There's a chapter in my history that I'm constantly referring back to in my life. A place where I'd quite litterally lost my mind. The house where I lived when I was a teen, struggling with issues of not being able to serve Jehovah, effectively, peer pressure, girl crazy, sexually preoccupied, struggling with being the only one in my family trying to serve Jehovah, the drugs and alcohol that so quickly were introduced into my life after coming to learn about Jehovah. There was the place where I suffered my first nervous breakdown, ( Went Crazy ), and have never been the same after that. Every time I go to visit my Mom, who lives near our old house, there's never a time I don't revisit the block where the tragic occurence happened. I always go down that road and remember the place where I'd virtually lost my life ( emotional ) My mentality has done a 180 degree turn in the last 10 years, and especially since finding JWD and all of you, but I still find myself remembering. Like visiting a haunted house. Nightmare on 11th street. Anybody else returning to the scene of the crime, reminiscing the past, shaking your head in disbelief as to how conflicted your life used to be? Though I'm much stronger now then before this drama unfolded, I think at the end of the road I've come to be a better person, in spite of it.
Haunted Past / Returning to the Scene of the Crime
by prophecor 9 Replies latest jw friends
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kwintestal
In two weeks I will be confronting my past. I'll let you know how it goes.
Kwin
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tijkmo
mine is not so much the places....i can return to them and enjoy good memories
mine is certain people...and it wouldnt matter where i met them and i would want to
(well use your imagination)
getting better though
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kls
Prophecor,no i have never gone back to where i was raised and never will . That must be hard to go back where your mom still lives and have to relive those painful times in your life .After my dad died the house was sold so i had no reason to go back so i am thankful for that.
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blondie
The last house I lived in with my abusive father came up for sale, an open house. I went through it telling my husband about the events and where they happened. Somehow that let me lay to rest all those fears, ghosts.
Blondie
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bem
Hello Dear ((((Art))))
I have visited my haunted past many times and in many different ways. I believed my Mom not a jw knew my step-dad was molesting me. Heck my oldest memory of the abuse is when I was about three years old. I finally got to tell her when I was 36 years old, of course she denied it. and wanted it swept away and not discussed. so we ignore it, still. here we are 9 years later and have barely ever talked about it. My abuser died Nov,2003 at 96 years old with out me ever confronting him with it.
I can live with my self tho' thanks to hours and hours of group and individual counseling sessions. Not to mention the many hours I have spent here reading. Plus now I am a domestic abuse advocate for adults & have worked years with children.
I know for a fact "surviving" has made me the person I am today. A fairly well adjusted adult that has three great kids, despite the wts influence. but we're all free of that now and living happy productive lives. I sure don't recommend strife, edge of oblivion or wt life to gain balance tho'
Take care to you and Mrs.Prophecor
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Sunnygal41
(((Prophecor))) Of course, honey. We are all human beings! I spent the whole twenty years of my married life extremely depressed, unhappy, thinking there was something seriously wrong with ME! The only problem with ME was that I was living a life that was not in touch and true to who I was. I did the avoidance stuff too.........alcohol was my drug of choice for a while.........then I left the borg, got divorced and did a stint in a 12 step group...........now I'm recovering at a deeper level every year.......and I do still revisit the sad times...........but, slowly things are getting better..........I chose to get medical help in the form of antidepressants and antianxieties to help me, too. My disorder started in childhood, in an alcoholic home and all the rest of what happened are just symptoms and side effects of dealing with that. Sometimes, I long to return to who I was before I made the wrong choices, but, then I realize that I've gained so much from going thru what I did, and the person I was back then wasn't healthy either. So, forgive yourself and others for what happened and keep finding who you are supposed to be..........that is the best and healthiest way to live your life. Stay true to yourself from now on and don't compromise that for anything.
Happy Life Journey to You, Fellow Pilgrim!
Terri
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sf
Everytime I had gone to the town where I grew up I had to make a plan of stopping at the apartment. Each time I had done so, no one was home. Until the last time I went.
The resident was finally home. Immediately after telling her that I lived there as a small child with my sisters and brother and mother, she knew why I was there. She asked if I needed to come in. I said yes and we walked through the entire apartment, even outback where the laundry room was where all the kids in the hood would meet up. She was very gracious and I thanked her.
Amazing how small it all was. Five people in that space was inconceivable. But mom did it.
It was great way of shedding some of the scar tissue. And I'm so glad she was home.
sKally
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prophecor
Thanks everyone. Your responses are greatly appreciated. I was only 18 when suffering the NBD. It was one of the most horrendous times of my life. I was totally convinced that I was attacked by the demons, despite the fact that my NBD was drug induced. Simple Marijuana. It actually happened the night after coming home from one of the assemblies. I spent an entire week and a half, totally out of my mind before my parents had to have me committed to a psychiatric wing of the hospital. My first initiation into the psychiatric system.
I was the only one trying to serve Jehovah, ( The Organization ) at the time. All my friends and family were of the worldly class. At that delicate age, along with the thought that I would never make it as a JW, my behavior no longer reflective of what a JW was, I knew I was destined to die in without Jehovah's blessing.
It would take almost 15 years after that incident, before I would be able to even reasonably try to make a return to the KH.
Little did I realize the storms that would confront me after finally becoming baptized would be so tumultuous.
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Funchback
Deep.
That is something, prophecor (name borrowed from Main Source???).
Yo. I can go to my old neighborhood in Mt. Airy and not feel anything JW related. But, I can understand if you (or anyone) has painful memories.
But I can definitely relate to the "uncomfortableness" and "uncertainty" of trying to find yourself after leaving Dubdom.
I'm glad we live in close proximity, man.
I look forward to hooking up with you!