Invatation Snubs - Anybody?

CaptK

My mother who has been a JW for over 50 yrs, was sent an invatation to an elder's son high school graduation party. However it was addressed to just her alone not including her husband who is not a witness but a nice guy just no JW. The elder's son has yet to speak to my mother at the meetings even a hello or a casual conversation. She thinks this is just request for a $$$ gift for his kid graduation from high school. It is funny because in my day ( 1975) you was not suppose to have a graduation party because this was honoring the creature not the creator. Anyway my mother was taking to another JW sister and her husband who is not a JW was invited. This person has known about the JW's for over 30 yrs and as I known him since I was a witness in 1975. The above elder has discussions with this guy but he has yet to attend a JW meeting. By the way the above elder made it clear that I was to be d'fd when he was on my JC meeting. Is this a snub or politics ? Why would he invite one person not a JW to his kids HS grad party and not my dad. Both are not JW's but their wife's are. Is there something from the society as to who to invite and who not to invite to socal functions?

under74

I doubt the WTS has real rules on this....it's more like an everchanging rule book fron congregation to congregation. This elder could have many reasons (all of the no doubt bogus) as to why he would invite one non-JW and not another. The first I'm thinking is that he disfellowshipped you and perhaps the invited non-JW didn't have any JW kids that got disfellowshipped. OR maybe he thinks more money will come from the invited couple?

I wouldn't take it to heart although I know it's hard not to. This elder sounds like many other JWs in making up his own rules and holding grudges.

IT Support

She thinks this is just request for a $$$ gift

As a matter of interest, what sort of gift is usually considered appropriate, in particular to a good friend?

(This custom is rather alien to us Brits!)

kls

My husband would always get wedding invites from his jw members in the mail and never did they have my name on them . I wouldn't have gone anyway but just for their rudness the invites went out with the trash.

vitty

This is the JWs at there lowest. The umming and arhing about who to invite to a private or congregation "do" is unbelieveable.

"We cant really invite her husband cos he never shows an interest" or "lets invite her husband, cos he came to the memorial last year" It made me sick!!!!!!!!!!

It never enters there heads that they could be encouraging the lonely sister or brother whos partner isnt in the truth and the org has stopped any other normal social life for them

Personally I wouldnt go, and I would actually say why.

rebel8

JWs ignore basic social etiquette. There are many, many examples of this, yours being another. When inviting a married woman to a social event where other couples will be, the married couple is considered a social unit and should be invited together. Granted, the "unbeliever" may well decline the invitation and the dub may attend alone, but that decision is made by the invitee, not by the host.

It is also very rude to invite someone with whom you have no social relationship (or don't even speak to) to a gift-giving party.

LongHairGal

How would you like to be in a book study where a sis. was making arrangements for her upcoming wedding and you know you were not going to be invited because they would act furtively around you? This girl didn't like me and usually avoided me like the plague. I was hep to what was going on but I didn't say anything of course.

Well, about a month before the wedding I get a tug on my arm and a coy look on the face of the mother. She tells me they have had a few cancellations and would I like to attend the wedding. I said yes.

I gave an inexpensive gift and didn't give a hoot what anybody thought.

I know I was criticized but I didn't care in view of the general attitude of the family.

Eyebrow2

I was invited to a wedding about 12 years ago. My friend from our hall was getting married several states away. He and his fiance both knew it would be difficult for me to go. However, they both told me in person that even they knew I probably wouldn't make it, that they wanted to make sure I was invited, because they really really wanted me to go. Because of that, I did every thing I could, and was able to get there. They were estatic that I was going to be able to make it. I did tell them I didn't have money for a gift though,but they didn't care. Basically, they consider my presense there the only present they wanted from me.

I had another couple I was friends with that had a HUGE 10 year anniversary party. They were married in a civil ceremony and never had a wedding or reception. They made it clear to everyone invited (which was the whole congregation plus many others) that they didn't want any presents. this was a celebration they wanted others to share in.

I know there are a lot of financial limitations on weddings...all the catering etc...so you cannot invite everyone you know of course. But I don't think any invitation to a wedding should mean you have to give a present. I really feel that you should never invite any to a wedding that you don't want there celebrating your marriage with you. I dunno, maybe this is just me being cheap. If one can afford to give a gift, then you should, but giving out invitations just so you can get more gifts is just tacky in my eyes.

PaulJ

Well my Dad is re-marrying in the 'truth' later in the year and I know Im not invited. To be honest tho, I dont want to go. He isnt interested in me and because of that Ive got no time for him either.

rebel8

Etiquette is one of my interests. I've read quite a bit about it. I became interested in it when I realized I lacked social skills and knowledge of how to act politely in society, thanks to my borg upbringing.

But I don't think any invitation to a wedding should mean you have to give a present. I really feel that you should never invite any to a wedding that you don't want there celebrating your marriage with you.

Gifts are not required by etiquette on any occassion. It's not rude not to give a gift. Failure to comply with a tradition (in this case, gift-giving) is not rude.

As to your 2nd sentence, you are right that etiquette does not require you to invite people you don't like to any social event. (That doesn't mean it won't hurt people's feelings though.) The only exception is the social unit thing I posted earlier...so if you like the wife but not her husband, a choice is made to invite both or neither.

Invatation Snubs - Anybody?

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