Parents

unique1

Just got off the phone with my mom which was mostly a pleasant conversation. We were talking about moving around to different places and asked if we desire to see more of the US why don't we just pack up and go? I stated that we wanted to adopt or have a child in a few years. She said the only reason she never encourages me to have children or adopt (which is a lie, she tries to get me go give her a grandchild all the time) was because she didn't know if I would raise it in the truth or not. Obviously I won't but she doesn't know that. She stated that she worries about my and my husband's standing all the time and she doesn't want to have to worry about a third person. This kind of stuff just depresses me. I don't want my parents to worry all the time. I WANT to be accepted and loved for who I am.

I can't tell my hubby about this because we are having dinner with my parents this weekend and I don't want him to be pissed off at them when we get there. He always gets pissed when mom says things like that because it hurts me.

Thanks for letting me vent.

franklin J

it would bother me too...

just ignore it; words are cheap. Accept your folks for who and what they are ( dedicated JWs) and continue on with your life...

....and about telling your husband what she said....well, if I think something will bother my wife ( especially something one of MY family said) , I just do not tell her....what she doesnt know will not hurt her. So what?

good luck, Frank

lonelysheep

I WANT to be accepted and loved for who I am.

And it'd be sad if she didn't love and accept a granchild just for who they are, too.

I forgot to add...I agree w/Franklin, and that I wouldn't say anything to him, either.

unique1

Thanks guys. I was starting to think no one would reply to this thread. I did call my best friend who is disfellowshipped and she seems to agree with you guys. She told just to ignore it, my mom is a b!#$h and always has been. I am feeling better about it today. She just really catches me off guard sometimes.

moonwillow

live the life you want to live or you will never truely be happy

don't let others control you

Joyzabel

some day, unquie1, you'll see how she is munipulating you. She is under mind-control (cult) and uses guilt to get you to hurt.

You are in control of your feelings. So don't allow what silly words your mother says stir up feelings of guilt/hurt. Just picture her mouth moving and nothing coming out. Or if you would rather, put in words you want to hear. Make them positive and then you can see how she is guilting/hurting you, and that is not love.

btw, why stir up the feelings of your hubby. Let love start with you.

Joy

jeanniebeanz

Yeah, I can understand how that would be depressing to you. It's great that you even have a relationship with your parents at all. These are just the irrational fears of someone who sees you living in a way that she 'thinks' is going to hurt you, and she's voicing concern. Although it is irritating to have it put in your face all the time, it's just words.

I'd try to let them roll off and enjoy having your mom around. I wouldn't tell my hubby either as he'd just be frustrated by it. Guys want to fix everything, and this can't be fixed right now.

Enjoy your dinner with them this weekend!

Jean

garybuss

A childhood fantasy of mine was to get my parents approval. I often felt like I never had it. I think that was one reason I stayed with the Witness regimen so long. As I got older my parent's lack of approval turned into indifference and finally rejection. I think the rejection was there all along. Their trying to hide it from me looked like indifference and disapproval.

I was born in 1944, a time when Witnesses were being told not to have children. The ink was barely dry on the "Children" book. A book that hammered that point home. I think in a way, for them, accepting me meant rejecting the Society . . . and in their eyes, the Society equaled God. I had two strikes against me out of the chute.

My job now is to accept it all as something I can't change. Beating it is like kicking a dead horse, it tires me out, and the horse still isn't going to get up.

My mother hasn't called me in maybe two decades so I don't have communication as one of my elements with parents like many here do. People must accept me for who I am and for what I am or they do not deserve my time and attention. Those who have harmed me and my family in the past first have to make amends to us to ever think they will have access to us on any level. Meanness and insults are not allowed here any more.

The Witness people like my parents are the reason I do not like the Witness people. They have been mean and meddling and insulting and they have done it all on purpose. I think it's not healthy for a family (or a person) to have ANY Witness influence at all. There is always an agenda, they are always gathering personal information. They are always trying to fit me into their delusional world view of ghosts and gods and conspiracies between unseen gaseous beings.

Because of Witnesses like my parents two of my sons shunned me. I will never forgive them for that. That's unforgivable.

JustTickledPink

You can't control what your parents worry about. You can't control what they think of you, what they feel about you, in fact you can't control any of it.

So, at some point you'll have to quit worrying about what they are worrying about and just get on with living and being happy. It's extremely sad, but true.

Sending you some hugs.

unique1

(((((((Garybuss))))))) My goodness. That is just crazy. Such things never cease to amaze me. I don't understand how anybody can turn their back on a friend, much less family.

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