Update to Shawn's story 2

by Shawn 8 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Shawn
    Shawn

    I have taken a break from the board for a week because I am just burnt out. Nothing is getting better. I am still praying every day that the seeds I have planted grow but so far nothing is going on. We talk every once in a while. This past weekend was really bad and she saw me when she got back from being with a bunch of JWs. She told me that she is not going to be able to see me anyomre and that I can't call her. She will call me when she needs to and she wants me to be there for her. I told I understood and that I am always there for her no mater what.

    It is not any easier today than it was 2 weeks ago. I miss her and I love her. I wish we could talk about things but I know it is no longer in my hands. I have stopped reading for a while and am trying to find things to occupy my time. It is not working very well. I did talk to her father's girlfriend and she in turn talked to me friend's father. He talked to her and tried to find out why she is making the choices she is and told her that they are all there for her no matter what. That was very good and I am glad he did that. I am still waiting for her mother to come to me to talk though.

    There is still hope. I pray every day that things get better for her and that her eyes are opened. Please continue to pray for her. I am going to take a little more time away from this because it is killing me and then I am going to read some more. I am done with what I have started. I want to plant those seeds in people. I want to witness to those that are being decieved. It is just going to take a ahile before I have the strength. Thank you and please pray for both of us.

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  • kls
    kls

    Sorry Shawn ,and believe me i kmow the feeling all to well. You have done a great thing in trying and now it is all wait and see that she herself will see. Don't give up hope just don't rely on it.Remember i told you about getting to emotional in the fight and that is still true.

    Glad to see you back.

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  • NewLight2
    NewLight2

    Hi Shawn,

    Glad to see you posting again. I have missed your posts.

    As hard as it is emotionally for you, your friend has chosen to limit her contact with you. But that does not mean that you can't send her cards every now and then just to keep in touch and say 'I still care'.

    Take this time to continue your studying up on how JW's think, feel, and respond to non-JW's. The inter-action on JWD is excellent for this purpose.

    You may also want to start a web page of your own. That would be an ideal way for you collect all that you are learning into one place. Here are two web sites that are easy to use and you don't need web page making experience to use them. GeoCities is very, very easy to use. You get 15 Megs for free.

  • http://geocities.yahoo.com/
    • This one allows you 50 Megs of free space and does not have ad banners. I have pages on both of these sites.

  • Cjb.cc Free Web Hosting


    • NewLight2
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  • Shawn
    Shawn

    NL2, I have been thinking of starting a site. It could be good for me.

    kls, I will always have hope. God wants her and it is only a matter of time before he gets her.

    I am back, though probably not as much as before. I am still learning but for now I need to focus my attention on being her friend and I found that while I was reading and posting all the time that goal was not being met. Thank you all and I will be lurking around.

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  • Shawn
    Shawn

    I know right now she is very confused and I can tell by talking to her and seeing her that she doesn't want to do what she is doing. I believe it is what she feels is right by Jehovah and that she has been "love bombed" by these people so much lately that she feels everything is going to be alright. It will only last for so long and I know that she is thinking in ways she wasn't before because of what we have talked about.

    I will continue being her friend and I will always be there for her. She cries when she tells me to let her go. She cries when she says that she needs to be a JW. She cries when I hold her and tell her to talk to me. It is only a matter of time before she cries alone and thinks about the choices she has made and sees that the people who she surrounds herself with are not ones that truely love her. Her family has been telling her more lately that they are there for her no matter what and I think she is seeing that is true.

    Tomorrow is her mother's birthday and I am interested to see if she spends it with her. I really hope so.

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  • NewLight2
    NewLight2

    Shawn,

    Whenever she does decide to make contact with you just be a good LISTENER. Learn to ask her leading questions about how and why she feels the way she does. This will give you a better understanding of the JW mindset plus this will build trust. At this point, try to find things that the two of you can AGREE about, rather than what you don't like about the religion.

    I feel that she is seeking a deeper relationship with 'Jehovah' and that she is convinced that returning to the JW religion is the only way to accomplish this.

    It doesn't matter at this point that you believe that Jehovah = Jesus, the Son, and that she believes that Jehovah = God, the Father, you can still agree with her motive of becoming closer to 'Jehovah'.

    It seems clear to me that the only reason she is pushing you away right now, is that she views you as a hinderance to her main goal. If you can prove to her that both of you agree in this goal, she may stop pushing you away. As long as you are not 'dating' her and she does not view you as an 'oposser' but an 'interested one', there should be no major objection to remaining a 'casual friend'.

    But this is going to be a tough 'balancing act' on your part. You do not want to appear to be 'too interested', yet you do not want to be 'too disinterested' either. That is why you need to learn to be a good listener which shows your 'interest'.

    I hope I'm making some sense to you with my rambling in this post.

    NewLight2

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  • AuntieJane
    AuntieJane

    Thanks for writing Shawn. I am so sorry to hear this. I know you care so much about your friend, but there is nothing more that you can do at this point. NL2 has good advice. Take a break, be good to yourself and keep in touch~

    Auntie J

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  • cyberguy
    cyberguy

    Shawn,

    It sounds like you had a relationship at one time with her and that there is still some emotional connection there. From your overview of the situation, she sounds very confused. Of course, as a non-JW, you are viewed (by JW?s in general) as "bird seed" at Armageddon! She therefore, is probably getting some pressure from her JW "friends" to terminate any relationship with you. This is one of the clever tactics of the JW "organization!"

    One thing you might want to do is review Ray Franz's 2 books. They are excellent in uncovering the internal cult-culture of JW's. You might try to bring out some of the major issues involving JW's (not exposing the books of course) that should make any "thinking" JW's pause and reflect on what or who they are really worship; JW's actually worship an "organization." Anyway, be kind, considerate, and understanding, as I'm sure you have been thus far.

    Take care!

    Cyber

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  • Hondo
    Hondo

    Hello Shawn. I continue to wish the best for you, although it sounds like she is pretty much gone. You have become number 49 on her list of 50 of people important to her now. If you were married to her all you would be is an "unbelieving mate," not a husband. The WTS has, for the most part, would have filled those shoes. I suspect there is some hope, though not much, since you are not married, although I would venture to guess that since she is also still single there are those JW's closest to her, and counseling her, recommending that she find a nice "brother" to hitch up with, and totally detach herself from a worldly person like yourself. Don't be surprised if she further distances herself from you as time goes on. I don't paint a pretty picture, and I am sorry.

    As I've told you in previous posts, I went through same thing, and for a good year tried every trick in the book to have my ex-wife compromise with me, even in the smallest way. The final day in court was the darkest for me. I as much begged her, minutes before we went in to see the judge, to not allow the divorce to continue, and not to destroy our family our marriage, life, but leave the JW's. All to no avail. I looked into her eyes and only saw the dark, deep, and complete control of the WTS. It was as though I were talking to a manakin; she wasn't even listening to me.

    Good luck to you Shawn and GB.

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