Reflections on family - your ideas?

by happysunshine 4 Replies latest social family

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  happysunshine

  I recently got an e-mail from my brother. There were pictures of his kids and wife, visiting my ageing parents. It was bitter-sweet. My wife was excited to see recent pictures. She thought it was a good chance to try visit. But I feel strange.

  It’s been ten years since the family kicked me out of the house for doubting the Watchtower Society. In that time I turned my wrecked life into a success story. But I have an “empty place”, to quote Stuart Little. I had a dream of getting the family together again and being normal. I think of it almost daily. But I am losing hope. It has consumed me at times. As a direct result, I feel I am gradually losing power in my daily life, finding it hard to make decisions, or get involved.

  I may be able to see them all again. But I don’t know if I can handle any possible bubbling under the surface of what I perceive to be the real issue in our family – the Watchtower. Despite the polite e-mail, I wonder about their “paradise hope” being based on “rivers of blood” of non-Witnesses. I don’t know if I could handle any insinuation or backhanded comments from anyone in the family, as we kids were trained to do to non-Witnesses.
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  jgnat

  You are still grieving your loss. Honestly, truly, I think you need a little ceremony, a "funeral" if you will, to mourn all you have lost.

  Only after you have given up ever restoring what could have been, are you ready to start rebuilding. Look at your old family as a group of friendly strangers that you hope to get to know. They can say what they want. The sting will be gone.

  I think the healing will come when you look at what you have built, and grow on that. You might even want to adopt a senior at a local nursing home.

  What you are describing reminds me of the years I grieved over the loss of my mother. Not through accident or death, but by mental disease. My mother in body is still around, but she is not the mom I remember from childhood. I resented her for a very long time for that, and I said many nasty things in those years. A counsellor suggested that I grieve properly over my loss. When I changed my perspective, everything changed. Now I treat my mom like a slightly dotty neighbour, pleasant to visit, but don't let her move in. We are both so much happier now.
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  happysunshine

  Thanks so much for your comments, Jgnat!

  I'll think about what you said. I guess I feel like we never had it out, you know kind of all sit down at a table and lay everything we have out - or a slug fest if necessary. Then we would either solve it or be done with it for good. A clean answer.

  Now, that's my feeling. But I don't know if the reality would be different, out of control, like some sort of Pandora's box.

  What ya think?
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  happysunshine

  bump.

  Because of L.L.

  Why does life have to be so hard?
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  Jez

  
  I would rather go and see them and know, than not know. I would hate to fantasize about what could be, was etc. Maybe they have changed as well, maybe they won't try to change you, rather just accept you. You won't have the answers to any of your questions unless you go and see for yourself. Then you can have final closure if it is just too uncomfortable, or you could have a new start based on new boundaries and respect.

  Just my 2 cents, Jez

  Wait a min, I just looked at the dates on this. What did you decide to do sunshine?