My mother and my son

funes

Hello All,

I was disfellowshipped when I was 16, it really isn't clear because I stopped going to meetings, left home, etc. I was 28 before I truly stopped believing and have grown to love every day of life I've had the privilege to live.

My Mother was a missionary, my brother lives at one of the farms, one of my sisters is a special pioneer overseas and my other sister is a special pioneer in the states.

Here's the problem. My little boy is now 18 months old and his grandmother loves him dearly. She has visited twice, even staying with us for a week each time. However after the last visit it appears that my siblings gathered together and discussed things with her. She visited in January and only now, in June, did she even mention that something happened. She still won't tell me the entire story because she can't stop sobbing.

I spent tonight searching the forums for reinstatement stories - it doesn't look that great. If I tried the reinstatement and fade away route they could always stress that I was inactive. However, my Mother has mentioned reinstatment before, and I think it could be enough dogmatic cover for her visits to be deemed acceptable. It would at least give her enough to argue that her actions weren't damaging another's conscience.

Does anyone have any insight into this procedure? Is it true that the original elders have to be contacted? Could I do this at a distant congregation from my current home, to ease the eventual fade? I live thousands of miles away from the original congregation and would probably go to a spanish congregation to try to separate things even further.

Honestly, I detest this route. But I dearly love my Mother, and she has truly been simply loving, when she visits, calls us - she is simply a grandmother with her grandson - no witnessing, no interference, nothing.

She's in her sixties and none of my other siblings are having children (they're waiting for this world to end) and everyday that passes is another day she will never have again.

I am curious about a second route. I was baptized when I was 15 and left when I was 16. Does anyone know of a way to overturn or appeal a disfellowshipping? a baptism? Things are so hazy in my memory from that period in my life, is there a procedure for requesting your disfellowshipping file? Any ideas?

jaffacake

Hello & welcome,

There are people better qualified than me to amswer your specific questions about procedure. Have you considered telling your mother the truth about the organisatio. There is so much proof these days, the only way JWs can believe in their organisation is if they are prevented from seeing information.

Dragonlady76

Getting reinstated is never enough dear, they will always want details on your life, how are the meetings, how many hours of field service are you putting in?....etc. The best thing to do IMO is for you to explain to your mom that being a witness is not for you and ask that she still visit her grandson, telling her that he is a child and is innocent and should be treated as such. I personally know people whom have gotten reinstated for family reasons and it is never enough! and leads to more heartache.

MerryMagdalene

Hello, funes ~ welcome~

I empathise with you! I am my faithful JW mother's only biological child and my child is thus her only biological grandchild. (My mother is also in her 60s.)

I have been disfellowshipped for about a decade and my daughter is only 4 but much loved by her Grammy who has made a lot of allowances and had to stretch her WTS-given conscience in order to be able to see her (if it were up to her God-given conscience there wouldn't be a problem).

There have been times when I have thought about being reinstated for the sake of my mother (whom I love very much) but I really don't think I could pull it off. Some can and have though.

Plus, I would worry that doing so might have a negative impact on my little one...I think it could potentially open up a whole world of hurt and confusion for her and I don't want to do that.

~Merry

tijkmo

hi funes

as far as the technical aspect...u can go to any cong u please

because you are thousands of miles away from cong that df-ed you..then you will be dealt with by the local elders

they will set up a commitee and you will go speak to them and they will then make a reccomendation to the original cong who will rubberstamp it

highly unlikely that your original commitee will still be serving elders or in the same cong so a commitee will be set up in your old cong purely for the object of authorising the decision

its always easier to get reinstated in a different cong cos no one has any axe to grind

(but its still probably easier just to go unknown somewhere and have a study for a few months and then get baptized at the next assembly)

so welcome

IT Support

Welcome, funes.

Is it true that the original elders have to be contacted?

Yes. As I recall, the usual procedure is that only the judicial committee that d/f you, can reinstate you. (Unless there are unusual circumstances, like the cong has been dissolved, etc.)

Could I do this at a distant congregation from my current home, to ease the eventual fade?

Yes. You would go to your local cong and tell them you were d/f at [xxx] cong and now want to be reinstated. Be very humble--ok, grovelling--and ask them what you need to do. They will tell you to have a 'Bible' study and start attending every meeting, and will also contact the original cong to let them know. After they deem sufficient time has passed, they will write a report to the original cong telling them what you are doing and that they now recommend your reinstatement. The original jc will decide whether or not to allow you to return.

I was baptized when I was 15 and left when I was 16. Does anyone know of a way to overturn or appeal a disfellowshipping? a baptism?

No way now to appeal your d/f. But it might be worthwhile reasoning with your mother that you wren't really baptized. You could remind her that the WT says your baptism is the most important day of your life and is far more serious even that marriage. Yet even WT counsels youths not to get married too early, and definitely not at 15 when a teenager has no real idea of what he is doing.

Things are so hazy in my memory from that period in my life, is there a procedure for requesting your disfellowshipping file? Any ideas?

You coulod try writing to Brooklyn and your original cong. (I've no idea whether they'd even bother replying.) But if you're trying to fade, it might not be too good an idea to give them your home address.

funes

After a night's sleep and reading even more posts it's clear that reinstatement is the wrong path.

Jaffacake, In my mother's case JW is so deeply intertwined with her identity I doubt she could take the psychological stress (baptized at 12, my dad died when we denied transfusion, etc.). I will just have to let her make her own choices and be ready to help in any way.

Thanks to all of you for your support

(sorry about the double post, first time posting error)

PS. I do think I'll write Brooklyn however, anyone know what department to write?

jeanniebeanz

Hi, funes.

I don't know why the siblings have their undies in a bunch over your mom's visits. It is her duty to see to the well-being of her grandchild and has *nothing* to do with you. Of course, sometimes older ladies have a hard time standing up to their grown children. I feel for her, but at the same time, I ended up cutting my mother off from my children since the possibility of them growing up and wanting to follow her into her strange religion scared the crap out of me.

The thought of being abandoned by my own children because their thinking got warped by their feelings for their grandmother was just too much. I walked away completely. I answer no communication from them, and they quit trying after a while...

Tough decision, I know.

J

My mother and my son

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