Her Ladyship once told me that I reminded her of a loaf of bread that had only risen on one side.
Now, many years later, I understand what she was saying to me. I think that when you are brought up with very limited choices, such as experienced by those who are witnesses, your maturation process is severely impeded. Your personality doesn't develop properly. Rather like a car driver who never gets the opportunity to put his foot hard down on the accelerator because he is surrounded by road signs telling him what to do every few yards, so the witness never gets the chance to try out his own life skills because he too, is told exactly what to do what to think, every few hours of his life. He is kept in permamnent childhood with all of it's self-absorption and petty selfishness.
Now, looking back, I'm appalled at some of the things I did and thought. The self-righteousness and priggishness striated with pure selfish indulgence, often at the expense of others. In particular, I look back and see that one emotion that was slow to develop in me was that of compassion. Compassion for others based on their welfare as opposed to my gaining godly kudos if I treated them right. I'm not talking altruism here, I'm talking about an emotion that is non-selfish, one that requires us to care for anothers self-esteem right up the entire gamut to their physical welfare also.
Conversely, I'm also aware that there are people out there who are not entitled to much compassion from me either. However, the older I get, the fewer of these undeserving people do I encounter. In fact I'm rapidly reaching the stage where I can't think of one single person that I have encountered on these boards that I would not welcome into my home.
Englishman.