Have witness friends done crazy things to you?

LongHairGal

In the last several years I have had JW friends do some crazy things to me which deeply disappointed me. And I might add these are people who I considered to be friends. One left her husband and just decided to cut off all contact with me. No reason. The other moved out of state and got remarried (never told me about it). I heard about this through the grapevine.
There are other lesser but just as disappointing behaviors on the part of certain other people. Now, this is not to say that non-JWs could not do the same thing. But I do believe the corny beliefs of the religion are in some way to blame for these instances.

LHG

diamondblue1974

In the last several years I have had JW friends do some crazy things to me which deeply disappointed me. And I might add these are people who I considered to be friends. One left her husband and just decided to cut off all contact with me. No reason. The other moved out of state and got remarried (never told me about it). I heard about this through the grapevine.
There are other lesser but just as disappointing behaviors on the part of certain other people. Now, this is not to say that non-JWs could not do the same thing. But I do believe the corny beliefs of the religion are in some way to blame for these instances

It has been discussed at some length as to some of the social inadequacies of JW's and the effect the religion has on them. It isnt just their beliefs that cause this, it is the overall culture, they profess to be friends with everyone of their 'brothers and sisters' but the majority do not understand the concepts of friendship and unconditional love and also what it means; if JWs do or come to understand the concepts then they tend to walk away from the religion sometime soon as the culture and belief system dictated to them does not support it.

You are right in the respect that anyone can behave attrociously and this behaviour is not restricted to JW's; but the reasons for such behaviour in JW's is more deep rooted in their culture and makes such treatment highly likely among their believers.

Choose your friends wisely...

talesin

People do things in the course of their lives that hurt our feelings.

Usually, folks are not doing these things to us, they are just flailing around in their own misery ...

I have been out of the LIE for 30 years, and have no JW friends (never had since 1978). The things you speak of are just normal occurrences of life,,, they happen with all kinds of people.

When I was 28, my friend moved away from the province. We had been 'tight' for about 4 years. Never heard from her again.

In the past 5 or 6 years, I have had two friends who left their husbands and ditched all their old friends. They were 'starting over'. Not abandoning anyone ,,, just wanting a fresh start ...

No, I don't think the JWs have a larger propensity for this type of behaviour. It's just normal.

talesin

LongHairGal

Thanks for your replies. I see it is evenly split. The reason I think it might have something to do with the religion is because in the first instance the woman may have left the org. In following their rules maybe she feels she can no longer associate with me. In the second instance, the woman is very status oriented and places a high value on friends who are pioneers, etc. which I am not.

LHG

sweet tee

Hey LHG ... I had several disappointing 'friendships' while in the org. I am sure I also disappointed people. When one chooses ones friends based on their 'spiritual strength' and potential to be 'good association' you're going to have problems. How can you have a REAL friendship with someone when you can't tell them your darkest secrets, your fears, and especially your DOUBTS about the faith you have in common? That's not truly a friendship in my opinion. Plus, when the person leaves the borg ... the friendship's over anyway. Therefore the friendship was based mainly on the religion and the religion imposes it's values, opinions and culture upon you ... that's what we had in common then.

On another note - because I left my childhood friends behind when I became a JW, I found myself as an adult with no long-time, close friends. The few people I have called friends since have disappointed me sometimes, I'm sure I've done the same. It's not intentional I don't think. I like this one e-mail I got that says: some friends are friends for a reason, some are friends for a season ... just take it as it comes.

LongHairGal

SweetTea:

Thank you. It is a terrible thing to wake up one day and realize what you thought you had was a lot of nothing. Because I was always on the "fringes" because I worked full time - I had a friend or two on the outside! Thank God! At least non-JWs like you for who you are and not what you profess to believe in. I know I was viewed suspiciously because I had "worldly" friends. I was told to get rid of them and I would make more friends there. What a load of bull! Yeah, I made friends - but conditional friends!!! At the time, I didn't realize the implications of this because I was caught up in a whirlwind of socializing for a decade or so. Now, I appreciate my "worldly" friends. They may not be perfect but at least I know what the hell they are about. Not so with JWs! You meet people there and don't know what you are dealing with because of the phony veneer. When you do find out it is usually a rude awakening. You may be left reeling for a long time because of a bad experience with these so-called brethren!

LHG

talesin

((LHG))

You know, you are quite right to expect crazy behaviour from JWs. That is the 'norm' for them. I just wouldn't want your expectations of those who are not witnesses to be too high ,,,, folks disappear rather than deal with things, it's hurtful, but not uncommon. Did not mean to discount your experience. ;)

tal

LongHairGal

Talesin:

No offense taken.

Don't worry! I have no high expectations about people in general. You get quite an education about human nature in that place. I have no illusions. The rose-colored glasses came off a long time ago. Ha. Ha. I am not crying in my beer either because these hurts are quite a few years old. It is just interesting the things we tolerated when we were there!

LHG

burnthepig

Dear LHG...

A few years ago.. I left the "organization" as well as my husband... In the process, I lost every friend I had ever had... I was raised in the religion, and did have very good friends. I miss them, as well as my family terribly. I have routinely been dissapointed and deeply hurt by these "friends" and am amazed at how nomatter what we had all been through.. Needless to say, after 25 years.. (quite alot!) They all have turned theyre back on me.. And although I was expecting and prepared for that, It still hurts.. I miss everyone.. Jason, Jolynn, Missy, Laura, and Exspecially my Best friend Kara.. I think about trying to contact them, but am petrified.. knowing how I was taught.. AND how they are taught.. Sometimes I worry, that they think I left them high and dry.. As you feel your friend may have.. But please don't take it personally.. Because I left my husband, the religion, etc. and however much I would like to contact my old friends.. I still am D.F'd.. SO I don't. I don't want to disrespect them.. and They are no different from how I was. They SIMPLY just dont realize it. That's all. I am sure your friend probably misses you too.

It has been really hard trying to make new friends.. trying to trust again..

Sorry that you have had this bad experience.

Falling Out of A World Of Lies,

The Pig

Have witness friends done crazy things to you?

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