Found a new job opportunity!

by Billygoat 8 Replies latest social humour

• 

  Billygoat

  It's just not for me!

  Saw this on our local newspapers job section today. LOL

  COMPANY: Pet Butler-	PUBLICATION:
  JOB TITLE: Professional Scoop Technician
  LOCATION:
  JOB DESCRIPTION Pet Butler, America's Pet Waste Cleanup Service is Dallas / Fort Worth's premier professional "Pooper-Scooper" service, where Your Dog's "Business" is Our Business!tm We cleanup, disinfect and remove dog waste from hundreds of residential yards and apartment / condo communities across the Metroplex each week. Our Business Stinks... but it's "Picking Up"! We are a family owned company, managed with integrity, that has a good time serving others and learning humility while earning a good income. Currently all of our Fecal Matter Removal Experts have 4-year college degrees (not required but a definite plus). You would office from your home (and our small truck) and rarely have to go see the "boss". Official work hours are from sun-up to sundown but usually you will not actually work that long. In fact, some days we can adjust the routes slightly to meet your desires. What can we do for Brown? A 401K retirement plan with employer-match is available as well as group health insurance benefits. Comfortable polo-style golf shirts with our logo on the pocket area will be provided as will a khaki Pet Butler baseball cap. You will wear your own khaki shorts or pants and comfortable shoes. Got Poop? Too "Pooped" to Scoop? Once you get trained (3 days) your average gross income should be in the range of $15 to $20 per hour / $100 to $200 per day / $28K to $40K per year (Full-time). You need email - we provide the rest including a Nextel Blackberry mobile phone. The only obstacle to someone applying for this job would be laziness and pride. Numerous bonuses are available for good customer service and a job well done (dung!). There is no hourly wage or salary (other than a minimum guarantee of at least $13 to $14 per hour). Rather, you get paid a set percentage of every yard / property that you clean therefore you work at your own pace (preferably a fast one). You will be paid through ADP (the largest payroll company in the world) via auto deposit into your bank account every-other Friday. You'll go on many "Doody Calls" Currently you will work Monday through Friday - and some Saturdays (never on Sunday). Pet Butler is looking for long term committed employees - most team members stay with us for years (Because we CARE - no heartless corporate bureacrats here!). Your Dog's "Biscuits" are Our Bread and Butter" We won't babysit you but doo expect you to be honest, responsible, fast, intelligent, reliable, friendly, dependable, not afraid of large dogs or barking dogs, clean and very hard working. A clean driving record is required as is being over the age of 23 (insurance requires it), having good eyes, a strong back and a not-too-sensitive nose. Scoop Doggie Dog This is a FULL-TIME position (part-time is NOT an option, please don't ask - 100's have!). Although we strive to give each of our technicians routes that are close to their homes, many days your route could be in a different area of the metroplex from your home. If you have a "customer first" attitude and want to earn more money, have more freedom, enjoy the outdoors, are a good communicator and can manage your time well then please email us your resume and cover letter. If you're looking for a crappy job - we can deliver! If you can Do the Doo then we'll provide the poo! (Please forgive the comedy but puns are not in short supply around our offices...) Pet Butler is in the process of rolling out our systems and operations across North America via franchising. With this rapid expansion many opportunities will become available for the right people. Sorry but please do not call (we have a business to run). Email Matt Boswell your resume along with a cover letter stating why you would like this job and why we should hire you. Please also include what area of the Metroplex you live in, when you would be available to start and also please varify you meet the other qualifications. If all of the above are not included, don't waste your time or ours as your resume will be deleted without being read. If we are interested in discussing the possibilities with you, we will call you ASAP. Please know we are very anxious to meet you, it's just that on average we get over 200 applicants for this one position so we can't contact the 80% that don't qualify or don't know how to follow instructions. You"ll make a "pile"! Before applying please think about this job again. Sure the ad is funny and the company is solid and run by good people but please understand you will be working out in the elements picking up dog mess. I think I wrote the job ad a little too well because too many applicants seem to be missing exactly what they will be "dooing". Pet Butler, Picking up where your pet left off... since 1998! [email protected] ~ www.PetButler.com (New website coming very soon) Email the "Entre-manure", Just "Doo" it! #1 in the "#2" Business!
• 

  TresHappy

  Thanks for the poop and the scoop!
• 

  upside/down

  I'm over-qualified- 15 years of "janitorial" work under my Dub belt.

  I actually swallowed sh*t for 20 years too as a Dub- they turned my app down as "over-qualified".

  u/d (of the sh*t shoveler class)
• 

  kaykay_mp

  I'm a mother of a 2-year-old who's still in diapers, so this would be right up my alley.

  laters

  kaykay_mp
• 

  Nosferatu

  I found a job opportunity worse than that one.... masturbating pigs.
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  Quotes

  Nos, that's no way to talk about people! Just because someone has a weight problem, doesn't make them a pig, and doesn't meant they don't need some hand-lovin' too! ;)
• 

  iiz2cool

  I found a job opportunity worse than that one.... masturbating pigs.

  It could be quite lucrative if you take pics and set up a 'pig porn' web site. Walter
• 

  Scully

  A 4-year college degree is a "plus" if you want to be considered for this job?

  That's just messed up!

  I can see the t-shirts now:

  I graduated from XYZ College, and all I got was this $h!tty job!

  If I'd known that dog poop would have been my career, I wouldn't have gone to college.
• 

  JeffT

  When I was in high school and college I worked summers for my Dad taking care of lab animals at the University of Washington. (Actually that was a good job, I got to do all sorts of interesting stuff). When I was a dub I worked seven years cleaning up rat $hit for Washington State.

  Somebody has to do it.