George Carlin on religion

by poppers 3 Replies latest social humour

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  poppers

  Just came across this - some may be offended, but ya gotta remember, this is Carlin.
  
  http://www.objectivethought.com/atheism/carlin.html
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  jst2laws

  I hope not ot offend, but we bought his book,

  "When is Jesus going to bring home the Bacon" It is all typical Carlin

  Jst2laws
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  Big Tex

  Not George Carlin, but still funny ...

  In a conversation with a suicidal man threatening to jump off a bridge:

  I said, 'Are you a Christian or a Jew?' He said, 'A Christian.'
  I said, 'Me too. Protestant or Catholic?' He said, 'Protestant.'
  I said, 'Me too. What franchise?' He says, 'Baptist.'
  I said, 'Me too. Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?' He says, 'Northern Baptist.'
  I said, 'Me too. Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?' He says, 'Northern Conservative Baptist.'
  I said, 'Me too. Northern Conservative Fundamentalist Baptist or Northern Conservative Reformed Baptist?' He says, 'Northern Conservative Fundamentalist Baptist.'
  I said, 'Me too. Northern Conservative Fundamentalist Baptist, Great Lakes Region, or Northern Conservative Fundamentalist Baptist, Eastern Region?' He says, 'Northern Conservative Fundamentalist Baptist, Great Lakes Region.'
  I said, 'Me too. Northern Conservative Fundamentalist Baptist, Great Lakes Region, Council of 1879 or Northern Conservative Fundamentalist Baptist, Great Lakes Region, Council of 1912?' He says, Northern Conservative Fundamentalist Baptist, Great Lakes Region, Council of 1912.'

  I said, 'Die, heretic!' and I pushed him over.

  -- Emo Philips
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  xjw_b12

  THE LORDS PRAYER

  During a Papal audience, a businessman approached the Pope and made 

  this offer: Change the last line of the Lord's prayer from "give us this day our daily bread" to "give us this day our daily chicken" 

  and KFC will donate 10 million dollars to Catholic charities. 

  The Pope shook his head and said no to the offer.

  Two weeks later the businessman approached the Pope again, this time with a 50 million dollar offer. 

  Again the Pope declined.

  A month later the man offers 100 million, and this time the Pope 

  accepts. 

  At a meeting of the Cardinals, the Pope announces his decision. 

  "I have good news and bad news.   The good news is, we have 100 million

  dollars for charities. The bad news is, we lost the Wonder Bread account."