Religion and Relationships?

by DocHayes 4 Replies latest social relationships

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  DocHayes

  How much does religion factor with who you decide to have a relationship with? Of course as a JW you weren't supposed to marry or even date someone who wasn't a dub. But now that you're out how much does that matter?

  I've decided that I do not want anyone who is very religious, especially one who is Christian. Living in the south, aka Bible belt, people are religious by default. No matter how you live your personal life, everyone is a southern Christian down in these parts.

  In my last relationship I broke it off for several reasons. One of the main reasons had to deal with the relationship thing. I told her that I was not a Christian, I did not believe in Christ (although I did tell her I read the Bible twice), I had no interest in setting foot in a church (with the exception of weddings, funerals, and other special invited events), yadda, yadda, yadda.

  Nonetheless she was shocked, and turned "holier-than-thou", even though I could have been a more upstanding Christian than her. I wasn't hurt or upset, but I saw this as a problem and with my position on religion, I wasn't going to move away from it all. She told me that I was too picky, etc and she didn't believe that I would ever find anyone who wasn't a "Christian", etc.

  So am I too picky?
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  Qcmbr

  Not at all - I would always recommend that you marry someone who believes similar things to you - marriage is not a good place to debate religion. When two people are united they are very powerful but if you have something so fundamental different then in all liklehood you will pull in different directions and that is just a world of hurt. Relationships are the most precious things in the world and its just criminal to let religion jeopardise that.
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  Jordynne

  I don't think you're being too picky. but...

  Have you examined your own beliefs, your values, and the difference between religion and spirituality?

  I am currently very confused with all of this myself, but I have realized that this is what I need to figure out. I do know that I want someone with the same type of values and morals as myself, and if you really think about it...what is good is bible based (with loose interpretation) but generally good. What is spirituality? What drives your hopes and dreams, your faith, do you trust in something? Who do you talk to in your head? Do you ever ask for help? What really gives you hope that everything will be ok?

  Who you find in a relationship should respect and understand your answers to these questions.

  or respect that you have no answers. and not pressure you to have the same answers as them.

  Most people are just looking for someone who has the same values and morals.

  Although, I am still confused and should be seeking advice rather than giving it.....just like to think out loud.

  jord
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  EvilForce

  My relationship thrives that we don't think alike. I don't want someone who thinks just like I do. I like to be able to debate and have some challenge my thought processes and be able to stand their own ground on what the believe. This is what it's like having a partner / equal in life.
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  Markfromcali

  Not only does one or both parties being religious or not matter, it also depends on what religion is to you. Actually, basically it depends on what relationship is to you. While I appreciate that intellectual stimulation can be a part of it, I don't see relationships as a matter of thought process alone, or any process at all. All of that may be there, but the bottom line is what are you about, what is your life about, (or what life is to you) and how does that fit in with the other person - or whether it does fit. I guess I would say the processes is just how that plays out.

  It's a challenge to find someone who thinks similarly as you or not, but it's even harder to find someone who doesn't live life based on thoughts and beliefs. Actually, that's what we all want isn't it? Sure you might find someone who believes a certain way, or is smart and interesting, but these factors alone do not automatically make someone you'd want to be in a relationship with. Isn't it true that sometimes you can look at someone who is otherwise very attractive in different ways, but there is just something missing?

  And not to be negative, but frankly even when you like everything about each other the relationship doesn't necessarily always work out anyway. Whether it's geographical distance, career or whatever, life situation sometimes just does not match up like the people do. Sure we can work on that, and that part of it is a process, but when life isn't just about that perfect girl or guy, you just don't drop everything else and focus on the relationship exclusively. We may have other relationships in our lives like if you're a parent and so on...

  It may seem rather difficult, but I think the key is to not compromise how you want to live, and then the relationship part will be in context of the life you want to have. Of course there's the give and take, but the bottom line is finding out what is really important - then we can let the rest of that go.