Go Get Your Mammies Grammed

adelmaal

Reading this just had me in stitches! The joys of being a woman . GO GET YOUR MAMMIES GRAMMED

For years and years they told me,
Be careful of your breasts.
Don't ever squeeze or bruise them.
And give them monthly tests.

So I heeded all their warnings,
And protected them by law.
Guarded them very carefully,
And I always wore my bra.

After 30 years of astute care,
My gyno, Dr Pruitt,
Said I should get a Mammogram.
"OK," I said, "let's do it."

"Stand up here real close" she said,
(She got my boob in line),
"And tell me when it hurts," she said,
"Ah yes! Right there, that's fine."

She stepped upon a pedal,
I could not believe my eyes!
A plastic plate came slamming down,
My hooter's in a vise!

My skin was stretched! and mangled,
From underneath my chin.
My poor boob was being squashed,
To Swedish Pancake thin.

Excruciating pain I felt,
Within it's viselike grip.
A prisoner in this vicious thing,
My poor defenseless tit!

"Take a deep breath" she said to me,
Who does she think she's kidding?!?
My chest is mashed in her machine,
And woozy I am getting.

"There, that's good," I heard her say,
(The room was slowly swaying.)
"Now, let's have a go at the other one."
Have mercy, I was praying.

It squeezed me from both up and down,
It squeezed me from both sides.
I'll bet SHE'S never had this done,
To HER tender little hide.

Next time that they make me do this,
I will request a blindfold.
I have no wish to see again,
My knockers getting steam rolled.

If I had no problem when I came in,
I surely have one now.
If there had been a cyst in there,
It would have gone " ker-pow!"

This machine was created by a man,
Of this, I have no doubt.
I'd like to stick his balls in there,
And, see how THEY come out!

jeanniebeanz

I'd like to stick his balls in there,
And, see how THEY come out!

Oh, man...laughing so hard here...

adelmaal

I know!!!

I sent this to my boss and he said it would never happen because unlike boobs balls have a natural retraction mechanism - LOL.

jeanniebeanz

Really?? Okay, now I am intrigued. What is that reaction? *listens intently*

adelmaal

JB:

Here is what I found regarding the phenomenon my boss spoke of .

Retractile testicles are very common and it merely means that although your testicles hang normally in your scrotum most of the time, they are pulled up by certain muscles into the groin area in certain circumstances. Swimming, especially in cool water, will almost always cause this, as the natural tendency of the muscles in the skin surrounding the scrotum is to contract in the cold. The cremaster muscle pulls the testicle upwards and in some men into the inguinal canal that lies just above and behind the crease at the top of the leg where it joins with the abdomen. This happens too when you are nervous or anxious as a result of stress hormones, as well as during sporting activities. During physical exertion blood flow is diverted to the exercising muscles and away from the genitalia. Again the testicles are pulled up as a result. During sport, the scrotum contracts to protect the testicles from harm, and in fact, retractile testicles have a protective value in contact sports for this reason. Professional sumo wrestlers in Japan actually massage their testicles into their inguinal canals deliberately so they do not become injured during wrestling. Testicles normally and naturally retract during sex, especially prior to ejaculation.

jeanniebeanz

Ok, that's sick. I now have a picture in my mind of enormously fat hairless men playing with their nutsos. I think I'm gonna be ill...

J

Lehaa

Thanks for sharing,

would be absolutely hillarious if it wer't soo true.

I've heard they hurt.

Satanus

You'ld think that women could get guys to do that in a much more gentler and personable way. Heh heh

S

Greyeyes

I'ce tried offering my female friends free breat exams, but sadly I think they're under the impression that I'm kidding.......

Go Get Your Mammies Grammed

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