It is eating me alive watching my "best friend" who is DF'd for questioning the WTS completely shunned by his pioneer JW daughter. It hurts me when I see him hurting. His daughter got married and refused to invite him because he is Disfellowshipped. I am afraid that my friend might become suicidal if his daughter continues to shun him. He raised his daughter in JW's since she was born in 1980 my friend was baptized in 1973 and left the WTS in 1993. The elders told his daughter that if she invited her DF'd dad to the wedding she would be DF'd also so his daughter gave in to the elders. I have tried to be their for my friend since my own mother has been shunning me completely only if I talk to her in the kingdom hall with the elders present will she exchange words with me. She feels that the elders would give her good scriptual food on how to treat her disfellowshipped son. I don't care anymore what my mom thinks I will never go back to the JW's. My friend even made a comment of getting reinstated just so he can talk with his daughter again. What advice can I tell him because I tried to get reinstated years ago after my DA and the elders treated me like rotten milk and I walked out of that KH and never went back. When I debated my mom that was the first time that I had step foot in a KH in years. I am free as a bird now and I want my friend to feel the same way. Any advice?
My "best friend's" pioneer JW daughter completely "shuns" him What can I do
by booker-t 7 Replies latest jw friends
-
-
DevonMcBride
My only advice would be to invite your friend here where he will get tons of support from others in the same boat. Does he have access to the internet?
-
rebel8
If he is that depressed, get him professional help immediately. 1st he needs to resolve his suicidal thoughts. Then perhaps therapy and/or receiving support from other ex-jws will help him to cope with his daughter's behavior.
-
AlmostAtheist
In addition to the above advice (counseling, visit this site), why not discuss what getting reinstated would mean for your friend? It would be probably a year of going to meetings, 4 meetings with the elders, lying through his teeth at each one, to convince them that he's really "seen the light", "loves Jehovah and his people", and really needs to come back.
I hate to see anybody spend a year of their precious life on something like this, but if he did it, he could fade out quietly. The year of reinstatement would be followed by years of watching over his shoulder for fear of getting caught being who really is, he'd need to weigh that into the equation as well. But when the whole cost of the operation was on the table, he might decide it was worth it.
Just a thought.
Dave
-
iiz2cool
I hate to see anybody spend a year of their precious life on something like this, but if he did it, he could fade out quietly.
One would hope that would work, but unfortunately, quietly fading without getting df'd is no guarantee that the shunning won't resume. I'm sure many people on this board have never been df'd but are still being shunned.
When I da'd no one put pressure on my mom to shun me, and our relationship today is probably better than it ever was. My ex was another story, and it got to the point where she wouldn't speak to me without elders present. I think she was pressured by them, but can't say for certain. She always was a real 'company man'.
Maybe I'm a little hardassed about the shunning thing, but personally, I don't want someone in my life who would shun me just because a publishing company tells them to. I can't see that their love for me is real.
First and foremost your friend needs professional counselling. And try to get him on the forum so he can get some support.
Walter
-
AlmostAtheist
quietly fading without getting df'd is no guarantee that the shunning won't resume.
Excellent point, I forgot about that. Many people take it upon themselves to shun anyway, without official DF/DA labels.
There's someone on this board that discussed getting reinstated for the sole purpose of getting access to his family. He discussed it with his JW dad, and the dad was FOR it. That struck me as amazingly hypocritical, but that was the deal. So the son will get reinstated, all the while the dad knowing he isn't sincere, and once reinstated the dad will have him in the family again.
Sick as that is, would your friend's daughter buy a deal like that?
Trouble of course is that you're then at the whim of their conscience. They go to an assembly, get all spur'chul, and come back with a fresh skip of shunning to dump all over you. Then the years and effort truly would be wasted.
Argh! D@mn religion.
Dave
-
Bryan
booker-t,
Sorry to hear about your friend and your worry as well. I am not disfelloshipped nor disassociated, but my daughter is doing the same thing to me.
http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/9/74715/1.ashx
I have had to learn to accept that she has the right to live her life just as I do. Hopefully, one day, she will wake up.
I hope you friend is seeing a theropist.
Hopefully time will heal your friend.
Bryan
Have You Seen My Mother
-
jeanniebeanz
I don't want someone in my life who would shun me just because a publishing company tells them to. I can't see that their love for me is real.
It is so hard at first to let go of people who do not live up to their family obligations. But that is exactly what they are doing, failing their family by being loyal to a company rather than loyal to their family members.
It took me about 4 years to figure this out, and if I had someone like you to help me out, it would have not been quite so hard.
Please get your friend help. He is going to go through some really tough times, and I really doubt that his disloyal little brat daughter will ever come around unless she makes a mistake and they kick her out too. Your friend is very lucky to have you while he goes through the process of healing from this sick cult.
J