I agree with sixofnine; I also have a 13 year old daughter.
We have taught her that drugs are destructive; will not offer her anything. She is not stupid; she can see for herself the affects of drug abuse. She is a very mature child; also a bright student; eager and willing to learn. Her inteligence and smarts has earned her many things. She has learned early in life the rewards of being smart and agreeable; and at such a young age is making that credo work for her.
Sex is something different. She will experiment with it whether or not her mother and I disagree with her or not. She is no different than any other human being ( myself included). At this time; the sex is not an issue with us. As a young adult, she has been instructed about birth control; and the dangers of contracting the Aids virus. The real scare these days is not pregnancy ( that we could deal with) ; but is contracting Aids; which is a death sentence. It is difficult for any teenager to realize their own mortality; much less see it curtailed by a deadly disease.
Her adult life will progress with or without my intervention; as a father I can only teach values; stop her from doing anything drastic, and offer her direction. I cannot stop her from experiencing and living her life. If she has not learned from the value system my wife and I have given her and live our lives by; at the age of 13 ,we as parents have failed in our mission as parents..
We take each issue as it comes. Where JWs would "take the issue to elders"; we would solve it ourselves;among ourselves. We have taught the children that every action of theirs will have a reaction; some good ,some bad . We have also allowed them to make some mistakes on the road to learning, they are taught that if it is a negative experience not to repeat it. Brush off your trousers and move on; we will do better next time. And we do.
My wife and I understand that we cannot "isolate" our children from everything ( such as I was as a JW child). The children learn early that not everyone is "nice"; and what is and IS NOT acceptable social behaviour; and we keep close tabs on them and are aware of who their friends are and where they are and with whom at all times. They know they can always come to us with any issue; and so far they have.
I admit that being a parent takes all youve got; but I would not have it any other way. I certainly do not want any "elder" or religious group telling me what is best for my children.
