hehe...I've noticed too that JW's do put on an act around other witnesses, suddenly turning the conversation around to service or the wonderful CO. I made a determined effort a few years ago to be completely up front with everybody. "Yeah, there are some good clubs in sheffield. University's great. did you go?" Just watch the shocked expression.

  • happyout
    happyout

    Well, I've been out for a lot longer than you, over 12 years now (that's so scary). I got a few clues, like when my sister's in laws didn't invite me to my sister's anniversary party. They didn't want to make the other witnesses uncormfortable you see Of course, there were "worldly" relatives there, but they didn't count, as they hadn't turned their back on the "truth".

    I've had witnesses who haven't seen me in a long time ask me what congregation I'm in now. I find that funny, because when I tell them none, they almost always say yeah, I heard that you stopped going. Well then why the hell are you asking?? So juvenile!

    At my father's funeral an older sister (she's 106 if she's a day) took the liberty of telling me I know I need to do better and come back to the KH. I was so mad (being at my non-witness father's funeral and getting preached to) I actually pushed her away from me. My husband kind of caught her, and gave me this totally shocked look (I'm usually very respectful of the elderly).

    There are witnesses that do still speak to me, and treat me reasonably well, but they can't seem to have a conversation that doesn't include "enouraging" me to come back.

    Not a chance.

    Happyout

  • happyout
    happyout

    sorry, double post

  • kwintestal
    kwintestal

    Just this past summer my family and I were at a gathering at my parents house, all JW's. One older couple was there and asked what hall I was in. I said, "I don't know? Honey, what hall do you go to." That's the closest I've had to that. I always tell people now that I'm an ex-JW, just that took a lot of courage.

    Kwin

  • jws
    jws
    The greatest thing though was the guy totaly loosened up! He started talking like a person and not a robot with a stick up its ass! He started laughing out loud (not snickering behind his palm!) He started talking about his plans and his trying to get a new job (this job is not socity approved!) He was a COMPLETLY different person... Bizarro!

    Shows how much they try to impress each other. I hated being around the "spiritual" people. I felt like I couldn't talk about anything normal without being seen as bad somehow. Talk about your programming job, you're materialistic. Talk about a football game, you're idolizing sports figures. Talk about a great beer I just tried, I'm a drunkard. Talk about my favorite bands, somebody would probably feel they were satanic. I dug so hard to find neutral topics. The weather, some Awake article, or something in-line with JW teachings - how bad the world was getting, etc. I felt so uncomfortable. Give me a worldly person or a weak person any day.

    Anyway, I don't know if there was a defining moment in my fade. It took a while to shake the odd feeling of being home on Tuesday and Thursday nights and Sunday mornings. It faded slowly. If anything, it was maybe moving 1000 miles away that put me in a new city where I only knew one JW and she wasn't out to interfere in my life or keep tabs on me. In my new city, I could live free. I didn't have to worry about being seen by some JW and reported on. I didn't have to keep up some sort of appearance for JW family. I could decorate the house for holidays if I wanted to. I could be seen out with worldly girls I was dating without looking over my shoulder. And best of all, no worries about an elder from my old hall dropping in!

  • BrendaCloutier
    BrendaCloutier

    Good thread. Thing is, I've been out so long (1978-9?) that it took coming to this site last summer to remember much about what it was like being "in"!

    Why am I here? Bizaar dreams of sneeking back in without anyone recognizing me or trying to DF me, and me trying not to go door-to-door. Weird. The dreams have mostly gone away. Thanx!

    Hugs

    Brenda

  • el jarocho mayor
    el jarocho mayor

    I would like to say Im completely faded but I cant, my loved ones are still in. That would be my gramma and my mom, and I still want to be able to TALK to them and have them HUG me. Its not easy, I wish it were. Sometimes, I still catch myself saying that Im a JW, when asked, "what religion are you?". But then, I quickly make it clear that I was RAISED jdub(actually I was baptised, age 12) and that my mom and gramma are still active.

  • Poztate
    Poztate
    There are witnesses that do still speak to me, and treat me reasonably well, but they can't seem to have a conversation that doesn't include "enouraging" me to come back.

    It is an itch they have that they have to scratch. It kind of reminds me of a dog with fleas.

  • Wild_Thing
    Wild_Thing

    Over 4 years now ... so far so good. I think I knew I was completely faded when I was listening to a conversation of my JW mom, sisters, etc. and I realized I had no clue who they talking about. The congregation has changed that much just I have been gone.

    They sent a lot of people from the congregation to a new one that there were trying to form across town, so I guess their meeting attendance has dropped to 60 to 80 (at their best) on a SUNDAY!!! ... even with new ones moving in! From what I can tell, it is just other generational dubs changing congregations ... no new meat.

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