Update on Mother in law problem

Es

Hey all for those who read my post on inlaws and how they dont respect me heres an update. My Fiance went around there last week to have a chat to them on how they dont respect me and how I dont feel a part of the family. And to tell them how things stand with his sister(my bridesmaid who turned up 2 hours late to engagement and drunk). Anyway there were very apologetic and said they wanted to make things better for me and so they invited my fiance and myself to lunch yesterday. Things were going really well they were chatting to me bout everyday stuff. Then bout an hour into it my fiances father brought up the subject of Sue( Fiances sister). So i started telling them how we have a bit of a problem in the past...in which his mum said that i was wrong coz Sue's not like that. So i brought up the engagement, his mum then said that Sue has not been introduced to the other bridesmaids. I replied that in actual fact she was at my sons bday. His mother reply was "I dont think so". She then accused me of doing things with my bridesmaids for the wedding and not including Sue which i havent. I then said if she was so interested in meeting the other bridal party she should have turned up to the engagement party on time and sober. I then said im a little concerned that she wont turn up to rehearsals and the wedding on time, I was then called harsh. At this time his dad pipped up and said "Oh well Sues not ready to apologise yet" And then i was told family gets over things like this and that i basically have a week to get over it as its mum in law bday and she doesnt want a rift in her prescious family. My fiance has avoided his fam up until he chatted to them last week. Ive been asking for him to go round to them and just explain how things are, but he hasnt so i got in trouble for giving them the cold shoulder too. And that my behaviour wasnt on. Sorry for it being so long just needed to vent es

luna2

I'm sorry, es. Looks like they are saying one thing to your fiance when they talk to him (we feel bad) and then change their tune when they talk to you (it's your fault). Hopefully you'll be able to get along with them enough to get through the wedding okay and then not have to have as much to do with them.

garybuss

My parents never liked my current wife. After I married her they never once in 34 years invited us to their house for a meal. After I married her, they never again invited me over for a meal. They'd invite me to come visit. My dad was the PO and mother was the acceptable elder's wife. My wife was the Witness pioneer. It's all been interesting. In my life, Witness relatives and in-laws have not scored very high on the value meter.

Mulan

Maybe you need to settle in and get used to this situation with them. It likely will not ever change. It's sad but if you accept it, you can cope better. Good luck.

vitty

You are going to have to be careful with this one. You either accept that they are like this and put a brave smile on things, grit your teeth and make the best of it, seeing them as little as possible. Or say how you feel, dont except the situation and maybe cause bad feeling and difficult times ahead with family get togethers.

It doesnt matter if you are right or wrong, these ppl are going to be a part of your life for a very long time.

You must decide whats important, outright hostility, which is what will happen, or peace in the family as a whole and just venting to your fiance

Tough one, I decided the latter and just smiled, and spoke when needed, its been 30 years and it dont get any easier. But I wished id been a bit more forgiving

Goodluck

katiekitten

Oh es, im sorry hunny. Its never going to get any easier. These stupid things just rumble on and on, and they will always focus on a specific incidents (well you didnt say hello to me when I saw you in the supermarket on Thurssday) instead of admitting that there is a fundamental problem with their relationship with you.

Id try and avoid them as much as possible. Move to England. Do it before next week then you can come to the apostofest!

Es

thanks all for your replies. I kinda agree with Katie on this one. I just want to stay away. I find it really really hard to be round people I dont like or people that have hurt me. I dont even spend alot of time with my folks for the same reason. I have decided to stay away till I cool off and until i can be round them. If they get there nose out of joint then that will affect if I decide to be round them ever. I know it sounds harsh but thats how i feel right now es