It Hurts? I wouldn't really call it an essay but it pretty covers the different thoughts and hurts that a person goes through upon learning the truth about the truth. I use to have it on my hard drive but for some reason I can't find it. I would like to share it with a friend who is just know going through the process of learning. Thanks.
Does anyone have a copy of
by alirobbi 6 Replies latest jw friends
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Had Enough
Hello alirobbi:
Welcome to the board.
This piece was posted a couple of months ago here by Jang and is so accurately describes the feeling one has when the real truth is exposed about the religion into which we put our whole faith and trust.
"It Hurts
It Hurts to discover you were deceived - that what you thought was the "one true religion," the "path to total fredom," or "truth" was in reality a cult.
It Hurts when you learn that people you trusted implicitly - whom you were taught not to question - were "pulling the wool over your eyes" albeit unwittingly.
It Hurts when you learn that those you were taught were your "enemies" were telling the truth after all - but you had been told they were liars, deceivers, repressive, satanic etc and not to listen to them.
It Hurts when you know your faith in God hasn't changed - only your trust in an organization - yet you are accused of apostasy,being a trouble maker, a "Judas". It hurts even more when it is your family and friends making these accusations.
It Hurts to realize their love and acceptance was conditional on you remaining a member of good standing. This cuts so deeply you try and suppress it. All you want to do is forget - but how can you forget your family and friends?
It Hurts to see the looks of hatred coming from the faces of those you love - to hear the deafening silence when you try and talk to them. It cuts deeply when you try and give your child a hug and they stand like a statue, pretending you aren't there. It stabs like a knife when you know your spouse looks upon you as demonised and teaches your children to hate you.
It Hurts to know you must start all over again. You feel you have wasted so much time. You feel betrayed, disillusioned,suspicious of everyone including family, friends and other former members.
It Hurts when you find yourself feeling guilty or ashamed of that you were - even about leaving them. You feel depressed, confused, lonely. You find it difficult to make decisions. You don't know what to do with yourself because you have so much time on your hands now - yet you still feel guilty for spending time on recreation.
It Hurts when you feel as though you have lost touch with reality. You feel as though you are "floating" and wonder if you really are better off and long for the security you had in the organization and yet you know you cannot go back.
It Hurts when you feel you are all alone - that no one seems to understand what you are feeling. It hurts when you realize your self confidence and self worth are almost non-existent.
It Hurts when you have to front up to friends and family to hear their "I told you so" whether that statement is verbal or not. It makes you feel even more stupid than you already do - your confidence and self worth plummet even further.
It Hurts when you realize you gave up everything for the cult -your education, career, finances, time and energy - and now have to seek employment or restart your education. How do you explain all those missing years?
It Hurts because you know that even though you were deceived, you are responsible for being taken in. All that wasted time ... at least that is what it seems to you - wasted time.
The Pain Of Grief
Leaving a cult is like experiencing the death of a close relative or a broken relationship. The feeling is often described as like having been betrayed by someone with whom you were in love. You feel you were simply used.
There is a grieving process to pass through. Whereas most people understand that a person must grieve after a death etc, they find it difficult to understand the same applies in this situation. There is no instant cure for the grief, confusion and pain. Like all grieving periods, time is the healer.
Some feel guilty, or wrong about this grief. They shouldn't - It IS normal. It is NOT wrong to feel confused, uncertain, disillusioned, guilty, angry, untrusting - these are all part of the process. In time the negative feelings will be replaced with clear thinking, joy, peace, and trust.
Yes - It hurts
but the hurts will heal with time, patience & understanding.
There is life after the cult.Copyright 1985, 1995 Jan Groenveld
May be freely reproduced as long as all text remains intact."
I hope this helps your friend and others. We've all been there and it does get better.
Had Enough
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alirobbi
That's it! I had it a couple of years ago and somehow lost it. I really appreciate you taking the time to dig it up for me. I know it will help my friend a lot.
and thanks for the welcome! I have been reading the board for sometime now, just finally got up the nerve to post.
robbi
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Had Enough
You're welcome robbi:
When I first read that piece, it hit home so hard as I felt it all too. Here is a copy of my answer to Jan's:
"Yes I too have felt every single one of the things in your list!
I've expressed in several of my posts already how painful it is to find out you have believed a lie for so many years, been duped.I've been a JW all my life, my children are grown and I'm now a grandmother. I only just started learning the "real truth" last year.
When this happens, one certainly does feel:
hurt - that I've been betrayed, lied to for so, so many years.
crushed - that my whole foundation has crumbled..the "truth" is all I have ever known
confused - can I trust myself to be able to decifer what is truth now
lost - the rest of my family is still deeply entrenched
guilty - am I doing the right thing...is my mind playing tricks on me..am I even able to reason on my own without an index in front of me
angry - the better part of my life was spent missing out on things that now I see were not "evil"At least the good thing that is happening now is that the burden I carried around on my shoulders, of never feeling good enough, never meeting quotas, standards, feeling guilty over not experiencing the joy I was supposed to feel....all these things are gone and my shoulders don't feel so weighed down now. And I truly am enjoying learning so many new things.
But like so many others, I still have the pain of knowing family is still closed-minded to anything that tarnishes their shiny WTS, and I still have the burden of their disapproval for my inactivity."
I too read only for quite awhile before getting up the nerve to post and once I did, I received such encouragement and support....just what I needed to start healing.
Now I'm soaking up all the info I can about the WTS and their past misdeeds. I'm hoping to see many more be able to remove their blinders about the org and face up to reality.
Had Enough
"Never doubt that a small group of citizens can change the world.
Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has."...Margaret Mead -
RedhorseWoman
Hey, lady!! About time you started posting here! *****HUGS****
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alirobbi
Hi Had Enough,
I have never been a JW but I love someone that is. She's no longer active but she isn't ready to let go of all her friends yet. I think she is hoping that if she just quietly stops going to meetings her real friends will keep in touch. So far they are.
I remember when i first read "It Hurts" 3 yrs ago, it helped me to really understand understand what she is going through. Well I will never fully understand, but it did help me get alot more of her struggles.
She has been IA for close to 4 yrs now, but still stuggles with the guilt and grieves although she I will say she has come a long ways. Slowly I see her starting to enjoy herself more and there are alot more smiles on her face so the good days out weigh the bad.
Recently I was contacted by a friend of my mother's who has a family member who is a JW and is struggling with some big issues. She asked me if I could help out in any way. I am corresponding with him by email right now and hope to encourage him to visit this and another board. I think he will eventually. Right now he is just starting to read a few sites like Freeminds and I wanted to send "It Hurts" Thanks so much for finding it for me.
I am so happy to hear that you are getting along well. I know it's hard and it takes alot of courage to face the issues you must face. Again thanks for sharing and for the welcome!
robbi
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alirobbi
((((RHW))))))
HAve missed you! I was going to call you this weekend but after paying some bills decided I better not. I know you know what I mean.
Have people coming to look at the house today so send vibes. If it sells soon, I will give you a call. Zedd said to tell you Hi the next time I talked to you so "HI" from Zedd.
**more hugs**
Love,
robbi