Are you angry or rebellious? My sister thinks I am.

by findingmyway 20 years ago 8 Replies latest 20 years ago jw experiences

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  findingmyway 20 years ago

  My sister although not df'd at the time, explored at least one other religion. She attended regularly and was a Sunday School teacher. I asked her today what was her motivation and asked if she had ever done research about the organization. She told me that she was angry with the people in the JW organization and was simply looking for a place to belong. She says that she had an extremely rebellious spirit which opened her up to all sorts of demonic influences.

  I do admit that there was a time when I was very angry with people (elders, former friends, family) in the JW org. However, because of everything I was taught about avoiding apostates and not looking beyond the material put out by the WTS, I never did any research. It wasn't until I thought long and hard about returning that I decided that, since none of what I was taught ever took root, maybe I should study on my own (since obviously there was no JW that would help me get a clearer understanding of the things that I never understood). I suppose I still have some residual feelings of anger, but it isn't the raging anger I once felt, and I may be fooling myself, but I don't think it prevents me from seeing what's real. I'm not latching onto anything just for the sake of belonging. I've been alone in this world for the past 4 years almost and I've never had the desire to belong to another religious group. Part of my reason for searching stems from my desire to worship. In order to do this, I have to understand why I have this need and I need to build a foundation for my beliefs. I am looking for a place that strictly adheres to the bible and is filled with warm, non-judgmental, christian love.

  That's my short story, but I can't share that with anyone from my JW past because they think that I'm lost and angry and headed towards destruction. I'm sure many of you have had similar experiences. Will you share them with me?

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  talesin 20 years ago

  finding,

  Here's a thought.

  When we are teens, rebellion is a natural part of growing up, of separating from our parents and establishing our own identity. It is only to folks such as the JWs, or other controlling people/groups, who see rebellion as a 'bad' thing.

  My own arrested development meant that I did not rebel till I was in my late 30s! It was rough to go through at that age, but did me the world of good to finally stand up and say 'This is MY life, and I will do what I WANT, not what you think I should do."

  Angry? Gee, what reason could you have to be angry? LOL,,, duh! Acknowledge the anger, express it, work through it, instead of letting it smoulder inside and turn into rage and bitterness.

  take care,

  tal

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  Finally-Free 20 years ago

  While I was a JW I was perceived as a rebellious person. Really, I am not rebellious toward duly constituted authority. But I have a HUGE problem with people who try to assert authority where they in fact have none. That was my biggest problem with elders, and the source of very many conflicts I had with them. They tried to stick their noses in areas of my personal life where they had no business, such as education, employment, the type of car I drove, etc. I wasn't about to take that crap from anyone, and I let them know it in no uncertain terms.

  As far as any religion is concerned, they have no authority except that which I give them.

  W

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  AlanF 20 years ago

  The reaction of many JWs to learning that someone has quit the cult is to ascribe various sorts of bad motives to them. Quitters are variously proud, rebellious, angry -- whatever it takes for the JW dismiss out of hand any criticims the quitter of the cult might offer. So your story is common. They do this simply to avoid having to deal with information they don't like. It's emotionally easy to dismiss someone you see as angry and bitter; it's far more difficult to dismiss someone who calmly presents facts.

  I, as one example, never had any problems with elders or anyone else in the congregations I attended. My gripes about the JW were strictly intellectual -- I found out that they told a lot of lies about science. Of course, once I got to the point of realizing that the Society was intellectually dishonest in an area like science, where subjects are usually subject to empirical testing, it was a no-brainer to see that they were probably dishonest about strictly religious ideas as well. And when I looked into such topics, that's exactly what I found. Only during the gradual process of figuring all this out did I become angry at the Society -- rarely at individual JWs, except to the extent that they refused to discuss problems -- because I realized that I had been lied to all my time as a JW. There's nothing wrong with being angry about that.

  AlanF

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  findingmyway 20 years ago

  So rebelliousness isn't a bad thing. According to the dictionary, it means defiant, unruly, disloyal, and insubordinate. But you're saying that embracing the anger and rebellion is what will lead me to take my own road. What if my road is the wrong one? Why do I struggle between need someone to lead me and needing to be in charge of my own life?

  Ever since I was a child, I always did what my parents and others in authority told me and it wasn't until I did differently that I suffered. Having that ingrained in me makes venturing out on my own a very scary experience. And now that I have a child, my decisions affect him too.

  This is a torturous situation that I am in.

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  findingmyway 20 years ago

  My gripes about the JW were strictly intellectual

  I think for me that's the reason why the teachings never took root. I felt dishonest and untruthful whenever I engaged in door to door witnessing. I could only support the things that spewed out of my mouth to a point and I would always have to come back. That's why eventually, I resorted to simply placing literature and never attempted to give a heavy witness. I always knew that this was not for me and that I would leave one day.

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  Carmel 20 years ago

  Findingyourway, for what it's worth, I'm courious why you have set a standard of "strictly by the bible" as your criteria for finding a "church". Also, is it a social environment that you are seeking? Usually when one limites themselves in as search, they will find what they are looking for innitially but ultimately it will not be satisfying. I hope you find what you are seeking... happiness.

  carmel

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  Ingenuous 20 years ago

  FMW - This is too familiar for me. I got a call from my sister Friday night where she asked if I left because of something someone did to me. I said, "no," and she responded that 'it's so late [in this system]' and started crying. Because JWs don't recognize any other religion or approach to God as legitimate, anyone who has problems with the Org is automatically "rebelling against Jehovah." It's unreasonable, but it's also what's been ingrained in those of us who were born "in."

  I, too, tried to be the perfect daughter. Therefore, I'm getting a special kind of wrath from my family reserved for such children who go "astray." Like talesin, I'm just getting around to independent thinking, and I'm 28.

  The problems we have when getting out are different from the problems we had while "in", but that doesn't mean we were without problems. You mentioned how dishonest you felt going door-to-door and that's a very different thing than being picked-on for obeying your conscience and trying to develop a faith you can live with.

  I've been attending Bible Student groups and really enjoy them. Lots of discussion, respectful disagreement, and the warmest people I've ever met. I'm also looking into churches of the Disciples of Christ. What draws me to both is an emphasis on a personal relationship with God and a respect for the intellect of individuals while holding to a few necessary (to me) tenets of faith. I'm doing a lot of reading and asking questions - and don't feel guilty anymore about it! I'm truly open to learning - very different from always being on the defensive, which I was when I was a JW. I think it's important, however, to not necessarily jump right in to another group until you know you're ready for it, i.e., that you're familiar with the tactics of intellectual dishonesty and can recognize when you may be trading the frying pan for the fire. I also found it important to get more familiar with my "textbook", the Bible, before moving on - if I have doubts/questions about my source" for truth, everything else I build on it will be unsteady and pointless.

  JMHO

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  googlemagoogle 20 years ago

  i really don't know what's wrong with rebellion.
  
  jesus was a rebel. and from the time he rebelled, things went wrong for him... when things seem to go wrong it doesn't necessarily mean you're on the wrong way.

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