Disfellowshiping or ex-comunication puts great strain on family members, it has been successfully used by other religious groups Jehovah's witness's are NO exception. Any group or government that can successfully put a wedge between family members is a threat to the whole family of man.
By using such phrases or reasons as: its for their own good or its being done cause we love them, or we wakening them to their senses, are simply rationalizing their actions.
Think about this: monkeys shun at times one of their own, but the one shunned most of the time dies from it; Are we higher than monkeys in love? Humans also die if shunned or become mentally sick depressed to the point of at times taking their own life, because if one has been a Witness or other shunning group for all or most of their life who is now a support group for them? Humans need other humans this is a simple fact of life. Have any of you ever seen the movie Cast away" with Tom Hanks thats typical example.
Family and its importance
by Shane 8 Replies latest watchtower beliefs
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Shane
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Gopher
Shane,
Welcome to the board! I look forward to hearing your story and reading more from you (when you're ready to post more).
You well summarize why disfellowshipping is evil. The way it's applied by JW's now, it is not scriptural. And it is totally unnatural. It forces people to act against their best inclinations. Jesus said that if a man wouldn't listen to the congregation, treat him AS a man of the nations. JW's treat their outcast ones FAR WORSE than they would treat other outsiders. This is cruel and unnecessary.
There is no long-term help or ministry for those who need spiritual help and become weak in the congregations. Instead, such ones are cold-heartedly kicked to the curb.
Additionally, the organization smears the reputation of those who were once JW's, saying they are immoral, dishonest, apostate, and turn into the worst "worldly" people you've ever met.
Too bad, it seems this policy for controlling the people within the JW's won't ever change, any time soon.
GopherEven if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) -
Shane
I thought this was good what my brothere and I was discusing a while ago. The more people that become aware of what this cult organization is doing to the most sacred and fundamental institution, FAMILY. Perhaps it will keep the innocent from getting traped, and have there family destroyed. It HAS BEEN 22 YEARS FOR ME. AND SISTERS, AND SCORES OF RELATIVES HAVE SHUNNED ME. MOST NOT KNOWING ANYTHING ABOUT MY TRUMPED UP CHARGES. ALL BECAUSE THEY ARE TOLD TO, BY THE CULTS MASTERS. There needs to be a cry! WORLD WIDE, to let the world know how damaging this group is to
the scared family unit. ALL THOSE THAT HAVE BEEN SHUNNED LET THE WORLD KNOW WHAT THIS GROUP WILL DO TO THERE FAMILIES [why protect the family from pedophiles or the blood issue which is very important. If the family it self is replaced with blind LOYALTY.] I cannot think of any rational argument to
be given by JW"S to justify this cruel action. Other than control of the
people. THEY DON'T BELIEVE IN HELL. SO SHUNNING IS BEST TOOL TO THREATEN THERE MEMBERS IN SUBMISSION.I can't agree more, my brother. God is the original maker of the family unit, if he hates a divorceing" reasoning dictates he would also hate this practice too.
~Shane -
Gopher
Shane,
You are right. There is a blind loyalty to the "organization" over the family, and that can cause great heartbreak. We were taught that the family IS less important than the organization, and that the JW's would be our 'everlasting' family in an upcoming paradise.
These ideas allow the organization and its elders to exercise unreasonable control over families. Disfellowshipping always consigns families to breakdown. (Good point Shane, God hates a divorcing so he would hate this shunning practice too.) How often the disfellowshipped ones are treated as dead by their JW family and relatives! How little human concern they show!
And here's the other thing. The Society's own "Family" books explain how important a SPIRITUAL bond is between husband and wife, that without it the marriage cannot thrive. But let's say the husband is disfellowshipped. Guess what, he is prohibited from SPIRITUAL contact with his wife and baptized children. This (using the Family book's own reasoning) will doom the marriage. What kind of a marriage is it when you can only talk about life's necessities and the weather, but not about what really matters?
So the disfellowshipping arrangement dooms marriages into which it is introduced.
GopherEven if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) -
California Sunshine
Dear Shane,
As someone who has also seen their family distroyed by the cruel practice of shunning by the JWs I just wanted to make a few comments.We as humans have the power of reasoning and are able to make decisions for ourselves. I realize the cult has great power over the ones in their control but that DOES NOT relieve these people of the responsibilty for what they personally decide to do. If the Elders (Kingdom Hall Kangeroo Court) decide to dsfp someone (and it seams they can for any reason including "conduct unbecoming" (what a joke) they are each personally responsible for the damage they do.
The point I am getting to IS....We are each responsible for what we do. I hold every person involved with the tragedy in my family personally responsible! Right down to the lowly little JW who only went to their services at the kingdom hall. The excuse used by the members of my family who are JWs was that they were doing as God directed them (what a cop out).
I feel for you Shane. It's very hard to give up members of your family. I know because I've been there.
minds are like parachutes--they only function when open.
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stephenw20
Shane,
The family is certainly the core of where we came from here on earth, to be cut off or even voluntarily leave , we need to substitute other tribal influences to remain healthy.
I dont see this always as a negative , as it can expand the ~who~ of what we are. If we develop our own sense of being that does not jive with any tribe(family or group) we belong to , we generally move on to another , but it is generally a higher form of existence, complete with its own reward system .We can also influence other members of our families or tribes by our dedication to integrity and sticking to our beliefs with our own energies.
The main thing is that regardless of the pain we may experience, its not meant to harm us, just help us learn , its there for the learning of our spirit to test the qualities that may not be open to a divine being.
It would be a wonderful world if we had happy families and all accepted us for who we are and what we believe, but irregardless. we should consider our own retort back to them.The history of man shows that families have not always been the complete unit of love.
They have a choice and so de we.
S
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Andee
Hi Shane,
Another point I would like bring up.
It's just how many people stay IN the Org in order not to lose their families. I know of some family members that do this. There is also a heavy burden in leading a double life. The emotional stress of living like that is enormous. Going along with the "party line" when amongst JWs, yet, in private, being disgusted by it all. Going for years like that, day in and day out. Granted, it is a choice, but that someone would be placed in a position to choose between the two is appalling.
I also agree with California Sunshine. Even though they are intellectually and emotionally held hostage by the JW's, we still must hold them responsible for their actions (shunning). There is a big stalemate in my extended family over this. After 20 years of shunning, suddenly, my JW relatives want contact again. However, us "worldlys" want an apology. Most just can't do it. It's the ole "Jehovah made me do it" excuse.
Stephenw20,
I appreciate you attempting to get people to look beyond the hurt and pain they feel in their heart and, perhaps, elevate their thinking to a higher level. That even when we are in the depths of emotional suffering we can be assured that we will grow and become to a better understand of what the experience means to our entire life. Hopefully, we can put it into a positive context. Yes, it is a choice.
That being said, I cannot deny the wrenching pain one feels when one is completely cut off from family after one has committed absolutely NO evil. Family that, granted, certainly wasn't perfect, but at least TALKED to each other.
Just my thougths.
Andee
"head up in the clouds with feet firmly planted in the ground"
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waiting
Such good comments on this thread. Thanks, Shane, for starting it.
Last Friday, I was told by my 16 yr. old jw nephew that his 30 yr old brother was coming to visit. His brother had been df'd when 19 (typical teenage stuff. He's married for 8yrs now with 15 mo. son).
I asked if the son was going to stay at his parents home (elder & pioneer) when they got here.My newphew said no and then lied to me. He said they would be in a hotel because they'd be bringing their pets with them (1 labradors & 1 cat.)
After flying from Connecticut to Florida to visit her family, they drove 7 hours here to visit his family. They had figured out the week before that they wouldn't be invited to dinner nor to stay there. The son called to confront/confirm this with his parents. They said they "couldn't consciencely (sp?) do this" even though they were shunning his wife and only grandson also.
their eyes (and mine previously too as a jw) - it was all the son's fault, not theirs. They were prepared to "remain firm for Jehovah". He was forcing them to act this way. Like when a man tells his wife after he beats her "It's all your fault. You made me do this to you."
The daughter in law convinced her husband to come anyway - so they drove 7 hrs (no dogs and cat as they flew down to Fla), stayed in a hotel, and ate at McDonald's.
I invited them over to my house - but backed off the full dinner route as I don't want to be df'd. But my son was there too & my husband. We ordered lots of pizza, had beer & wine and a wonderful time. Talked about the blood issue, exchanged pictures, he was go angry at his parents & grandmother. I was nervous and talked waaaaay too much, particularily after the bottle of wine.
They were in town for less than 48 hours. They hadn't seen grandson in over a year. Grandmother had never seen him. They visited for approx. 2 hrs on each day (no food, only drink offered). But, you see, it was "meeting night" - and you know that a "strong witness" will not visit with "worldly relatives" just because they happen to stop by on a meeting night. Even if they drove 14 hrs round trip to see you.
I can't express how glad I was that I wasn't a jw anymore. I was never that rigid, but I don't know if I would have gone completely against the shunning regiment. Those who go against it can really get hurt.
God, fear, paranoia, resentment & anger are running amuck within jw families!
waiting
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Shane
HI THERE I, AM, THE BROTHER OF SHANE, [MY COMMENTS ABOVE] IT HAS COME CLEAR TO ME THAT. THE BEATEN DOWN DF'D ONES NEED TO SQUEAK UP. EVEN IF UNLIKE MYSELF THEY FEEL THAT THEY WERE WRONG AND NEEDED TO BE PUNISHED. IT IS SIMPLY ABUSE AND WRONG IN EVERY WAY. IT IS AMAZING TO ME HOW MANY PEOPLE KNOW OF JW'S BUT ARE surprised TO FIND OUT HOW THEY CAN CONTROL OTHERS TO TREAT THERE OWN FAMILY MEMBERS SO TERRIBLE.
I TELL EVERYONE WHAT HAPPENS TO FAMILY AND WHAT MEMBERS ARE EXPECTED TO DO TO THERE FATHERS, MOTHERS, CHILDREN, ECT. BY THE CULT MASTERS [JW'S] IT IS TIME TO PUT THE LIGHT OF PUBLIC OPINION ON THIS ORGANIZATION AND THIS PRACTICE OF SHUNNING. WHO IN THERE RIGHT MIND WOULD WANT TO PUT THERE FAMILY IN HARMS WAY
BY STUDYING OR JOINING SUCH SICK HEARTLESS GROUP.PUT THE INFORMATION OUT EVERY CHANCE YOU CAN. LET THE WORLD KNOW AND MAYBE PUBLIC OPINION WILL SHAKE OUR OWN FAMILY'S HEADS TO REALITY AND SEE THEY ARE CONTROLLED DOWN TO BEING TOLD HOW AND WHEN TO LOVE THERE OWN. [what next a
cup of poison punch---- Jones town did happen]. the familys that continue to shun in this practice are resonsible for the damage and pain. they CANNOT HIDE BEHIND THE GROUP ANY LONGER, THIS IS ABUSE ! PURE AND SIMPLE. AND AGAINST EVERY CULTURE ON THE EARTH. MAKE THE FAMILY TURN ON EACH OTHER. YOU CAN MAKE THEN DO ANYTHING.
[worked for hitler]THANK YOU
THE TRAVELER
Shane an brother