Brothers (Sisters need not apply), the Writing Department is looking for a few good, albeit undereducated, writers of excellent theocratic standing to contribute to our monthly publications. No need to come to Bethel. Just keep working half time to support the Society, preaching double time to bring in new members, and, in your spare time, you can write for us. To make it easier, we recommend that you use the work of professional writers as the basis of your own submissions, changing a few key words here and there as appropriate.
As an example, here was a recent contribution to Our Kingdom Ministry (uncredited to preserve humility) on encouraging our children and other new publishers:
"I can't believe that, " said Alice the unbaptised publisher.
"Can't you?" the Queen faithful publisher said in a pitying tone. "Try again: draw a long breath, and shut your eyes."
Alice The unbaptised publisher laughed. "There's no use trying," she said: "one can't believe impossible things."
"I dare say you haven't had much practice," said the Queen faithful publisher. "When I was your age, I always did it for half-an-hour a day. Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast...."
~Brother Merry