Not wasting your time on people

Markfromcali

Just a really simple point here, have you ever noticed maybe after a particular conversation (or series of them) that looking back, it was a total waste of time? Like no matter what effort you make you just couldn't get through to actually communicate with the person you are talking to. It may be easier to let it go for people you are not so close to, but probably a bit harder if say you have family in as JWs. But the result is the same isn't it, if they are just not hearing you.

JamesThomas

What, exactly, are you trying to say?

luna2

I dunno, Mark, sometimes a convo might seem like a waste of time, but seeds were planted that sprout later (ugh...too much of a JW analogy, sorry). I know my friend must have felt discouraged more than a few times when she was trying to open my eyes to some of the things that were bothering her about the WTS over the years and I just didn't/wouldn't see. Eventually, though, it got through my thick skull. LOL

LongHairGal

I don't know what you are getting at either.

But with regard to wasting time with people in general I will say this.
Being a dub was being surrounded by a boatload of persons who weren't really your friends but just complicated your life.

Now it is all different. I have few friends but at least I know they are my friends - as opposed to a bunch of two-faced people who were just "there". I don't care if it sounds shallow or selfish but I am at a point in my life that I do not want anything or anyone in my life who is not good for me. I will not tolerate abuse from anyone.

Siddhashunyata

Markfromcali, what you are expressing is common. Most of us are not aware that most parties are not listening. You are now aware of that fact. Why don't people listen? Because they want to be heard. Try listening and you will see exactly why they cannot hear you. Your new understanding will be more gratifying than being heard and it will mark the beginning of insight.

One way to slow yourself down from 'telling your story" is to watch your thoughts as you are relating to the person in front of you. That pause will allow them to speak and if you are listening you will see clearly how to speak to them. you may not be able to tell them "your story" because you now see the shape of their mind.

Regards

kls

It may be easier to let it go for people you are not so close to, but probably a bit harder if say you have family in as JWs. But the result is the same isn't it, if they are just not hearing you.

I have tried everything and said everything to my jw husband and get so tired of him not hearing me that i just don't anymore,really what is the use . I have told him many times that the wt has won and i give up cause as you said ,it was and is a total waste of time.

Markfromcali

I guess a nicer way of putting it would just be there's a time and place - and a person/persons for everything. With some things there's just going to be relatively few people who understand where you're coming from. Unless something changes it just doesn't make a whole lot of sense to try repeatedly.

Siddha, my question was really rhetorical, I understand what's going on. With the person I was thinking of it is the same old story. I can see the state they are coming from, I just don't care to run around and try to process information on that level because I'm not interested in relating in such a limited manner. I suppose it is only confusing if all you understand is stories. In this case it is essentially counsel out of ignorance, sophmoric psychoanalysis when I'm trying to point to something beyond that. (by the way, it is nobody on this board) In reading your response though it occurs to me that you need to be listening to even know that you were heard, otherwise you're just going to drone on and on about "your point", if you were not speaking face to face the other party could probably go get a cup of coffee or take a nap while you keep going. The other person can acknowledge your point and agree with you, but you will never know you were heard unless you are also listening.

It may seem distant, but I have no problem not communicating with someone when this is the case. I can reflect what someone says per the typical communication format, but even if they recognize you understand their reasoning that in itself does not go to any depth. Anyway, listening itself can be done with anything, they don't need me or even any person if they should decide to want to pay attention and listen at some point. And when you've gotten the point of listening (aka "meditation") it's time to get off your ass and do something.

devinsmom

Yeah, I feel that way about my ex-hubby

-April

PaulJ

Completley agree. My ex for a start. Now I try and avoid people like this, at all costs. Im quite sccessful, maybe its a sixth sense....

Not wasting your time on people

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