what else can I say?

jwbot

I got an email from a girl I know who is either teaching or helping teach kindergarten. She had questions about a 5 year old boy who is going to homeschool next year, and is a JW. She remembered that I am an ex-jw so emailed me to ask for any information that would help her get in the mind of this boy (who seemed to want to celebrate xmas). Here is what I am going to email back to her...is all my information correct or current? Should I add anything? Its such a broad subject...

My email:

Its ok to ask me questions, I will be honest. I am not so good with getting in kids heads though, but I will try to tell you as much as I can about anything relating to the subject, so bare with me. :)

Its really tough for little kids. I remember when I was little, for me, it was so so hard to see other kids with their presents at xmas time, and candy at halloween. As a coping method, I would say santa did not exist and I am doing the right thing because I knew he did not exist, I would also say things like "my family gives presents all year, not just one day out of the year" which for some reason I believed...sort of...even though it was not true. That "Halloween was a pagan holiday" even though I did not even know what that meant, just that for some reason, pagan = bad.

As a very little child and as a JW, the holidays were the worse (as a grew up...my issues were matters less trivial) because I even thought to myself that "when I grow up, I do not want to be a JW so I can celebrate the holidays". To be honest, I am not sure if this is the case for most JW's as children or if I was rare.

I guess you can continue to try to include him and let him decide if he wants to join in on holiday activities...but at the same time, if he is feeling guilty about these things after...his "conscience" could get the better of him and he could get in trouble for confessing these things. I am sure he is not baptized, as 5 is way too young (usually around 9-13 yo get baptized) so he would not be disfellowshipped and his parents might keep those confessions between them and not bring it to elders attention. Celebrating holidays is a disfellowshipping offence. One time, around xmas or thanksgiving...I followed my class out in to the library for a picture and I held up a UNICEF box, and the picture was in the newspaper... I did not know the UNICEF was a religious organization ("false religion" to my parents) and when the picture was published (I was in 2nd grade) some other witnesses complained and I got in trouble...fortunately not too much trouble as my parents understood that I did not know what I did wrong but many many other witness parents, especially in this area are way more strict, I can only assume esp. with the homeschooling. My parents gave us children the chance to decide if we wanted to be homeschooled, and only at a later age...

The homeschooling of JW children is very encouraged by the church because it means that the JW kids will not associate with non-JW kids...I have so so many personal experiences when it comes to this, those kids will be so socially stunted it should be illegal. *sigh*. Not only will these kids never get non-jw association, but even JW association is limited...its not like there is a JW day care or anything. And JW parents count the time they are in ministry as school time...so instead of reading books (unless JW published books) and learning math...these kids will instead go out in field service (ministry) all the time. And higher education will be discouraged. Wow, I feel for those kids. But not much can be done about that.

Sorry, I went off on a tangeant... Ok, when I was a little kid, I was also depressed a lot (and socially awkward...I suppose we all were at that age) but I really really wanted to fit in, I think more so than everyone else, because I knew I did not fit in because of my religion. These kids are also told constantly that their peers will die at armageddon and armageddon is right around the corner. Even "worldly" people that are "nice" and "good" will die. And not only that, but before armageddon comes, they will persecute JW's and throw them in contrentration camps. This is a very real nightmare that gets told children from age 1. (There is no separate sunday school for JW kids) It is depressing and too much for a little child. I had horrible nightmares. I would also envision that at Judgement day, I could convince God to spare my best friend Nicole whom I went to school with to not throw her in the lake of fire because I knew she was a good person. The religion is based on fear in every way imaginable, fear of god, fear of persecution from others, fear of dying at armageddon, and fear of being ostricized and thrown out of the organization--and it works *most* of the time.

I do not know what else to say because I am not so sure what these children are thinking. I wish there was a way for their parents to reconsider the homeschooling thing--or that if homeschooling itself had more regulated lesson plans (I know it varies from state to state).

I probably did not help to much, if you have any specific questions to narrow down anything I am talking about or what you were thinking, please, let me know. I could write a book on this.

missy04

Jwbot,

I don't really know much on the subject because although I was homeschooled, I was not raised a JW. I know how isolating homeschooling can be (or homeNOTschooling, as was my case) It must be really really lonely for the JW kids who are not only in a cult, but are kept away from having normal friendships by not even going to school with non-JW kids. That's double bad.

Your email you wrote to the teacher was really good. I'm sure it helped her to understand better what's going on with the little JW boy. Poor kid.

~Sarah

*edited because for some reason my font doesn't want to show up right..that's why it's highlighted..makes it all show up. hmmmm

missy04

Aww come on guys. No ideas for her?

~sarah

frenchbabyface

Really I don't know JWBOT : Kids are so different just as we are
at this stage maybe showing as much love as possible and try to demonstrate that the world is not that evil ... (not really easy anyway)

It's already big that she wonders about the how to take care of him ... (good sign at least)

Valis

I've been looking for the thread with the teacher who came to the board with simmilar concerns, but I can't find it...

Sincerely,

District Overbeer

Country_Woman

I did not know the UNICEF was a religious organization

you're never to old to learn: I did'nt hear this before. - thought Unicef was allowed.....

Valis

http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/12/81084/1.ashx

Aha!!! There's the one I was looking for

BeautifulGarbage

I think you did just fine.

It's a difficult situation children are put in. Especially when they are that young. I think that she should just let the kid's cues lead the way.

I work at an elementary school and we have several JW children. I remember one six year old declaring to his class "birthdays are bad"! when a Mom had brought cupcakes for all the kids for one of his classmates. Some of the kids were a bit taken back by his comment, and I stepped in and calmly said "My experience is that they are not bad and I never heard of anyone getting being harmed by a chocolate cupcake".

Something also interesting happen this week with one JW student who is age 9. I know he is a JW because he has tried to give me literature. Anyway, I see this boy walking around with a Santa hat, and his jacket stuffed with his packback to make it look like he has a big belly, bellowing "ho ho ho" walking around the campus. I kept my mouth shut, but when I saw him later, doing the same thing, I couldn't resist making a comment. I said, "R* I thought you were a Jehovah's Witness". He answers, "Oh man! I just wanted to have some fun"! So, I leaned down to him and whispered "Your secret is safe with me" and off he went skipping and ho ho hoing. I remember vividly being a kid and wanting in on the fun too. I just hope he isn't filled with guilt later.

This time of years sucks for JW kids.

BeautifulGarbage

I just read that other thread. Some really good ideas. Especially giving alternative present and goodies, but making it clear that they are not "Christmas" presents. This allows the child to be included, but not cause problems with their family and in their own little minds.

I would just keep my mouth shut during this time and keep any loot I got at school. Same with Valentines day. I would read those Valentines day cards for days. But, my parents were marginal JWs, that were on the fringes, so I didn't risk too much. And fanantic JW Grandma, that lived with us, was too preoccupied with either praying, or converting unsuspecting people into the cult.

I have a girl friend that worked for an insurance company. Every year they gave a gift of money during the holidays. A Christmas Bonus. Well, there were a few JW employees that put up a fuss, so the name was changed to Year End Bonus to make them happy.

what else can I say?

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