See the JW, not the person

by robhic 9 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  robhic

  I've written before about my poor JW gilfriend and her health problems (I am not a JW). She was in the hospital for an infection the last 3 days and, like usual, a few JWs visited her. (The hospital is conveniently located 5 blocks from their KH...) In speaking with her at times she would mention that "some ladies from my church came to visit" followed immediately by stating her lack of familiarity or even recognition of one or more of the ladies visiting.

  She has had JWs visit her in hospital and at home many times before. These visits are almost always accompanied by comments about a person or persons which my G/F doesn't know. I know the JWs seem to travel in "swarms" or packs but visiting a person you don't even know? OK, it's nice but ... There are some that she does know but the others are just tag-alongs.

  Then it hit me: They don't visit the actual person they visit a JW. They go because it involves another of their own kind, not an individual. While they are always nice and friendly, it is so odd that they can keep this charade up so effortlessly. I guess they don't realize it themselves. (There's that cognitive vaccuum again. ) They don't care (or seemingly so) about her personally, they just care about an ailing JW -- another part of the collective! It truly is "The Borg" from Star Trek.

  It has puzzled me that virtual strangers would go visit a stranger. They couldn't pick her out if she wasn't the one lying in the bed! Of course the strangers are usually in the company of others that know her but sometimes it is a person who doesn't know the person they are visiting nor she them.

  Is this commonplace? Am I the one who is "off" here? Comments?

  Robert
• 

  skyman

  Trust me they would not go if they person was disfellow shipped. You are right on your conclusion
• 

  PaulJ

  I think I know what you mean. Im sure genuine friends of her's visit her, but I can imagine many would be going simply to show the nurses and other patients that JW's are a caring friendly people. IN all honesty, they are just there to eat the grapes...
• 

  robhic

  I think I know what you mean. Im sure genuine friends of her's visit her, but I can imagine many would be going simply to show the nurses and other patients that JW's are a caring friendly people. IN all honesty, they are just there to eat the grapes...

  Exactly. However, I also got to thinking about the ones who actually do know her and are "friends" in the JW way. At the hospital at least they can leave magazines in the waiting room and in the patient room. At home, it is a bit different.

  When they visit, it usually is for all of 5 - 15 minutes. It involves magazines and/or reading that "Daily Text" that I guess she isn't smart enough to read on her own. It is a "visit" only in that they come to visit another person but it always -- ALWAYS -- is with an agenda. It's a sales call to someone who has already bought the product. And they can't count time I'm told nor count literature placement (but probably do...).

  I really annoys me. I go visit in the sense of a visit. I go 3-5 days a week and stay for hours helping her, getting things she needs (water, etc.) and being company for her. All of a sudden, a swarm of dubs bursts in, turns on all the lights (it was right before her bedtime and she was winding down to sleep) and starts loud conversation. It really pisses me off when they do this. Other times it's just the burst-in, mag leaving, comment-making and then they are gone (which part doesn't bother me ). It is all so impersonal.

  Robert
• 

  sweet tee

  The more you observe JW's the more you realize how far from the norm they are in basic manners and socialization. It's not completely their fault though ... all the WTS talks to them about is how to serve THEM! NOT how to be of service to OTHERS!
• 

  Now What?

  
  You are not the one who is off. They look to a few scriptures about 'brotherly love' and actually feel obligated, as a group, to visit the sick or lost or whatever, because of being part of the bigger group. They care about the person, not exactly as an individual person, but as a fellow member of the organization. An example: Each week at the book study the conductor would say "Well, this week it is our turn to look in on sister so and so, who wants to make a visit?" What I always thought was weird was sometimes people would volunteer (or be assigned) that never even met the person! I did some of these visits and it was awkward, but it was viewed as part of 'the arrangement' so we got through it and moved on. All very odd though. Now that is not to say that there isn't indeed people that might have genuine interest in the person. But it's easy to see genuine caring over the phony 'visit if we must' social call.

  Sometimes I though it was an excercise to try and teach the average witness how to develop love for others. But time to find a different strategy, as that one aint workin'
• 

  FairMind

  all the WTS talks to them about is how to serve THEM! NOT how to be of service to OTHERS!

  While I can understand why some might think the above, it is actually not a true or fair statement. The WTS does focus on how to serve Jehovah (which always seems to be in a way that benefits the organization) but much is also said about helping those related to us in the faith.
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  Preston

  Robert,

  Your post reminded me of when I was a JW. There were many occassions when some JWs and I visited people in their homes and at hospitals that I didn't know personally, but then again, I don't think i really "knew" anyone as a JW. As JW's we were so concerned with image, and "being an example" I remember very little about my whole JW experience as being "real" in any way, shape or form and that what I was doing, I was doing out of "duty" rather than "love". It's all theatrical Robert, a phisod. It's about as phony as one of the staged dramas they had at one of our district conventions. You can't have genuine love for an image, and that's the whole summation of what its like to be a JW.

  Rent the movie "safe" with Julianne Moore, it represents the weird interpersonal feelings of the religious

  - Preston
• 

  LongHairGal

  You are not off, your observation is correct.
  
  They are only interested in the outward appearance of appearing to be concerned about a fellow dub. Not all of it is phoney though, sometimes people really do like you. But for the most part it is forced. There are good and bad points to this whole situation. On the one hand it is good that they will help a fellow dub (even if their arms are twisted). The down side is when they will defend a fellow dub who has done something really bad (as in the case of the child abuse scandals recently). In other words, if they are a dub it is a "white wash" for the bad that they have done. I don't know how else to say it.
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  lilybird

  yes.. its true that it is more about being a fellow JW than caring about the person for the person. When I was still attending meetings, an older sister who every loved and was a very kind person, (in spite of her being in a cult), was dying of cancer and was hospitalized. The sisters took turns sleeping on a cot in her room at nite so she wouldn't be alone when she died. A nurse commented that she had more visitors than most patients,,, to which the visiting sister said,,,,,"we are Jehovah's Witnesses". .....even at the time,, it sounded more like propagaganda than actually caring. to me........I know of ones who didn't attend regularly and no one visited them at all....................