by Ray Skyhorse 5 Replies latest jw friends
Hi,
I'm not a JW (and never have been) and my wife is in the Borg. She was assmimilated about 12 years ago. I also have a 5 month old son.
My question is, has anyone ever joined the Borg with the intent of trying to get a son/daughter/wife/etc. out of it? What was the result?
I'm entertaining the idea. I'm just scared that it could destroy my marriage if I'm unsuccessful. I'm also determined to get my wife out. I'm just not sure of my strategy at this time.
Wow. You are considering a 'suicide mission' of sorts. I don't know anyone who has done this, but that doesen't maen it hasn't happened.
Just remember, you would have to maintain the facade of all facades. I don't see how anyone could keep that up year after year. And when you get to the point where you can't keep going, it will be tougher on you & your family then if you hadn't started at all.
I can understand what you want to do, but I don't understand what advantage you would gain by joining. If you or anyone else can think of one, please explain. I think that it would be a tremendous DISadvantage. You are where you want to be (and where you want the family to be)...on the outside. My advice is : don't make things harder than they are already. Do your research, ask the right questions at the right times, but keep your distance from the cult.
Dude, thats the funniest thing I've heard in a long time..lol
Stay where you are. At least you don't have to play by anyone's rules and all options are available to you to get your wife out. By joining, you will end up an "apostate" and she will hate you. At present she just feels sad for you.
Your best bet is to pretend you are interested and ask "appropriate" questions. Tell her you decide not to join because you are concerned over [such and such] and until she can get you a satisfactory answer you will remain where you are.
She will rack her brain going to the elders asking all the difficult questions. In the meantime, perhaps not finding sensible answers will open her eyes.
Path
Hmmm my ex-husband did this - to get his brother out. Well the brother is out and he is still in. His wife (me) left and his kids. His second wife left and her kids. His other brother left and his parents left. But he is still in
I wouldn't suggest it
I agree that you shouldn't join. I would encourage you to keep you wife and kids from as many meetings as possible. Fill up their time with other family strengthening pursuits. Become as strong a family as possible.
I basically became a JW to try to keep my family together. My mother was deeply depressed, my father and brother were abusive alcoholics. I saw myself as the family savior, big mistake. I did everything I could, pioneer, bethel, work, work work, my family was still miserable. Then I left to live my own life and they are still miserable. After all these years, I am just beginning to understand that I am not the cause of them being miserable, nor could I have ever made them happy.
best wishes to you and hugs
Joel
Ray,
Whether you realize it or not, you are now FULLY engaged in theocratic warfare.
Your son already goes to meetings, right? Your wife will spend the time you are at work humming him kingdom melodies right along with lullabies and reading him My Book of Bible Stories right along with nursery rhymes and Pokey Little Puppy.
DO NOT JOIN THE BORG. Rather the most important thing you can do is to teach your son how to reason. Talk to your child as you spend great, enormous even, amounts of time with him. Don't let your wife be the only one who speaks to him of spiritual things. Talk to him about what you believe and why. Tell him what morals and values are most important to you and what your hopes are for him. Don't EVER let Jehovah (or worse yet the elders) become the father he never had. You absolutely do NOT want him feeling like he can only talk to Witnesses (Mom, the elders, his JW friends) about spiritual matters.
Meanwhile, I think Path's advice of broaching your earnest questions to your wife. "Honey, I know it would be much better for the family if we were all the same religion, but here's something that really puzzles me...", "I just can't wrap my mind around ...", etc.
And joelbear's advice to keep your family busy doing things together is excellent! PARENT your son. Many fathers do not. Also, use your headship to your advantage. Your son IS allowed to participate in sports (you may want to limit it to TOWN rec leagues rather than those like YMCA with a religious connection, in deference to your wife's feelings, however), your son CAN join the Math Club, Cub Scouts, the school Chorus or Drama Club or Band, etc. Your son WILL take college preparatory classes in high school. Go to Homecoming, the Prom, etc. He will NOT be a freak, and he is under no obligation to buckle under to pressure to NOT celebrate holidays or birthdays at school unless his own conscience requires it of him. You have no idea what a gift you will be giving your child if you merely allow him normalcy.
Best wishes for success,
outnfree
