Emotional Tug of War

Daunt

The one thing I hate most about the whole idealogy of the JW's is the ransom for your love they like to play on you. Many times you will find the greatest people you will ever meet being a JW but they will only love you and you can only love them as long as you're current condition or title is a JW. I can garrentee you that this is one big reason why a lot of people do not leave. It is just heart wrenching to know that you can only keep these people's love is to stay with this religion. Now the rational explanation is to just reason that if they truly loved you they would stick by you no matter what. Now this is true but it still doesn't sooth the pain of dozens of people that you would call your best friends having them your worse enemies.

I'm somewhat in this situation now. It is immpossible for me to live sane under this religion for more than 2 more years, yet it's just feels like your heart is being torn out every time you talk with folks that care about you (The JW you at least). Just wondering if you guys have any suggestions or advice or experiences to help me and other folks in this situation out.

kls

Daunt , not that i have ever been in this situation but i think like others do is the slow fade, that way your parents will get the idea ,but yet for now you are still showing an interest. Let them think that you are just alittle confused right now and as a teen you have other things on your mind . When you become an adult then you can handle it the way you feel is best for you but remember , even a fade will hurt some die hard jws so be ready because sometimes there is no way to avoid this.

Daunt

Ya, that seems to be the best way togo about it. No easy way out of it. Just wonder if there's any way for me to keep some contact with the friends I have inside though. Hate the boundaries they enforce on it's members.

kls

Just wonder if there's any way for me to keep some contact with the friends I have inside though. Hate the boundaries they enforce on it's members.

That maybe hard to do and yes because of the wt, but soon when you are an adult you will meet lots of new people and friends . Really it will happen ,just give it all time to happen . Besides , who says none of your friends will see what you know to be the untruth of the wt.

jgnat

My husband and I used to visit his mother in the nursing home. What was most heart-wrenching was when she would ask if she could come home with us. Of course we couldn't. My doctor-sister, who spends a lot of time with the elderly, put it in to perspective for me. She said Mama's words were a vote of confidence, that she felt comfortable enough with us that she would want to be with us. She said the proper reply is to hug her and say, "We love you too, Mama."

Perhaps a similarly kind reply (without giving up your freedom) when someone says, "I missed you at the meeting" is "I am touched that you are thinking of me. Give me a call any time and we'll go out for a beer/coke/burger, OK?"

jgnat

Here's two more JW manipulative phrases that I hate. These seem reserved for former JW's.

"You know better."

and

"You've made your choice."

I think both are veiled threats that non-JW's would not pick up. Both are saying, "You have chosen to die, die, die." It might help to have some questions ready. My first instinct would be to say, "I know what? What exactly are you implying?" "Are you saying that by choosing not to attend meetings, I have somehow....what? Spit it out, man!"

LongHairGal

Daunt:

It's called conditional love. It is not real love. A person who really loves you will do so no matter what you believe. Their love is based upon your performance and adherence to certain things. Once you are out of step with their dance routine the "love" goes out the window.

There is no getting away from the fact that if you leave you will lose whatever friends you think you have there. You must accept this. I would suggest you make friends on the outside now and/or rekindle other friendships you have let die.

Country Girl

What I really hate is when your JW relatives say "You KNOW it's the truth. How can you leave it?" Well.. no.. I know I don't know it's the truth. In fact, I am highly sure it ISN'T and that is why I left. I get upset when people PRESUME to know what I THINK, KNOW, FEEL, ETC.

CG

MegaDude

Many times you will find the greatest people you will ever meet being a JW

Greatest how?

Emotional Tug of War

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