PLAYBOY INTERVIEW with BOB DYLAN (May 30th 2005)
Playboy: 'So, Mr Dylan, how is the touring going?'
Dylan: 'What touring?'
Playboy: 'The tour you've just finished. The one that ended in
New York earlier this month?'
Dylan: 'Uh? Oh yeah. Well I wouldn't call it a tour, exactly.'
Playboy: 'What would you call it?'
Dylan: 'It's ... er ... mathematical strategy. It's a
progression. We all watch for things beyond our reasoning ... the thin
wild mercury moves up and down the thermometer. Time piles up and then
down again. It all gets filtered through the same prism in the end. I
guess its based on plate tectonics.'
Playboy: '... Right.... So, how do you see your fans these days?'
Dylan: 'As little as possible.' [Dylan laughs and takes a sip of
water]
Playboy: 'Some of your fans say you are mumbling and on
auto-pilot.'
Dylan: 'I'm the same as I ever was. I've always mumbled. It's
what I do. I hope it annoys them. I've introduced the up-singing to
get rid of some more of those losers. Some of these so-called fans,
they give me the creeps. They want you do change and when you do they
want you t' be the same. I went 'lectric. I got religion. I wore
that jacket on the cover of Empire Burlesque. It's always been my
nature to take chances. Anyway, what do I care? I got my Oscar.
I'm the Poet Laureate of Rock n Roll. What have my fans got? Huh?
Beer-bellies, Merle Haggard t-shirts and a bootleg collection where
their lives should be.' [Dylan laughs so much the interview has to
halt for a few moments].
Playboy: [Rolling the tape again] 'You can't need the money, Mr
Dylan. Why do you keep touring?'
Dylan: 'I do what I do. Do you ask a plumber why he goes to
work?'
Playboy: 'Er...to fix drains?'
Dylan: 'That's what you assume. But when was the last time you
really asked a plumber why he's going to work, huh?'
Playboy: 'I'll be sure and remember to do that.'
Dylan: 'You make sure you do. Some of that money from Live Aid, I
think they should have maybe taken some of that money and given it to
the plumbers in the Midwest. Those guys sure do a great job. I had a
leak in the tour bus once. Plumber fixed it in a flash. Thought I was
gonna be down in the flood for a minute there.'
Playboy: 'Speaking of money what happened to the money from that
Victoria's Secret ad?'
Dylan: [Looking angry for the first time in the interview] 'How
have you even got the nerve to ask me that? Do you think it was cheap
paying off Fuzzy Koella? Huh?? Do you know how much I had to pay to
get rid of that slap-headed geek? Garnier costs me a fortune in
pork-pie hats, too. Jesus! I don't believe you.'
Playboy: 'Have you got a message for your many fans at this time?'
Dylan: 'Always call a plumber, carry a wrench and keep the invoice
for any work done (in case it turns out to be faulty).'
Playboy: 'Thanks, Mr Dylan. You've cleared a lot of points up for
us today.'
[Dylan strolls out of the office sniffing drainpipes and reciting the
alphabet]
[[[ as posted recently to newsgroup rec.music.dylan]]]