a C.O.s talk?

by NikL 5 Replies latest jw friends

  • NikL
    NikL

    Despite repeated warnings about using the net to distribute "spiritual food" I still get quite a lot of e mail passing on wonderful thoughts from the org.
    Take the following e mail for example...

    In April we had our circuit overseers last visit and he gave some wonderful talks and I thought I would type one up for you. I think you'll really enjoy it. I don't remember the name of it but here goes.

    Do you like to go on trips? Well, most of us do don't we? This evening we're going to take an imaginary train ride. And we are going to go on a very breathtaking train ride, in fact we are going to go through some of the highest mountains that exist. And one thing about this train ride, is that this is a trip that you’ve taken many times before. And you especially enjoy the part where the train goes over one of the highest passes because the panoramic view is just breathtaking. But your favorite part of the trip is when the train goes over what is called Mile High Trestle Bridge. Now having been on this trip before you notice something.

    Normally when the train approaches the Mile High Trestle Bridge it slows to just a crawl.

    But for some reason this time the train is actually speeding up and you are a little bit concerned and just about that time the conductor comes walking through and you ask him "Is there something wrong?" And he says, "Well, yes as a matter of fact there is. You see the brakes have gone completely out on the train and in addition to that the engineer has gone completely mad. (Bro. Moore Said this in a very calm voice which made it even more funny) He has stuck the throttle on full speed ahead and he has locked himself in the engineers compartment." And you are thinking: What could be worse than that? And then he says, "And besides that, there is a rail out on the bridge." But he adds, "Don't worry, because there is plenty of free food and drink in the club car for all."(lots of laughter) Now if you can imagine the irony of that scene, you can begin to imagine this world as it is under the god of chaos, Satan the Devil.

    Yes Satan's system of things is like a train that is out of control and it is running for disaster. And as in our illustration Satan does everything that he possibly can to try to divert our attention away from how bad things really are in the world. Now one thing that Satan does to do is this, something that's called gradualism. Have you ever heard that word before? Gradualism. What is gradualism? It means that Satan gradually makes things that are very bad seem as if they aren't bad at all anymore, things that were really disgusting, things that people considered to be obscene twenty years ago, today are considered alright by most people that are living on the earth. To illustrate how gradualism works; there was a secretary that wanted to play a little trick on her boss. Now her boss had a big fancy desk and one of these big fancy chairs for the desk. It was ergonomically prepared so that you could turn the chair. If you turned it to the left it would lower it so that you could be just at the right height to the desk or you could turn it to the right and you could raise it up some. And as a trick she would come into work before the boss got there every day and she would turn that chair one turn down. Now by the end of the month the boss was sitting at the desk like this,(with his knees up to his chest) and he didn't really realize what had happened because it had happened so gradually. Well that's what gradualism does.

    And that is what Satan has done with many bad things that are in existence in the world today. For example: Those of you who remember the infancy of television, you certainly can tell how television has changed over the years can't you? And even you young ones as you think about some of the sitcoms that are old like the Mary Tyler Moore show or the Dick Van Dyke Show, there's such a difference between the comedy that was in existence then and the comedy that is presented on the sitcoms today. Back then they were very careful about displaying morality. Today they are very careful about displaying immorality in that there has to be immorality in the show or people won't watch it. Or even think about how Disney has changed over the years. There was a time when, if it was a Disney movie we all thought, now that's going to be family entertainment that we all can enjoy. But nowadays that's not necessarily so, is it? Today a Disney movie can depict spiritism, young people being held up as much more intelligent than their parents are and making fun of their parents and often times it can even have words in it that we as Christians would use as a part of our speech. As an example of how things have changed even in terminology, remember what used to be considered modesty? What do they call modesty today? Well today they would call modesty a sex hang-up.

    Or how about discipline? Now they call that: unhealthy repression of a child.

    Or disgusting, when it comes to entertainment what do they call that today? They call it adult entertainment.

    Moral irreprehensibility is now called being freed up.

    Chastity. What do they call that today? A neurotic inhibition.

    Self-indulgence they now call self-fulfillment.

    Living in sin, what is that called? A meaningful relationship.

    Perversion today is called an alternate lifestyle.

    Depravity is now called creative self-expression or art.

    And what do they call killing a little unborn baby? They call it choice.

    Do you see how slowly through gradualism, Satan has caused bad things to seem not so bad to people? Have we been affected as Jehovah's people or are we still aware of how depraved this old system of things is? For example when it comes to shocking violence, maybe when we happen to see it in a newscast or on some T.V. program, does it still shock us?

    Or have we become numb to the violence that goes on in the world around us? A number of years ago there was a family that decided that as they raised their children, they weren't going to have a television in the house. Now we're not saying that you can't have a television, you certainly can, Susan and I have a t.v. But this family decided that while they raised their family they weren't going to have a t.v. And I still remember as we went to visit another family, that family had been invited too and all of the kids were in the living room watching television including their little daughter who was 6 or 7 years old. And after a little while their daughter came running into the kitchen and she was crying and do you know why? She had just seen someone murdered on t.v. (pause)

    Now when we think about that we might say, "So what!! We see 10, 11, 12, 13, people murdered on TV every night and it doesn't bother us. Why would it bother her?" Because she had never seen someone murdered before. Do you see how Satan through gradualism has even made things that are so disgusting to Jehovah as murder seem like simple entertainment to us today? He has done that through gradualism. Or how about sexual immorality as it's illustrated in entertainment and music, in TV. programs, on the internet, in books. Do we still have a good sense of how wrong it is in Jehovah's eyes? Or has the climate of moral filth caused us to view it simply as entertainment like the rest of the world views it?

    Really if we get caught up in these things that Satan has out there, it can turn out to be like a whirlpool that can suck us in, like a cesspool that can make us dirty and take our clean relationship away from Jehovah. Now, with all of this going on what is it that we need in order to successfully resist the immoral influence of Satan's world? Well, we need something that is described in the Bible book of Titus. I'd like to invite you to open your Bibles to Titus chapter 2 and let's see if we can pick out from this scripture what it is that we really need. Titus 2:11,12 There is a number of good things mentioned here but we are going to focus on one of them. There it says: "For the undeserved kindness of God which brings salvation to all sorts of men has been manifested, instructing us to repudiate (reject as worthless) ungodliness and worldly desires and to live with soundness of mind and righteousness and godly devotion amid this present system of things."

    Did you notice there the phrase "soundness of mind"? That's something that each of us as Jehovah's Witnesses NEED in order to battle against what Satan has out there in the world today. But just what is soundness of mind? How do we get soundness of mind? Once we get it ,how do we KEEP soundness of mind? How can we cultivate it and how can we display it in our lives? Well lets examine what living with soundness of mind involves for us as one of Jehovah's Witnesses. Being sound in mind means more than just being sane. In fact being sound in mind is more than just having a good mental capacity or a high IQ. In fact there are many people that are very intelligent or have a very high IQ that are NOT sound in mind. So being sound in mind is more than just having mental stability. Let me give you an example: A number of years ago when we were living in a downstairs basement apartment in the Chipewa Falls area(in Wisconsin), the landlady that we rented from who lived upstairs was a straight A college student. She was a very intelligent young woman. Sound in mind? Well, she had two sheep dogs. Now you know what a sheepdog is, they stand about that high and they have hair all over and they can't hardly see because of hair in their face and every night before she would go to bed, she would turn the sheep dogs out on the neighborhood and you know what they would do? They would run through the neighborhood, tip over the garbage cans, crawl in the garbage cans as far as they could and eat the garbage. And then before she would go to sleep she would call the dogs back and they would come back inside the house.

    And do you know where they slept? They slept in bed with our landlady.

    This is a straight A college student!!! Sound in mind? (laughter)

    Something wasn't quite right!!! (an understatement) Now here was the clincher: That's what she did at night. Do you know what she did in the morning? In the morning she would wake up and go in the bathroom and turn on the bathwater. And then she'd go back to bed. Now do you remember where we lived? In the basement apartment.(more laughter) Water would pour into our apartment because she had fallen back asleep and left the water running. Something was not sound in mind in her though, was it? So, soundness of mind doesn't necessarily just mean having a high IQ.

    For Christians soundness of mind is described this way in the Bible. Basically it involves three things if we are going to be sound in mind.

    Number one: Since God created the mind and the brain, he would know under what standards it works the best. So the first thing that s.o.m. involves is becoming acquainted with God's will as Jehovah God has revealed it. Coming to know his standards of what's right and what's wrong.

    The second thing: It would also involve accepting God's principles and judgements as true. So, it's not just a knowledge of Jehovah's standards and principles but we would have to come to believe that they really are best for us.

    Number three: Obediently reflecting God's thinking, standards and principles in our lives. Being balanced. Not just knowing God's standards and accepting them but actually doing something about them. Making needed changes in our lives to live up to them. Now if we reflect God's thinking, we will be balanced. Well how do we know that?

    Did you ever bite off more than you could chew? Maybe it was a project that was too big for you, or maybe you wound up in more debt than you could handle? Or maybe you are one that wound up with more children than you thought was possible for anybody. (laugh) What about Jehovah God?

    Now we know that He has created a whole universe filled with billions of galaxies and billions of intelligent children. Has He bitten off more than he can chew so to speak? Or even with the things he's created, some of them of which has gone against his purpose, rebelled against him, is he still in control, is he still able to handle things? Well, yes He IS!!

    Jehovah is a perfect example of staying balanced, of someone who is sound in mind. Now, we can see that soundness of mind is a very desirable quality to have isn't it? But it is also true that no human is born completely sound in mind. In fact to be honest each and everyone of us--we're a little bit off (another understatement) and if you don't believe me look at the person sitting next to you tonight. ( more laughter) See, each one of us--we're not quite right, we're just a little bit off when it comes to soundness of mind. So how do we develop this quality of soundness of mind? We could compare soundness of mind to knowing exactly what the right time is.

    Now let's say that you have a watch, a very good watch. But after you have this watch for a while, you notice that it looses 5 minutes each hour. But you think you have this licked because you have another watch and you like the way this other watch looks good too but after you have it for a while you notice that this watch GAINS 6 minutes every hour. Now how could you ever know what the right time is ? What you could do, is you could look at both of your watches and add the difference in time together and divide the difference by two and subtract 30 seconds. And then you could count up how many hours its been since you last set both watches and add 30 seconds for each hour and you'd have the correct time.(laugh, laugh)

    But wouldn't it be much simpler just to get a watch that works? Well of course it would and that's what we want to do. We want to have a watch that actually works properly. Now each one of us here tonight, we're a little bit to fast or a little bit too slow. We might be a little bit too weak in our consciences or a little bit too strong when it comes to our emotions or mental capacity and even our physical abilities. So, what would be the best way to find out what the right thing to do would be? Would it be to check with another imperfect human? Not really.

    That would be like setting one watch that doesn't work to another watch that doesn't work. What we need to do is to check things with a perfect timepiece. And what is that for worshipers of Jehovah? It's God's word the Bible isn't it? And so by checking with what God's Word says, we can keep our watches or our theocratic timepieces set properly. Now this evening we want to discuss some specific areas in which soundness of mind is vital. And that will give us an opportunity for some self-examination.

    Now, notice I said "self-examination " because all of us need to live with soundness of mind don't we? This evening we are going to take a look at some of our younger brothers in the congregation. We're going to see as young brothers, what you can do to prove to be sound in mind.

    And we are also going to take a close look at our sisters in the congregation this evening. As sisters what can you do to prove to be sound in mind?

    And we're going to take a look at our family heads. As family heads in the cong. what can you do to prove to be sound in mind? And even our congregation elders, we want to take a look at and see what elders can do to prove to be sound in mind.

    Well now, the first group that we want to talk to are the elders in the congregation. Open your Bibles to 1Timothy 3. Here we find some of the qualifications for an elder. Notice what it says starting in verse 2 about overseers. It says: " the overseer should therefore be irreprehensible, a husband of one wife, moderate in habits, sound in mind, orderly, hospitable, qualified to teach, not a drunken brawler, not a smiter, but reasonable, not belligerent, not a lover of money, a man presiding over his own household in a fine manner, having children in subjection with all seriousness; (if indeed any man does not know how to preside over his own household, how will he take care of God's congregation?" You may have noticed that one of the qualifications for an elder is what? Soundness of mind isn't it? Yes, soundness of mind is a qualification for ALL elders. Why? Because as it shows in that scripture they have the responsibility to direct their family members but they also have the responsibility to direct all the congregation members. So soundness of mind is very important for an elder. We may also remember something that Jeremiah said. Remember when he talked about directing someone’s steps, what did he say? "It doesn’t belong to man to direct his own steps." (Jer. 10:23) So if that is true, how can the elders direct the steps of those in the congregation? Well, they would need to know the revealed will of JEHOVAH. They would have to understand the proper application of scriptural principles so that they can direct us according to God's perfect timepiece. And by doing that they can help us as congregation members.

    There is something else that we know about elders in order to be sound in mind. Turn to James chapter one and notice what it says in verses 19 & 20 : "Know this, my beloved brothers. Every man must be swift about hearing, slow about speaking, slow about wrath; for man's wrath does not work out God's righteousness."

    So an elder who is sound in mind would listen carefully to problems he is dealing with or cases that he is going to judge. He wouldn't make rash decisions but after he had all the facts, then he would apply what the scriptures say about that situation. So elders need to be level-headed, they wouldn't be hasty in judgement. They should be receptive to council and direction themselves. They wouldn't be double-minded or hypocritical and they wouldn't be fanatical in dealing with things. Elders that are sound in mind would be regular in their meeting attendance and in their weekly schedule for the field ministry.

    There is someone else in the congregation that has a position similar to overseers. Do you know who that is? That would be the family heads in the congregations. Now that's referring to you brothers but it may also be referring to some of you sisters who are in single-parent families where really you need to take the lead spiritually. How as family heads would we show that we are sound in mind? First of all to be sound in mind as a family head, we would have a theocratic training program for our families. That means that we would have a family Bible discussion. We would take the lead in training our children and have a regular study with them. If you are a family head you know that can be challenging (tell me about it!!) can't it. In fact it can be very challenging in not only having a regular family study but in having a family study that is interesting to your children. And because of that we'd like you to take note of this article. It’s the August 1st. 1986 Watchtower on page 28. That's an article that tells you how you can make your family study interesting.

    Here's a couple of points from that article: " Make it enjoyable. A mother who wants her child to enjoy wholesome food does not force huge quantities of it down it's throat. Rather she will prepare it tastefully and encourage him to eat small portions at a time, gradually building his taste for it." Well, that's true isn't it? Mom have you ever tried to teach your family to eat broccoli? If you have did you force huge quantities of it down their throats? Well no, you probably gave them a small portion with lots of cheese or something else on it to make it flavorful. And then over time they developed a liking for broccoli.

    Well, something similar is needed for spiritual food. Whether you are starting a study program for the first time or you want to do something about your program already established, because your child is getting BORED. The requirement is the same: Try to make the program interesting!!! HOW? Well, with young children, you don't have to stick with a formal question and answer program. You also do not have to make the study last a whole hour. Adapt the study to your child, tell him stories about Bible characters, let him draw pictures of Bible scenes, let them act out Bible events and dramas, give them theocratic homework to prepare, make it lively and varied. You want your children to form a longing for the Word of God so make it as tasty as you can!!! One brother who served at Bethel and now serves as an elder in a congregation, reflected on the years that they had a family study. He grew up with a number of brothers and sisters in his family and what his dad would do to make the fam. st. interesting is they would keep a fish bowl in the middle of the table. Now there were no fish in it and no water. It was just a fish bowl. But during the week the family could write down on a piece of paper anything they had a question on, a problem they had at school, a situation they had to deal with or just a question they had about the truth and then they would put those slips of paper in the fish bowl. And then when it came to fam. st. time, as part of the st. they would draw out one or two slips of paper and answer those questions.(cool idea) That kept the study interesting, didn't it and it kept it pertinent to what the family was experiencing. And Dad would put a slip of paper in the fish bowl too each week, and on his slip of paper it said trip to dairy queen. Now if anyone pulled out that slip of paper guess what the family did after their study? Well they went to DQ and that was healthy for the family too wasn't it? So, what can you do to make your f.s. interesting? If you follow some of these suggestions, no doubt it will improve.

    Now we mentioned that we also wanted to talk to our sisters as to what you can do to prove that you are sound in mind. In the Bible book of Proverbs, turn there, the 31st chapter, it talks about our sisters there that are sound in mind. Prov.31: starting with verse 10. Here it's talking about a sister who is a wife. It says: "A capable wife who can find? Her value is far more than that of corals."

    Now look at verse 30&31: "Charm may be false and prettiness may be vain; but the woman that fears Jehovah is the one that procures praise for herself. Give her of the fruitage of her hands, and let her works praise her even in the gates." Now as sisters if we're sound in mind certainly that is what we would want to be doing. In fact, part of what it says there is that it's not the outward adornment that makes a sister beautiful as much as it is the inward personality of a sister. In 1 Timothy 2, it talks a little bit more about this. Lets turn there, 1Timothy 2:9,10. Here Paul is talking about our sisters. Notice what he says in verse 9: "Likewise I desire the women to adorn themselves in well-arranged dress, with modesty and soundness of mind, not with styles of hair braiding and gold or pearls or very expensive garb, but in the way that befits women professing to reverence God, namely through good works." Now, when you think about women in the world and you compare them to what Paul was talking about here, What a sharp contrast he was making. Even today this scripture is very accurate isn't it? Really women in the world today deck themselves with all sorts of gold and silver and they try to make themselves attractive by being immodest. But that is just the opposite of what a sister who is sound in mind would do.

    When you go to the mall these days and see some worldly women walking through the mall their ears are laden down like they have the "mother lode" on don't they from some gold or silver mine. You wonder how their ears can even stand up to what they are being put through and of course they have gold in lots of other places too but again that's not what would make a Christian sister one that would be precious in Jehovah's eyes. So if we are sound in mind really it's not an issue as to whether a certain style is extremely fashionable but whether it's appropriate for one professing to be a minister of God. And so modesty; when it comes to the slits in our dresses or skirts, when it comes to our necklines, very important in showing whether a sister is sound in mind or not. By the way does anyone know who's responsible for the length of the slit in a sister's dress or skirt or the neckline or the way she adorns herself, do you know who's responsible? The head of the family is. So really you brothers are responsible for the way that your wife dresses. And so if she's immodest that reflects on you as a man. Really, before you come to the congregation meetings do you check out your daughter, do you check out your wife to make sure she is modest? That's soundness of mind on your part as the head of the family.

    Now, another group that we want to talk about are the young brothers in the congregation. As young men how can you prove to be sound in mind? Well, a young man who is sound in mind first of all would be reaching out to be used by Jehovah and by Jehovah's organization. You would be working to qualify to be used by Jehovah. There's a lot of young men in the congregation that would like to do that and we want to warmly commend you, perhaps you are one that would like the privilege of handling microphones in the cong. or working behind the literature counter or reaching out to be a ministerial servant or an elder or maybe your goal someday is to be at Bethel or in Gilead or in the circuit work or in the district work. Those should be goals that you have. But how do you qualify for any of those privileges? Well there are some basic things that you can do to qualify. One is to make sure that you have a regular share every week in the field ministry. That's one of the things that Jehovah's organization is looking for. Remember that the faithful and discreet slave class were given the assignment to preach the good news of the Kingdom; that's still the most important assignment that we have. So that's what we look for in young men. Do you have a regular weekly share in the field ministry. Also do you set a good example by being at all the cong. meetings? That's another very important thing. In fact when we sit down and discuss each brother in qualifying for a ministerial servant those are two of the major things that we look at. Are we out in the ministry regularly each weekend are we regular at all the congregation meetings? Then our spirituality too; do we study , do we comment at the meetings? Those are the basic things that the brothers are lookin for in order to use you in the cong. . So a young man who is sound in mind would have those goals. There is something else that can show whether we are sound in mind or not. Turn to Colossians chapter 4 and notice what it says in verse 5: "Go on walking in wisdom toward those on the outside, buying out the opportune time for yourselves." Well what does it mean to walk with wisdom toward those on the outside? That means that we would be careful of our association. We would avoid association with the world and worldly kids to the extent that's possible. Remember 1 Cor. 15:33? What does that say there? How bad association can spoil our useful habits? Who are our best friends? Are they in Jehovah's organization?

    Too, as a young man your choice in entertainment will reflect on your soundness of mind. What kind of movies do you watch, what kind of music do you like to listen to? Is your entertainment wholesome and upbuilding? Well, I think we can see brothers and sisters that it is desirable for all of us to show soundness of mind, isn't it. Don't let this world squeeze you into its own mold. Instead prove that you are following the example of Jesus Christ.

    This world is out of control like that train that we talked about. This world is headed for disaster. But we don't have to be a part of this old system of things when it's destroyed.

  • Mommie Dark
    Mommie Dark

    You really should put a warning disclaimer on posts that contain only vomitous garbage content.

    Now, brothers, get busy measuring those skirt slits and checking those hemlines. It's soooo important to appear to be modest when trawling for suckers!

    And cancel those train reservations... gee think this guy has ridden Amtrak recently?

    Gagging on the stench of this spiritual diarrhea,
    MD

  • dedalus
    dedalus
    Do you like to go on trips? Well, most of us do don't we? This evening we're going to take an imaginary train ride ...

    There are books for toddlers written more intelligently than this. [8>]

    Dedalus

  • willy_think
    willy_think
    Do you like to go on trips? Well, most of us do don't we? This evening we're going to take an imaginary train ride. And we are going to go on a very breathtaking train ride, in fact we are going to go through some of the highest mountains that exist. And one thing about this train ride, is that this is a trip that you’ve taken many times before. And you especially enjoy the part where the train goes over one of the highest passes because the panoramic view is just breathtaking. But your favorite part of the trip is when the train goes over what is called Mile High Trestle Bridge. Now having been on this trip before you notice something.

    Normally when the train approaches the Mile High Trestle Bridge it slows to just a crawl.

    But for some reason this time the train is actually speeding up and you are a little bit concerned and just about that time the conductor comes walking through and you ask him "Is there something wrong?" And he says, "Well, yes as a matter of fact there is. You see the brakes have gone completely out on the train and in addition to that the engineer has gone completely mad. (Bro. Moore Said this in a very calm voice which made it even more funny) He has stuck the throttle on full speed ahead and he has locked himself in the engineers compartment." And you are thinking: What could be worse than that? And then he says, "And besides that, there is a rail out on the bridge." But he adds, "Don't worry, because there is plenty of free food and drink in the club car for all."(lots of laughter) Now if you can imagine the irony of that scene, you can begin to imagine this world as it is under the god of chaos, Satan the Devil.

    Yes Satan's system of things is like a train that is out of control and it is running for disaster. And as in our illustration Satan does everything that he possibly can to try to divert our attention away from how bad things really are in the world. Now one thing that Satan does to do is this, something that's called gradualism. Have you ever heard that word before? Gradualism. What is gradualism? It means that Satan gradually makes things that are very bad seem as if they aren't bad at all anymore, things that were really disgusting, things that people considered to be obscene twenty years ago, today are considered alright by most people that are living on the earth. To illustrate how gradualism works; there was a secretary that wanted to play a little trick on her boss. Now her boss had a big fancy desk and one of these big fancy chairs for the desk. It was ergonomically prepared so that you could turn the chair. If you turned it to the left it would lower it so that you could be just at the right height to the desk or you could turn it to the right and you could raise it up some. And as a trick she would come into work before the boss got there every day and she would turn that chair one turn down. Now by the end of the month the boss was sitting at the desk like this,(with his knees up to his chest) and he didn't really realize what had happened because it had happened so gradually. Well that's what gradualism does.

    this is very interesting. i think amyone who has been hypotized to stop smoking or recieved suggestion for somthing else might reconise the opening. it is designed to put one in a relaxed state, buy saying "This evening we're going to take an imaginary train ride." the listener is encouraged to use his/her imagination. to take this ride of the inagination is to enter a comfortable state. open to suggestion. the visual and emotional instruction are typical of this approach.

    this is a form of hyponotic suggestion.

    i would like to encourage everyone to look into this kind of suggestion. understanding what is happening to us in these situations can nullify the intended efficts.

  • blondie
    blondie

    zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
    zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
    zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
    zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
    zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
    (is it over yet?)

    Some of us gradually wake up to the facts....

    MD, I was once forced to go to the meeting although protesting I was sick. I threw up in the second row that night....must have been something I heard.

  • bboyneko
    bboyneko
    this is a form of hyponotic suggestion

    ooooooooooohhhho....bkaaaww! Bkaaawwwww!!!

    -Dan, who now thinks he is a chicken

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