Do you like silly poems? I do. John Hegley & Spike Milligan are very funny.
Here are a couple of my offerings?Please don?t laugh at them?on second thoughts, if you don?t laugh that would be bad right?confused now.
Understanding Names
A man with a wooden leg called Freddie.
Was known to those who knew him as steady.
This to some may seem rather silly.
But if your name is Fred steady
it isn?t really.
A man with a big head once had a vision
His goal in life was body revision
He thought himself holy
He thought himself grand
So he gave himself a big big hand
Poets make you laugh
by Peppermint 7 Replies latest jw friends
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Peppermint
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New Worldly Translation
Spike Milligan was brilliant. One of my fave comics ever. I also like poems from Ogden Nash, Hughes Mearns and Lewis Carroll (The Hunting of the Snark makes me smile all the way through but it's a bit long to post)
Ogden Nash stuff
I test my bath before I sit
And I'm always moved to wonderment
That what chills the finger not a bit
Is so frigid upon the fundament
One would be in less danger
From the wiles of the stranger
If one's own kin and kith
were more fun to be with
I think that I shall never see
A billboard lovely as a tree
Perhaps unless the billboards fall
I'll never see a tree at all
Candy
is dandy
but liquor
is quicker
Who wants my jellyfish?
I'm not sellyfish
Hughes Mearns stuff
The Lady With Technique
As I was letting down my hair
I met a guy who didn't care
He didn't care again today -
I love 'em when they get that way!
Frustrated Male
One night I met when stepping out
A gal who wasn't thereabout
I said, 'Hel-lo! and how are you!'
She didn't say, so I never knew
I've never been sure who wrote these but I know them by heart cos I think they're ace
The Common Cormorant
The common cormorant or shag
Lays eggs inside a paper bag
The reason you will see no doubt
It is to keep the lightning out
But what these unobservant birds
Have never noticed is that herds
Of wandering bears may come with buns
And steal the bags to hold the crumbs
Hypocrisy
Hypocrisy will serve as well
To propogate a church as zeal
As persecution and promotion
Do equally advance devotion
So round white stones will serve, they say
As well as eggs to make hens lay
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xjw_b12
In the garden of Eden walked Adam,
alone and a trifle forlorn.
For he hadn't a miss or a madam,
and he whimpered every morn.
"What's the matter with you?" said Jehovah
"I've given you Eden you know,
and now that you've looked the place over,
I thought you'd be rarin' to go."
"That's all very well, " muttered Adam.
"but there isn't a soul except me,
and talking out loud is a tad 'um -
eccentric, don't you see?"
So the Lord God thought for a second.
Then he said, "Okay, just for you,
I'll make up a mate, for I reckon
that will give you something to do."
Now Adam was really excited,
and asked what this mate would do,
and as God explained, he was delighted,
at the promise of somebody new.
For his new mate was planned to get dinner,
and to cook and to sew up his clothes,|
She would make sure he didn't get thinner
and wash up as well I suppose.
She would bear him some fine sons and daughters,
and never wake him in the night
would take care of the beasts for the slaughter,
and never talk back in a fight.She would love him with passion unceasing,
and never complain of an ache,
she would iron his shirts, never creasing
the cuffs, as she baked him a cake.She would be such a model of virtue
that Adam could never complain,
and God said, "She never will hurt you,
or cause you one second of pain.""Oh God," said our Adam, ecstatic
"what shall I call this wondrous mate,
and what will she cost, I'm emphatic
I must have the best going rate.""This woman," said God, "that I bring you
is Eve, the mother of all,
The woman that your kids will cling to,
and the one that will come to your call."As for what she will cost, she's a jewel,
and a bargain at this special price,
for to you I couldn't be cruel,
and I know you will heed my advice."To you, as my special creation,
I offer you this generous rate -
just an arm and a leg your donation.
You couldn't do better, hey mate?"Quite taken aback, Adam pondered,
then said with a bit of a grin.
"Well what would I get, I just wondered,
if a rib instead I threw in."The rest of the tale is just history,
for they closed that deal right away,
so it's why we girls are a mystery
to every bloke even today.
Don't blame it on us, Mister Adam,
when you were the cheapskate in Eden.
For every missus and madam
is still trying today to get even.Copyright; Patricia Markey Email: [email protected]
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frenchbabyface
... ... well I don't understand everything but I like what I've understood
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Peppermint
Classic Milligan:
On the Ning Nang Nong
Where the Cows go Bong!
and the monkeys all say BOO!
There's a Nong Nang Ning
Where the trees go Ping!
And the tea pots jibber jabber joo.
On the Nong Ning Nang
All the mice go Clang
And you just can't catch 'em when they do!
So its Ning Nang Nong
Cows go Bong!
Nong Nang Ning
Trees go ping
Nong Ning Nang
The mice go Clang
What a noisy place to belong
is the Ning Nang Ning Nang Nong!!
Spike Milligan -
bebu
I love Ogden Nash and Willard Espy.
The Cormorant poem (which I'd forgotten) reminds me of another silly (and anonymous) poem about a frog:
What a wonderful bird the frog are--
When he sit, he stand almost.
When he hop, he fly almost.
He ain't got no sense hardly.
He ain't got no tail hardly either.
When he sit, he sit on what he ain't got--almost.Here's a quick one from Willard Espy:
To find a rhyme for silver
Or any rhymeless rhyme
Requires only will, ver-
bosity and time.bebu
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kaykay_mp
Shel Silverstein (1930-1999) has been one of my favorite poets since I was a child. Here's a couple by him:
Boa Constrictor
Oh, I'm being eaten
By a boa constrictor,
A boa constrictor,
A boa constrictor,
I'm being eaten by a boa constrictor,
And I don't like it--one bit.
Well, what do you know?
It's nibblin' my toe.
Oh, gee,
It's up to my knee.
Oh my,
It's up to my thigh.
Oh, fiddle,
It's up to my middle.
Oh, heck,
It's up to my neck.
Oh, dread,
It's upmmmmmmmmmmffffffffff . . .Unicorn
A long time ago, when the Earth was green,
And there was more kinds of animals than you've ever seen.
And they'd run around free while the world was being born,
And the loveliest of all was the Unicorn.There was green alligators and long-necked geese,
Hump back camels and some chimpanzees,
Cats and rats and elephants, but sure as you're born
The loveliest of all was the Unicorn.
But the Lord seen some sinnin' and it caused Him pain
He says, "Stand back, I'm gonna make it rain.
So hey, Brother Noah, I'll tell you what to do...
Go and build me a floating zoo,And you take two alligators and a couple of geese,
Two hump backed camels and two chimpanzees,
Two cats, two rats, two elephants, but sure as you're born,
Noah, don't you forget my unicorns."
Now Noah was there and he answered the callin',
And he finished up the ark just as the rain started fallin'.
Then he marched in the animals two by two,
And he sung out as they came through..."Hey Lord, I got you two alligators and a couple of geese,
Two hump backed camels and two chimpanzees,
Two cats, two rats, two elephants, but sure as you're born,
Lord, I just don't see your unicorns."
Well, Noah looked out through the drivin' rain,
But the unicorns were hidin', playin' silly games.
They were kickin' and a-splashin' while the rain was pourin' --
Oh, them foolish unicorns.Then the ducks started duckin' and the snakes started snakin',
And the elephants started elephantin' and the boat started shakin',
The mice started squeakin' and the lions started roarin',
And everyone's aboard but them unicorns.
I mean the two alligators and a couple of geese,
The hump back camels and the chimpanzees,
Noah cried, "Close the door 'cause the rain is pourin',
And we just can't wait for them unicorns."And then the ark started movin', it drifted with the tide.
And the unicorns looked up from the rocks and cried.
And the water came down and sort of floated them away.
That's why you've never seen a unicorn to this day.
You'll see a lot of alligators and a whole mess of geese,
You'll see hump back camels and chimpanzees,
you'll see cats and rats and elephants, but sure as you're born
You're never gonna see no unicorn.laters
kaykay_mp
(holy crap, that was post # 666! *makes a sign of the cross*)
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Robert K Stock
Shel Silverstein is one of my favorite poets too.
I cannot quote the poems but I like, "Someone Ate The Baby", "Sylvia Cynthia Stout Who Would Not Take The Garbage Out", "The Great American Smoke Off" "The Dying Beatniks Lament" and that great country hit "A Boy Named Sue"