Saving my Neice and Nefew!

by Rig Pig 9 Replies latest jw friends

Rig Pig

I have never used one of these sites before but i am very scared and need help. I will tell you my story from the beginning...
Three years ago my 29 year old brother was killed in a farming accident. He left behind his wife of 9 years, a 7 year old son, a 4 year old daughter, three sisters and my parents. Our family had always been VERY close, my sister in law was truly a sister not an "in-law" and we were all devistated. One year after my brothers death my sister-in-law started dating a JW and 18 months after my brothers death she was remarried to this man and has become 100% JW. My family is Catholic and my sister-in-law was priviously too and we are scared of what is going to happen. The kids still go to a Catholic school but are practicing JW's, which is very hard and confusing for them, and my sister-in-law seems to be getting more and more drawn in to this group.
That is the background, now if you guys could answer some questions for me so i can better understand this religon we are dealing with.
1) Will the church pressure her to cut her ties to us? We love her and the kids very very much and do not want to loose them.
2) Is there anything we can do to that might change her mind about the church?
3) Why is there so many "secret" meetings and stuff they try to hide?
Right now we still get to see the kids and my sister-in-law a lot. She will still let us have b-day parties for the kids, but she is slowly starting to cut that sort of thing off. She took the kids to a different city for Christmas this year so they could not celebrate with us and is looking to move to another town. Please let me know more of this religon so that i can better understand what is going on. I do not know much about JW's and i am affraid of losing all that we have left of my brother...
Thank you...
under74

1) Will the church pressure her to cut her ties to us? We love her and the kids very very much and do not want to loose them.

It's very possible.

2) Is there anything we can do to that might change her mind about the church?

I can't answer this very well. I think there may be some people on the forum that can give some ideas of planting "seeds of doubt." What I do know is that you probably shouldn't get angry with her or say things overtly against the JWs. She's being told that once she starts to study that she will have family and friends say bad things about the religion. If I were you though...one place to start looking is silentlambs.org, freeminds.org.

3) Why is there so many "secret" meetings and stuff they try to hide?

I'm not sure about this...I don't know anything about "secret" meetings.

I'm very sorry for what you and your family are going through. I wish I could be more help to you.
Welcome to the forum and I hope you find some of the info on this site as helpful as I've found it.
under74

BTTT

(Come on you guys. Somebody's gotta have better advice than me!)
MerryMagdalene

Welcome to JWD, Rig Pig,
I'm sorry for all that you are going through. To try to address some of your concerns--
1) You may find there will be a mix of her being urged to cut old social and religious ties and draw further away from you while at the same time trying to "witness" to you and draw you into her new religion with her...
2) Changing someone's mind about being in this religion is a hot topic around here so stick around, keep checking back for more discussion and tips. One recent thread is at http://jehovahs-witness.com/6/85634/1.ashx and some books that have been recommended are Stephen Hassan's http://www.freedomofmind.com
3) I'm not sure about the secretiveness you are referring to exactly. They do have lots of regular meetings they are pressured to attend and any secretiveness might be in an attempt to isolate her from the objections and questions of those who love her and are worried about what she has gotten into.
Hope this helps a little. You will find lots of caring and intelligent responses here. Best of luck!
~Merry
morty

I dont have any advice for you Rig Pig but I am sure some other good adviceable posters such as Blondie will have some good advice for you...( The weekend can be a little slow around here)...If you dont get the answers your looking for right now, I will BTT it for you( Bump to the top or Back to the top)
I just wanted to say welcome to the fourm..... and I am sorry you feel you are loosing the connection to your neice and nephew....Also sad to read about your brother...sad, very sad...
AuntieJane

Hi and Welcome. I am sorry about your brother's death; my only brother died 3yrs ago and it is still hard. He was Catholic, too, but had 2 adult children who were JW. These "adults" chose to stand in the back of the church at the funeral, that is how the JW's taught them to show their love for their father. Is that not sad or what? They have such fear for Satan that they do stupid things like that which hurt others.
I am glad you found your way to this forum, stay and you will learn a lot. It sounds like your sister in law is distancing herself and the reality is that there is probably nothing you can do, esp since the kids are so young. I would suggest to always keep in touch with them the best you can; let them know you love them. Before they get indoctrinated too deeply (and more than likely they will, I'm sorry to say, but you need to know the reality)...let them know you are always there for them, with your brother's spirit, and don't let them forget that. Hopefully if and when the time comes that they question the JW teachings they will come to you.
It's a terrible faith that divides families and is not what God wants us to be like.
jgnat

I feel for you Rig Pig, because you are at risk from seeing less and less of your neice and nephews. If I were you I would not attack her religion directly. That would convince her that you are a bad influence and further cut family ties. I think the best approach is to mildly inoffensive, and very cooperative to her wishes when you take the children. If you can stomach it, a little BS about how the religion is having a "good influence" on her couldn't hurt.
Then she will see you as a potential convert rather than a spiritual threat.
Politely accept any materials she may give you, and toss them.
None of the meetings are secret, invite yourself over to satisfy any curiosity you might have. They are about as inoffensive as a business meeting.
One thing I would not accept; if she makes sly remarks about the deficiencies of the Catholic church, fiercly defend yourself. Demand that she show you proofs, outside of the WT materials.
I would continue to acknowledge and provide gifts to the children, but clear this with your sister-in-law first. For instance, you can have "special days" to honor the children, around and about their birthday days. Use undecorated wrappings that will not "offend."
I know, this is a miserable and restricted existence. Just trust me, the alternative is worst. If you go on a rampage and insist she get out of that despicable religion, you risk being cut off from these children altogether. In time, they may come out on their own. You have to trust in their innate good sense.
Rig Pig

This is all great advice, thank you so much, all of you. You are reinforcing what I already knew. My family and i do not attack her religon at all and all "special days" we get approved of by her. She has not tried to "witness" us at all yet, but i have stomached a few meal times prayers praising Jehovah and i do it gladly to still be a part of her life. We just hope that we can stay in touch and show the kids that we are not Jehovah and we are not bad. My 7 year old niece is not accepting the religon at all and often tells us that "those Jehovah's are wrong! They tried to tell me Jesus did not have a birthday! Well duh, you are born, you have a BIRTH - day". She has a mind of her own and i hope she keeps it!
Once again i appriciate all your comments, please keep them coming!
mtbatoon

You seem to have things well in hand Rig Pig. It only takes a few misplaced words for an argument to start, a family to split and the JW's to tell your sister that Satan's behind you making her give up her faith.
Your niece and nephew are lucky to have you. They may well need your support as they grow up and try to make life decisions contrary to their mothers wishes but again anything you say now may be used as reason to disassociate themselves. As birthdays and Xmas dwindle, why not ask if you can take part in any non-religious celebrations they may have. Wedding anniversaries are often well celebrated, maybe you could invite them out or round to yours so they're not surrounded but other witnesses. Some also have a surprise day or present day for the kids instead of Xmas.
It's frustrating but its a situation many of us are in with our loved ones. Families splitting be it formal or informal are all too common in a religion that only has love for itself.
rebel8
Rigpig, Sorry for the loss of your brother.
1) Yes, probably.
2) Unlikely, but you could gently try. If you are too vehement about it, you will most likely push her away forever. Here are some points on my web site you might ask her about. The purpose of your questions is to stimulate her thought. Just gently ask, don't push. (www.jwinfo.50megs.com)
(FYI before you read this....this organization has claimed for over a century that it has been direclty led by God Himself, who is infallible. Therefore, there should be no "mistakes", right?)
...although patriotism or any non-neutral activities or beliefs have been condemned, it appears the Watchtower Society leadership itself has acted in breach of that rule on some occasions:
Support for the war effort appears to have been embraced in 1918 by the Watchtower Society, who praised the United States? set of laws and suggested a specific day be set aside to pray for a favorable outcome to World War I.?WATCHTOWER, 6/1/1918, pg. 174
The Watchtower Society joined the United Nations as a Non-Governmental Organization in 1992. According to United Nations documents, the Watchtower Society filed applications for membership that required pledging support of UN principles and agreement to disseminate information publicly in support of the UN. The WTS membership status came to public knowledge via a newspaper article in 2001. The newspaper alleges that the WTS then made a hasty withdrawal of the UN, in response to public outcry. The WTS apparently claimed they were inadvertently listed as a UN member after applying for a library card, a claim which the UN states is untrue.
In 2002, it appears the Watchtower Society owned a significant percentage of stock in Rand Corporation, a manufacturer of military equipment, according to the Securities and Exchange Commission web site.
3) Because they are a high control group (cult). Members either deny and/or do not realize this about the organization. Visit http://www.factnet.org/

Saving my Neice and Nefew!

Share this