Need Some Advice

skeptikchick

I was just wondering if anyone could enlighten me with their experiences in regards to telling their parents about a serious relationship with a non-JW. My boyfriend who I've been with for 2 years now and live with, does not know how to approach things when his Mother (a very devout JW) comes to visit this summer. We have separate rooms, and so we were thinking that we basically have two options. 1) Lie and tell her we are strictly roommates and nothing more, or 2) Tell her that we are together and live in the same house (which I know is already serious and totally against JW beliefs) for financial reasons, but do not sleep together. I have never met his Mother before and I really do want to make a good impression whether or not he admits to her what I really mean to him, because she will be staying with us for a week, and I want her to have a good time. So please if anyone out there has and words of wisdom please feel free to share them. We love each other more than anything, and he knows that if he stays with me, he will have to compromise some beliefs, and he is fine with that seeing as he is not completely supportive of all JW doctrine... however his mother is a completely different story. Is it possible for him to sustain his close relationship with his mother and be with me? I know many would say no, but I would also appreciate any stories of those who have been in this situation before and how you dealt with it, whether you were the Mother, the child, or the boyfriend/ girlfriend. Thank you sooo much

Sunspot

When my two oldest sons (one baptized-one wasn't) got to be off on their own, both of them had both gotten into relationships with nonJW girls, as in living together.

I didn't know the situation before I went there, and both gals were conspicuously absent. When it became apparent there was someone else living there, I just kept quiet.

They were both earning their own living and paying their own rent, etc, so I didn't lecture them or get into a guilt trip. The baptized one was DFed a year later because the elders went to make a "shepherding call" on him because he had missed so many meetings. THEY figured out what was up, so I had nothing to do with it.

It all depends on what the mother feels or sizes up on her own, and what she'll choose to do or not choose to do when she gets there. I was a strong JW too, for 30 years, and my kids all knew it. They were raised as JWs, but when they are out on their own....they are their own people.

I wish I could offer more advice......

hugs,

Annie

love11

Hey chick- I was raised a jw and married a non-jw. In my case I was disfellowshipped for innocently spending the night at his house, which nothing happened that night. So being that you two are living together, if he is a baptised witness he will be disfellowshipped once the mom comes to visit and finds this out. Mom's are smart and there is no way you are going to convince her that you are living together and not having sex. I guess I would say it all depends on if he still wants to be a jw. Also, I have lost everyone around me, my mom, dad, family, friends, everyone. (Like many here) However, I occasionally hear about a family that will not let anyone get in there way and still associate with their disfellowshipped child, sibling, etc,. I think your bf would know better how his mom is and he should plan accordingly from that. IMO

homesteader

that's a hard one. as a mom of 4 adult children I think that you should be honest with this women. i didn't like a lot of things my kids did but after getting over the disappointment I chose to love and have a relationship with them with no regrets. mom might be disappointed that her son isn't living up to her morals but most moms love their kids unconditionally. i think being dishonest would hurt her more. respect her and don't sleep with mr right while she's visiting. my adult kids smoke, which I detest. I know they smoke, but out of respect they don't smoke around me. i've heard many jw's comment that that some of the "worldy" boyfriends/girlfriends that their children have are better than the jw's. i'm guessing that's how your boyfriends mom is going to feel. best wishes. grace.

pennycandy

If she is a typical witness, I would suspect she would refuse to even stay in the same house. To do so to her would be condoning immoral behavior.

When I was single, my mom visited. The first night I gently told her I was becoming close with a non-JW man, not even really dating yet, just interested in each other (actually we were planning on our wedding, but wanted to break her in slowly). She stayed the night as it was late and was gone the next morning.

If she had any proof we were sleeping together, she wouldn't hesitate to turn me in.

But aside from that whole betrayal thing our relationship is pretty good (tongue in cheek).

Dragonlady76

I doubt his mother would believe the "were not having sex story." Be honest and brace yourself for her disapproval, as a JW mom the only woman for her son should be a dub girl courted JW style. She may even turn him in to the elders, so be ready for anything. I hope it goes well for you, keep us updated.

DL76

fifi

Hello,

fifi

Hello again. Sorry, I did something wrong. Anyway, my experience is much the same as that of Love11. Like she said, it's mostly about whether he wants to remain a JW or not as there will be NO compromise. I would say be honest and don't try to pull the wool over anyone's eyes. He must know just how devout a JW his mum is and realise that there is a risk of her running to the elders with a story... or not as the case may be.

Fifi

skeptikchick

Thanks everyone for sharing your experiences and words of wisdom. My boyfriend and I talked about this situation some more this weekend and of course he kept trying to quickly end the subject because he doesn't even want to think about it. I guess we are opposites in that sense since I like to be as prepared as possible for difficult situations, and he likes to deal with the problem when its right there in your face. anyhow, keep the stories comind guys, it really is putting alot of things in perspective for me, and though I am still hoping for the best, all your words are preparing me for the worst, which is a lot better then getting caught off guard. Thanks again everyone. You all are wonderful

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