I recently picked up a book that I have seen on the shelves for some time but never really paid it much attention until today. What can I say, it was on sale.
The title is, "Women Who Love Too Much" by Robin Norwood, and it is essentially aimed at getting women who bounce from bad relationships to worse to see the root causes which are responsible for their poor choices in men.
One paragraph that dealt with denial of extreme behaviors in the home (alcoholism, abuse, and abandonment) leapt out at me. It summed up my experience with witness families in their approach to issues with their faith:
"In a dysfunctional family there is always a shared denial of reality. No matter how serious the problems are, the family does not become dysfunctional unless there is denial operating. Further, should any family member attempt to break through this denial by, for instance, describing the family situation in accurate terms, the rest of the family will usually strongly resist that perception. Often ridicule will be used to bring that person back into line, or failing that, the renegade family member will be excluded from the circle of acceptance, affection, and activity."
This paragraph stunned me in its similarity to how witnesses treat those who try to point out any issues with the Society. We are ridiculed in an attempt to make us tow the line, and if that fails we are denied acceptance, affection and interaction or activity. When you look at it in this light, the entire organization is one big miserable dysfunctional family, bent on protecting the Society at all costs.
The writer goes on to say that no one using the defense mechanism of denial makes any kind of conscious decision to tune out facts. Instead, "It all just happens, as the ego in its struggle to provide protection from overwhelming conflicts, burdens, and fears, cancels out information and input that is too troublesome."
For any of us, who have tried to talk with our families on our reasons for leaving the WTBTS, this sounds very familiar.
Jeannie