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Paradise guide makes its debut on Earth
Updated: Tuesday, Dec. 7, 2004 - 4:40 PM PARIS, Dec 07, 2004 (United Press International via COMTEX) -- There are guides to Monaco and Mozambique, pointers on how to lose weight, fix cars, change careers and recover from divorce. But when it comes to the biggest puzzler facing mankind -- afterlife -- the world's publishing industry has been remarkably silent. Luckily for those of us who are immortally challenged, the first-ever "Guide to Paradise" is now out in bookstores -- at least in France. The slender, 173-page volume makes no pretense of being exhaustive. But it does compare competing post-death offers by the main monotheistic faiths, and lists pointers on specials -- and pitfalls -- facing savvy shoppers. Islam? Male paradise shoppers -- particularly suicide bombers -- are offered a terrific package deal of eternal youth, available virgins and a luxurious existence. Women, by contrast, are only given "right of access, without precise promises of what to expect, or any special deals," according to the guide, published last month. Christianity? The religion suffers a major marketing problem, the book writes: After all, Christians are still agonizing whether heaven means the end or the beginning of sensual pleasure. ******************************************************************************** And the dizzying array of paradise promotions offered by the Jehovah's Witnesses and other "startup" faiths should be approached with caution. ******************************************************************************** Jewish paradise isn't open to just anybody. Penned with humor and irony, the guide makes no bow to religious sensitivities. "A lot of editors refused to publish the book, since they considered it wasn't very politically correct," author Pierre Conesa admitted, during an interview Tuesday. The guide marks a literary departure for Conesa, a former career civil servant specializing in the definitely serious business of terrorism. Like many Europeans, he does not consider himself particularly religious. But he says he is alarmed by growing religious intolerance in the West -- underscored by last month's assassination of Dutch filmmaker Theo Van Gogh. Sectarian clashes on Earth, he says, suggest the existence of several competing heavens. "If not, the Irish Catholics and Protestants will find themselves in the same paradise -- or the Sunnis and Shiites may find themselves in the same heaven," Conesa said. "And then what?" By contrast, Conesa believes there may be a single hell, since all religions describe the same kind of damnation -- "with a lot of fire and annoying devils with forked sticks." But hell may not be all bad. "After all, a lot of interesting people who have criticized their own religions -- from Mozart, to Beethoven to Erasmus -- should be down there there," Conesa said. "And when you consider all the books that have been banned for religious reasons, you've got to conclude that hell has a better library than heaven does." Conesa liberally mixes references from the Bible and Koran with quotes from philosophers, historians, Web sites and Muslim fanatics to buttress his points. His chapters offer a practical, step-by-step guide for the prudent shopper: How to visit sample heaven; the pros and cons of economy class; what to pack for the voyage (those who are allergic to milk and honey may want to take special precautions). The "Guide to Paradise" is Conesa's fifth book. But it represents his first attempt at tackling the subject of religious extremism -- a subject he knows intimately -- with humor. As a terrorism expert in France's Defense Ministry, Conesa traveled widely in the Middle East, and participated in Israeli-Palestinian peace negotiations during the time of former Israeli Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabin. Today, he works as general manager for a Paris-based company specializing in economic intelligence. Conesa's previous books and papers -- all scholarly works with the exception of one novel -- focus on international relations and terrorism. His next book, "Violence in the Name of God," is due out early next year. Conesa's "Guide to Paradise" has not yet drawn a deluge of hate mail -- from irate members of any faith, since he adopts a democratically skeptical tone toward them all. Media coverage in France has mostly been the tongue-and-cheek kind. Perhaps the book's best advice is offered on its last page. "Since nobody is absolutely certain that paradise exists," Conesa writes, "let's try -- for lack of anything better -- to create one on earth." | 
