ok so i had my first breakup a couple of months ago--pretty serious--first bf-(well first everything)-and we last for a year. now what is the "proper" grieving time? and tell me why everyone must make sure you know what your ex is doing and whats going on with them? are people totally clueless? sorry venting..
first breakup
by susu812 6 Replies latest social relationships
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rebel8
By grieving time, do you mean how long are you allowed to feel sad and not want to date anyone else? I guess that's pretty subjective.....all depends on the individual. To give you an idea, I would estimate a few months. I hate to say it but sometimes dating helps the healing process, sorta getting back on the horse so to speak. Rebound dating is not all bad.
and tell me why everyone must make sure you know what your ex is doing and whats going on with them?
I think you should say something just like that when they do it. "Why do you feel a need to keep me apprised of ##'s every movement? You are aware I'd rather not talk about him." Then use the broken record technique until they knock it off.
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georgefoster
I've heard the grieving time is equivalent to half of the length of the relationship. For me, after a 9 month relationship, I had a sick feeling in my gut every night for a couple of weeks; then it took a year before it completely went away. In fact, I've never recovered and the pain from that first one has affected every relationship since.
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susu812
gawd that really bites. unfortunately for me he got his rebound a month after we broke up so i am sure he is fine it just sucks-i hate being a girl and being sensitive grrrr. reminds me of why i waited so long to even get involved with someone. kinda makes you feel like its not even worth it
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Elsewhere
All I can say is: You will know when you are ready. Don't gauge yourself against the time-frame your ex uses, or anyone else.
I'm also a very feeling person, so I know it takes a lot longer for people like us to get over such things.
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sass_my_frass
Sorry Susu! No it's a very subjective thing, but give yourself as much time as you need.
My first (of a year and a half)? After a year I only cried every few days. I thought for a while that you only fully get over it when you move on to somebody else, but now I know that there will always be a little scar that bleeds when I scratch it. Just a little one!
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doofdaddy
Time is a great healer. I look back in fondness on my past loves, despite some very painfull stuff going on then. You never forget but I have learned to understand and forgive. Lifes too short.
Plus, it's good to review our own behaviour, so we don't repeat the same mistakes in choice of partner and actions. Go have some fun!!