Well, as a special treat for the atheist world, my last three articles will be new ones. Two of them, including this one, have never been seen before.
ALIEN INVASION
I realize that this article has nothing to do with God, but I’m in a myth-busting mood today, and I feel like vaporizing another of my favorite imaginary characters – aliens. In many ways, belief in aliens is very similar to belief in God. They are both mythical creatures with superior powers and knowledge, with no verifiable evidence of their existence. If you don’t agree with me, too bad. This is my book.
It seems that there is a large group of my human associates (31.5% of Canadians, at last official count – much more by my observation) who think that the earth is being buzzed by inquisitive and pleasure seeking beings from other planets. These aliens don’t think twice about spending enough energy to bankrupt a planet for the sole purpose of harassing our farm animals and spicing up the lives of our social misfits.
Unfortunately, there are three reasons why this scenario is not plausible – time, distance, and common sense. Let’s take a look at each one of these.
IS THERE INTELLIGENT LIFE OUT THERE?
Well, without getting too scientific, we can safely say that there is a whole shit-load of stars out there, and a whole lot of time has passed. There is somewhere in the neighborhood of a bzillion planets in the universe. Personally, I find it conceited to think that we are the only planet with life, but who knows?
Since this essay goes no where without intelligent life in space, let’s assume that there is. As you will see, whether there are aliens out there or not is irrelevant, anyway.
REASON #1: TIME
Currently, the best estimate of the age of the universe is 12.5 billion years. There is some debate about this, but once you get up to numbers of this magnitude, a few billion years one way or the other is just splitting hairs.
The universe is not miserly when it comes to doling out time and space. We all know this. But, most people really don’t understand just how old and big the universe actually is. I would like to demonstrate.
If we were to plot a timeline of our existence on a chart, we would need a very big chart. Imagine a chart a mile long, with the big bang at one end and me at the other. The rest of my dates are taken from the PBS website, so if you don’t like them, don’t contribute. Here is what our chart would look like:
• 12.5 Billion years ago – big bang – one mile from me on the chart
• 5 Billion years ago – formation of the sun – 2,112 feet from me
• 3.8 Billion years ago – earliest life forms emerge – 1,605 feet from me
• 200 Million years ago – mammals emerge – 84 feet from me
• 600,000 years ago – homo sapiens emerge – 3 inches from me
• 6,000 years and 6 days ago – god creates heaven and earth – 3/100 of an inch from me
• 2,000 years ago – some writer thinks up Jesus – 1/100 of an inch from me
• 75 years ago – first strong radio waves emanate from earth – 4/10,000 of an inch from me
I think we better stretch our chart. We have been emanating radio waves into space for around 75 years. If anyone is out there scouring the sky for traces of life, it would be less than a century that they would have any idea that we exist. If we make that length of time one inch on our graph, then our graph of the life of the universe would stretch to a length of 2,600 miles.
Now, we know that different suns have been born at different times. Some solar systems would be older than ours, some may not even be born yet.
If there is life out there, it probably evolved very, very, slowly – like us. So, imagine a race of aliens with their own chart of the timeline of the universe. Take their chart, and line it up beside ours. What is the likelihood of our period of space travel coinciding with theirs? – Infinitesimal. In order to be in contact with them, our lives must intersect with theirs in time. These numbers quickly reach into the realm of the unfathomable. Let me use an example.
Remember that our original graph is a mile long, and our period of space travel is smaller than the size of a pinpoint. So, our space travel period is 1/167,000,000th of the life of the universe. Now, take another similar graph for an alien civilization, and set it down by ours. In order to make contact with these aliens, their pinpoint would have to intersect with ours. The odds of this happening would be like picking a random lottery number and winning; then winning again, with the same number, 167 consecutive times.
For the mathematical purists out there, I admit that I have oversimplified a bit, by not eliminating the impossible combinations, placing an upper limit on human existance, and not allowing for multiple intelligent species. On the other hand, I have also ignored the future emergence of life, which stretches the graph even larger. However, the point remains clear. If there really is intelligent life out there, the odds are overwhelming that either we missed it, or it hasn’t arisen yet. And, don’t tell me that the aliens have mastered space travel. They just simply won’t exist at the same time that we exist.
REASON # 2: DISTANCE
Let’s draw another chart. And, if you thought the universe was old, well, just wait till you see how big it is.
I am going to stand in my office and wave to my lovely assistant, who is standing exactly on the other side of the earth – 12,450 miles away, if we follow the earth’s surface. I will plot that distance on another graph, with a length of one inch. So, we are working with a scale of roughly 800,000,000:1. Here is what our chart looks like:
• 1 inch – distance to the other side of the world – 12,450 miles
• 19 inches – distance to the moon – 236,000 miles
• 622 feet – distance to the sun – 93 million miles
• 9.3 miles – diameter of the solar system (Pluto’s orbit) – 7.34 billion miles
• 32,000 miles – distance to nearest star – 4.35 light years
• 745 million miles – diameter of our galaxy – 100,000 light years
• 43 billion miles – distance to the Pegasus galaxy – 5.8 million light years
OK, I’m out of paper. My graph has now traveled to the sun and back 232 times, and I still haven’t even come close to crossing the universe. Galaxies have been found that are 2,000 times farther away than Pegasus. Did you get the point? The universe is really, really, big.
If there is life out there, what are the odds of finding it? Well, imagine that you fire a slow moving bullet from Los Angeles in 1940, and exactly 40 years later, someone raises the head of a pin in Japan, and holds it up for one second. You are expected to hit that pinhead at exactly that instant. Now do that a few thousand times without missing.
Now, let’s put time and space together. Assume that intelligent life exists in one of the closer galaxies – Pegasus. By the time we receive signals from them, 5.8 million years will have passed. By the time they receive our response, another 5.8 million years will have passed. It would take almost 12 million years just to get past the “hellos”.
Even if we were able to find other intelligent life, the amount of energy required for them to visit us would be so large that it would be neither possible nor economical for them to drop by. And, even if they could travel at the speed of light, both us and them would likely be extinct before they arrived.
REASON #3: COMMON SENSE
So, up to now we have seen that IF there is intelligent life out there, it is extremely unlikely that it exists at the same time as us. Even if they have the technology to cross the universe instantly, we won’t be there when they do it. As well, it is extremely unlikely that they could find us. And, if they did find us, it is extremely unlikely that they could get to us.
The universe has an abundance of time and space, but there is another commodity which is as scarce as the others are plentiful, especially when it comes to alien visitations – common sense.
Imagine that someone told you that you may have relatives in England. Would you decide to pack up the kids and just drop in on them? Well, obviously not. For one thing, they may not exist. They may have died, moved, be out of town, or perhaps your source was wrong. If you were serious about visiting, you would pick up the phone and try to contact them first – right?
If we assume that there is intelligent life in the universe, coinciding with us chronologically, wouldn’t they simply send a radio beacon, first? Radio communications cost a fraction of a physical visit and travel at the speed of light. The universe could be scoured for life before visiting.
Using this logic, only a receptor within about 75 light years of earth could possibly know that we exist – virtually nothing in the vast universe. So, they don’t know we are here.
We can look for them by searching the sky for signs of life, but so far – nothing.
BACK TO ROSWELLConsidering the time and distance involved, it would be ridiculous to think that aliens would just drop in, especially when you consider the lunacy of the reasons given for their visits.
I saw a classic episode of The Kids in the Hall a while ago. One alien was questioning another alien regarding why they keep coming to earth to perform anal probes, when the only thing they learn is that one in ten humans don’t seem to mind. It does seem like a huge effort to come to earth for so little purpose.
So, if we are not being visited, then what is behind the countless sightings and encounters? Well, I will speculate that there are a number of phenomena – both psychological and physical – that are not well understood, and are considered eerie by the people who experience them. This could include things like lucid dreaming, altered psychological states, unusual atmospheric events, optical illusions, military testing, and a host of other possibilities.
In the past, many of these experiences were explained as spirit encounters or visions. In fact, the Bible specifically credits epilepsy to demon possession. As our society has progressed, we have come up with a slightly more sophisticated explanation for unexplained things. Aliens are popping up everywhere. Hardly anyone reports visions, anymore.
So, do you think I can convince those 30% of my fellow humans that we are not being visited by aliens? Well, I doubt it. Considering that more than twice as many people still believe in the invisible sky-daddy we call God, there doesn’t seem much hope in banishing aliens any time soon.