dammit life in confusion

tsunami_rid3r

i'm confused, i feel hypocritical. first let me get this clear, i'm not a religious person, but i believe someone or something started the big bang and chain of events that created our universe. i believe in evolution.

lifes really been on the brightside. i've made lots of friends. different friends, i don't just hang out with one group. i don't really give a damn about dating and all that bullshit now. my atitude seems very uncaring and just living it right now. but friends are where its at.

but thats where i feel so hypocritical at. i have friends that go clubbing, drink, smoke, party, and i love it, it is so damn fun. and then i have friends who are religious and awesome christians, play in bands, go to rock concerts, lead church services, live good lives, and just effin rock out. and then theres the girl, that i will always still think about until i meet the next one that clicks.

funny thing, the last party i had, i invited all of these people, but there was no smoking allowed because of the parents. they all went together well.

well to make matters worse, tonight my parents invited their jehovahs witness friends and i hung out with em, all of em girls, it was a nightmare. but one particular, my age, seemed like she wanted to get out of the oppression but still want to continue with her faith. she noticed i didnt hang out with anyone from the kingdom. i just told her that group told lies about me and she said none of the girls talk to her also. i also told her about my rock concerts and a club. and from that, i'm going to field service with her and her friends tomorrow morning. blah it was a fun night.

hah this girl is the one i helped a cool witness friend hook up with. but i know the limits.

anyway, what the hell is up with me? is this good or bad? do i just want it all? why the hell am i voluntarily going to field service tomorrow? its just so wierd on the mind.

OH YEA check out my set of poems they really rock. go here-----> www.myspace.com/tsunamirid3r
ps:i found clare ;) a street sign named claremont.

sass_my_frass

You poor guy, you sound so confused!

Okay all I have to offer is my current philosophy on life, which I invented to fill the gap which was left when I lost my faith in the organisation, it's working for me so far and it goes like this... with or without a god, the most important thing in life is love. Eros, agape, whatever; any flavour of love is the reason to stay alive. If we have love among our selves - friends, family, community, our partner, that's what will give life meaning. This is convenient as apparently 'God Is Love', so it's easy to believe. It will do more for now anyway, until I sort things out.

I think that you should start with being nice to both your old and your new friends, both the rockers and the christians. Stick with the people who do good for things for you, lose the people who hurt you. Keep it simple.

You're asking if your life is hypocritical; only if you're lying to your people about who you are. Lots of people on this site are doing that, to keep their family, or their life in general... yes when that's happening it certainly feels hypocritical, because it is. It's difficult to live a lie about who you are, it hurts, and it's difficult to know if it's worth it in the end. I've recently started being more true to myself though, and life has gotten a lot better.

All the best to you sweetie!

Wasanelder Once

tsunami_rid3r,

There's a great quote from a character in the remake of the old film Flight of The Phoenix. The guy tells the captain who's opposed to using thier time and water in efforts to rebuild their plane:

"People need to have someone to love, if they dont have someone to love they need hope, if they dont have hope at least give them something to keep busy." (something close to that)

We all find our way, you will too. If you feel hypocritical think about why you feel this way. Only you can know why. If you are being maliscious, then shame on you. If you are just being young and figuring out what is the most acceptable crowd to your personal standards, then great. Its playtime right now. Love will make itself known to you in time. If you dont find that then get busy. Be careful with your heart (figurative one) and your body.Not everyone will be honest with you ya know.

Nice picture.

W.Once

greendawn

You realised quite early on that the jw life has nothing much to offer so I suppose you will get out of the oppressive jw environment.

tsunami_rid3r

haha. today was funny. so i went to field service this morning. turns out this outing was a brother's date. after all he called her last night to go to field service. wow he acted so desperate, he conducted, drove, did stupid stuff to impress her. and then she was desperate to have me screw her, just from all the stuff she did to me, like grabbing and touching at the restaurant. dammit, i'd feel more bad if i changed her from what she believes in.

haha, man are there people like this in the world or is it a JW thing?

there was a local needs part on dating. lol.

La Capra

I think that going out in service in order to hang out with a member of the opposite sex (as just a friend, or otherwise) is probably one of the better reasons to go that I have heard (or used - when I was your age. Must say I never tried to feel up the guys at the coffee shop, tho.' ) Carry on. Shoshana

GentlyFeral

Tsunami boy,

You're just coming out of a wilderness of slavery and fear. You're just beginning to appreciate the contrasts. I remember that initial "high" of freedom and enjoyment. Savor it! It's good for you!

But anyway, about "hypocrisy" – I had the very same issues about other kinds of "takin' care of business." And the most instructive ~~scripture~~ parable I found was this.

Have you ever seen Kill Bill? You might like it. It's exceedingly violent and campy – live-action anime is what it is – but there's one extremely instructive scene where the heroine, paralyzed from the waist down, has just fought off and killed a rapist, escaped from the hospital, and dragged herself into the front seat of his car. (Yep, she took his keys.)

For the next five or six or eight hours she lies in the front seat, telling herself, "Wiggle your big toe."

At the end of those eight hours, she sits up and drives off.

Don't worry about getting everything right today. Just wiggle your big toe, brother. Do as much as you can to be true to yourself today – and take the opportunities as they open up.

gently feral

tsunami_rid3r

yea, but i like to party with alcohol and get drunk because its fun, just let loose. i like music. i like dancing and moshing to rock music. i love going to my friend's churches because it just makes me feel so much closer to god if he is out there. i love all of my friends because they seem to always be there for me. best times of my life, lots of memories. yes, that was hypocritical right there right?

i remember around last year, i was losing my witness friends because they were being punks about me going worldly. i was a fool and trusted them too much. hell they drank with me. i spoke with a coworker about it, and she told me, "how many people are in the world?" my reply, "billions", and she said all of them could be your friends. yeaaa, wow. she was a fountain of advice.

haha, rumor in the congregation is i'm in love with this 13 year old. well my parents always invite her family over. fuck them, i'm not part of this religion anymore, i don't care. let them think whatever, let them get into people's lives if that fancies them. elders, the people in the congregation, all the fuckin same.

GentlyFeral

yea, but i like to party with alcohol and get drunk because its fun, just let loose. i like music. i like dancing and moshing to rock music. i love going to my friend's churches because it just makes me feel so much closer to god if he is out there. i love all of my friends because they seem to always be there for me. best times of my life, lots of memories. yes, that was hypocritical right there right?

No! Perfectly honest! You know exactly what you need, what you believe, and how you need to live (well, as much as it's possible to know in your situation, at your age; and you'll only get wiser with experience and thought). There is one person you have ceased to lie to: yourself. All truth must proceed from there.

Don't feel hypocritical because you like to mosh and go to church. Jesus' first miracle, after all, was to turn water into wine. He loved to go over to people's houses for dinner and a good brain-wrestle. That didn't stop him from healing people and chasing money lenders out of the temple and all that. As Emma Goldman, the anarchist lecturer, once said, "If I can't dance, I don't want to be in your revolution." You're doing the same as Jesus did, only without the super-size holiness and special effects.

One tiny bit of adult-prude advice - find as many ways to "let loose" without alcohol as you can. Just so you don't end up relying on an addictive drug to feel free. Keep your celebratory options wiiiide open. But you know this

gently feral

Wasanelder Once

Gently Feral,

My Tallest! My Tallest! My, my, my Tallest! Hey, hey, MY TALLEST!!!!!

W.Once

dammit life in confusion

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