childhood and the watchtower

by 4christ 5 Replies latest jw experiences

  • 4christ
    4christ

    hello everyone! i am not a JW but....... when i was a child my mother was a "searcher". she was involved with Armstrongism, some other cult i cant remember the name, and finally JWs. She would take me with her to "bible studies" and I would listen. I recieved a copy of "My book of bible stories" at about 8 or 9 years old. She as well as my older brother were heavily into these bible studies for some time. I dont think they were ever baptized, probably because of their thinking for themselves and questioning some of their teachings. When I was about 11 or 12, my mother started talknig to some people from a baptist church. I know that for a while there she was really buying into what they were saying but i dont know if she was being "mind controlled" , i think it was more of being decieved and beleiving in the lies. Her and my grandmother argued about celebrateing christmas and i believe that she destoyed a cross she had had. Anyway, when she talked to these other folks, she still wanted to go to kingdom hall, and made arrangements for one of them to pick her up. by this time, she had been diagnosed with ovearian cancer and had dire spiritual needs. She waited for them outside on the sidewalk and they never showed up. She studied with them again after that. Im not sure if she ever really got over the damage done by the watchtower or not, she died when i was 14. she was baptized at a baptist church and i was also at the same time ( i was 12, and turned away quickly after that) I do know t
    hat before she died she asked one of the jw ladies to "watch over" my brother. hed studied with them for a while afterwards, secretly because dad and grandma did not approve after how they snubbed mom. He did get out. I on the other hand wouldnt even talk to them. Some of it is blurry, between trying to block it out and the substances i was consuming.......... I turned away from God, any God, for many years. When I was grown i started studying Wicca but then came to know the love of Christ.
    So anyway, this is part of my childhood experience. I was indoctrinated as a child by the jws and that book, that bible story book, scared me as a kid. I still own this book and my moms old watchtower pubs and books and am sure to keep it up high that my own kids wont see it. I still am not fully clear on what psych scars i carry because of my experience
    I dont know much about "mind control" but what is clear to me is that the way they shun people is not christian like and their doctrine is not in agreement with scripture. I saw not too long ago another death because someone believed in these untrue and harmful doctrines. It breaks my heart that there are others out there like mom, honest seekers trying to find meaning, that get wrapped up in this destructive organization that turns their backs on the very ones that need the most.
    I attend a baptist church, and i know when i go there its ok to disagree and speak out of turn. one lady said to me, " we are in the forgiveness business" and i like that. forgiving people for being......human! what a concept. Sometimes i dont feel like going to church, i want to stay home and be with my husband, and thats just fine. I dont think i have to go there to be with God, he is always right here wherever we are. Sometimes I feel closest to Him when I am playing with my kids or just appreciating the beauty of nature and His creation. In Christ there is freedom, not bondage, and he loves us as we are not as some other person expects us to be.
    I saw an old friend of mine a while back, just before I accepted the Lord, and he is involved with the JWs. we talked a little bit , and i could just sense something about him..... like he was working and trying so hard........ I wish i had been able to say something more to him......... he reminded me of an animal in a cage the look in his eyes.... going on about how hard it is to do gods will, reaching,searching, trying. I hope i have the right words to say if i see him again. okay well anyway thats my story.

    i remembered the name ........ Christadelphians. does anyone know anything about this group?

  • cathy4school
    cathy4school

    Hi, I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your mom and the difficulties you have endured. It's not easy when you are in a group and expect their support and get none, but that's the way it is. Try and keep up your spirits and remember your mom would want you to be happy in your life. There is alot of nice people in here and I know they will also help you deal with all your mixed feelings. I too was ignored at a time of need but I have gone on and am doing fine, with God's help. He is always there for you no matter where you are. Be strong! And good luck to you.

  • 4christ
    4christ

    cathy, thank you for your kind words and thoughts! i am pretty happy in my life, alot to be thankful for. I am trying to get past the mish mash of things i've been taught and learning what I really think and believe. I dont want to be afraid to answer the door........ ive moved a few times and wherever I was, eventually there would be a witness at my door. One time I actually hid from her, she knew I was there! This lady had been at my door a few times with a little girl maybe 7 or 8. She came back because I had taken her literature and she had asked me something like do you know what will happen to you when you die. I got in my bed under the covers and wouldnt come out! I was a coward... I had some jws at my door a few months ago, two nice men, and I told them I was familiar with the watchtower and that I believed in Jesus. One said we do too and I said we dont believe in the same Jesus. They were very quick to leave after that. part of me wanted to keep talking to them but I was also relieved that they gave up easily. Thanx again for your comments and God bless you.

  • Jon672
    Jon672

    That is a touching story, 4Christ. I feel for what you went through with the controlling, guilt-trip laying group such as the witnesses at a time when your mother really needed support spiritually.

    I am not religious and have such a strong need to think for myself right now, I couldn't listen to what anyone else would want me to believe. Someday that may change. However, I am very happy you were strong and found the Baptist church, where you are free to be yourself and worship God without such internal conflict and guilt as is had by the witnesses. Thank you for sharing your story.

    Jon in Utah
    PS: Sorry, can't offer any help on the Christadelphians.

  • jurs
    jurs

    I just wanted to say hi and I was touched by your story. I'm sorry to hear about your mom. jurs

  • Shane
    Shane

    I have memories of standing for the flag salute, and setting for the national anthem, many times I was spit on and my hair pulled out hit kicked at a very young age, I survived but that's not the point.
    Many people died for not obtaining a political party card in an African County, or snubbed for voting, these two things they seem to have changed their views on. Being a Jehovah's Witness's was everything to me, it was my life, for most all of my life because I was raised as one. I felt proud to be abused for then what I believed, but you know I did not know anything else, I did not know what I know now, I should have! the Internet is a blessing, it has allowed countless numbers of people to learn new things in many different fields, not just about JW's but many facts that others wise would be hidden. A great revolution is taking place at this time, its a release of the mind from controlling manipulating groups be it government or religions.
    Don't be afraid to speak out, many before this time had NO way to let their pain out, free of charge. Praise God, now is the time for release. <> Shane

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