Hello all. I'm looking for some thoughts/advice regarding this conversation my sister and I had via Instant Messenger. (SEE BELOW- names have been removed) I have been out of things for a while but I still don't feel very comfortable giving advice as everyone is different. I have tried to avoid being DF'd because of my family. I realize that it may happen some day (or very soon if my Dad chooses to talk to the rest of the elders about the conversation we had the other day) but my thinking is if you can avoid it and still live your life why try and make it happen. I'm very interested in hearing your opinions.
Sincerly,
Roro
my sister: You still there?
My sister: Oh no. STILL BE THERE!!
roro: Im here!
my sister : Oh good.
My sister : Phew.
My sister : Sorry about that.
roro: heh heh
my sister: Anywho, it is clear to me that mom has just been holding in all those feelings about me waiting to unleash them.
My sister: It's like just because I'm not involved with the truth my entire character is suddenly in question and I'm capable of any evil.
My sister: I can see that she is completely frustrated with me and all my efforts to go to the meeting and everything just to appease her are for nothing and I'm really thinking of saying the hell with it for now.
Roro: when Mom wants to help you with things you need to say to say no because right now Mom is very involved in your life helping you all the time
My sister: I realize that now.
My sister: I'm not going to let mom help me with anything else. I know that she does it out of love but she also does it to try to control me and make me do what she wants.
roro: The thing with the meetings and the 'truth' is that whatever you do it will never be enough. If you go to some meetings they want you to go to more. If you go to all the meetings you have to go in service. If you go to meetings and svc you have to pioneer, etc.
roro: you need to rely on mom a lot less. Dont drop (your daughter) off as often. Even if it means missing out on some parties or going out etc
My sister: Ro, I just don't know if I can do it anymore.
My sister: I mean, I am totally leading a double life and it's exhausting. The biggest thing is my friends that are disfellowshipped. Practically everyone I hang around with is disfellowshipped or worldly and I feel like I have to sneak around all the time.
roro: Yeah sneaking around stinks.
My sister: I guess what I'm saying is that I'm thinking about just going to the elders and telling them I am associating with disfellowshipped people.
roro: I dont think they need to know your business.
My sister: I'm gonna get caught eventually anyway.
roro: Yeah and if that happens ask if they have 2 witnesses if they do so be it. If not tell them to prove it. You see I dont think they should be able to control your life. If it happens it happens but dont go to them and confess anything I think that would be a mistake
My sister: You think?
roro: Live your life and if they choose to DF you so be it.
My sister: Ugh. I don't know.
My sister: It's just so frustrating.
roro: I just dont think you should go to them.
My sister: I mean, with (my daughter) and everything, too, because if (DF’d friend) or (DF’d friend) or (DF’d friend) or someone stops by and then I'm so worried that (My daughter) going to say something about it to someone and I'm going to have to hear about it.
roro: If anything do like (DF’d friend) did. Just cut yourself off from them and if they decide to do something eventually so be it.
My sister: That's true.
My sister: I just can't take living like this anymore.
My sister: I'm so stressed out ALL THE TIME.
roro: Just remember eventually you will have a conversation with dad (hes an elder)
My sister: Meaning?
roro: Dad isnt easy to talk too when it comes to this kind of thing. He knows all the tricks. I just had a long talk with him on a variety of subjects regarding the religion. Prepare yourself, call me and I will do my best to help you. He believes everything so completely that the religion and what they teach are the only reality to him.
My sister: I know.
My sister: I feel so awful because I don't want to hurt mom and dad but I know I'm not going to turn my back on my friends. I don't agree with it.
roro: Just live your life if they chose to DF you so be it. At least you will be able to say to Mom that it was not your decision it was theirs
roro: I don't want to hurt mom and dad either but theres comes a point when you have to live your own life for better or for worse and live with the consequences of your own decisions good or bad.
My sister: I agree. That's the point that I'm at.
My sister: Speaking of which,
My sister: (DF’d friend) just stopped by here so I kinda have to go right now.
My sister: I'll not talk to them though if you don't think that's the right thing to do.
My sister: I really need to talk to you about this on the phone.
roro: OK tell him I said hello. Hang in there. I love you. Be kind and respectful to Mom and Dad they love you very much. But you still have to do what you think is right.
roro: Give me a call later or tomorrow.
My sister: Okay. I love you.