At times, I have shared my feelings, questions and doubts with my father. I am always careful. I never try to force anything on them. My parents have had a rough go of things the last 10 or so years. I should explain. I was (or still am, as I guess I am a fade away, not d'fd or d'a) a third generation witness. I was destined for greatness in the organization. My grandfather, long before there were elders was the leader for lack of a better word of the witness community as it existed way back when. When the elder arrangement was put in place, my grandfather and father were given the top dog jobs. My brother and I were given responsibilities at a young age. I gave my first talk at 4 years old. I regave it at an international assembly when I was 9. I was made a servant at 17. I was told by the PO that If i played my cards right I would be an elder by 20. My brother followed suit.
I was the first nut to crack. The pressure, and doubts I struggled with became to heavy. I had a tremedous head knowledge. But my parents never got it into my heart. When I was eventully disfellowshiped it caused quite a scandal. My father was forced to step down. I was reinstated after about 6 months. Mostly because I bluffed my way through but more I think for the sake of my father. Then my brother slipped and got the boot too. He spiraled int depression and eventually committed suicide. As a result of his "family name" falling from grace, the enemies he had made over the years from dealing harshly with others and judging others my mom and dad find themselves in an onpopular position. Most of there close friends have abandoned them. They lead quite a sad and solitary witness life. I asked my father one time why he continued to go and subject himself to what appeared to be nothing more than a two or three time a week source of depression. He told me that "going, and being a witness is all I know how to do so I continue" I responded with the fact that I felt that that was not faith, but habit and true faith can not be based on nothing more than habit.
I digress....I should get to the point.
I love my parents very much. I am not bitter towards them for anything. They "accept" I guess that I have left. They know my reasons. They cling to a hope that one day I will return. My problem is that as I get older, and smarter I suppose, more and more obvious doubts and flaws in the JW system become more and more real. It is getting harder and harder for me to "soft sell" what I believe or think. I want to share it with them but I don't want to hurt them.
Are any of you in similair situations that you cans share with me. I have read stories in on these boards the last few days and see that alot of you are on the outs with your releatives. I don't want that to happen. Do any of you have any advice on how to keep that balance. How to keep the sanity and the peace, but at the same time try to maybe help them or give them an idea of what else is out there? Or should I just leave well enough alone?
Your thoughts are appreciated