Family members shun us.....

by Balsam 5 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  Balsam

  
  
  Hi Everyone,
  

  I ran across a Dear Abby letter in the newpaper today that made me think about our situation. I thought the suggestion was good that Dear Abby gave the woman.
  

  The reader was a white gal who marred a black man and was very happy. Her father more or less disowned her and quit communicating entirely. The woman who was 45 was asking if she should continue to write her Dad though he has cut her off? Well Dear Abby said NO, that her father was a racist and prejudice and her happiness was not more important that his prejudice. Just live your life and forget Dad because that door may be closed forever.
  

  Well as I read this I though about all of us who recieved this kind of cutting off because we rejected the JW religion as the only source of truth. Our JW friends, our loved ones who don't talk to us anymore. Why pursue it then, just get on with our happier lives and try to forget them. We can't keep pounding at a door that is slammed in our faces. If the religion is more important that the love they have for us then their love is very weak. I thought Dear Abby's answer could well apply to us here who might have been so hurt by the insensitive JW community. I have done this and feel a great deal happier and at piece. I've got new friend who are far more caring and less judgemental. These kinds of relationship are far more benefital then the old ones we had as JW. Remember how we were told to tattle on each other if one of us crossed the line of JW behavior.
  

  
  
  Balsam
• 

  Dansk

  Balsam,

  You're absolutely right - but blood ties make things so complicated. When one brings up a baby and watches it grow into adulthood, with all the pains experienced along the way, it is still a treasure to behold. My older daughter still shuns my wife, two sons and I after three years. Even though I was diagnosed with a terminal illness which she knows about she still won't get in touch. Our door will always remain open to her, as it did for our younger daughter who did the same as her sister but who at least has come back home (she still has her JW head on, though; her sister is married so it makes things even more complicated).

  The point is, we brought our children up in the cult and so have to bear some responsibility. We have got on with our lives and no longer even attempt to make contact with our older daughter - but the pain of separation is still there if we think about it. We can't suddenly shut off our feelings like a cold tap! Unfortunately, that's just what Watchtower has inculcated into our daughter(s) and so many thousands of others. It's sheer Nazism masquerading as Christianity but the adherents can't see it - as we couldn't! I dare say we would have acted just the same had our daughters been the ones to exit and we stayed in

  Yes, true friends are found outside Watchtower. Their friendship is unconditional. One day we hope our girls will genuinely realise their error, sooner rather than later. Until then we must carry on living as normally as possible.

  This could turn into a long thread as there are many injured souls here cut off from their loved ones. Each one with a horrendous story to tell.

  Ian
• 

  Balsam

  Dansk,

  Yes as I sat there writing the first post I thought of when I left the religion, my sons Dad and my youngest son was shunning me. I thought of how I felt such a responsiblity for raising him in it, but hoped that the his ability to think beyond it would eventually win out. He couldn't quite bring himself to shun me entirely, but tried too. After two years away some bad experiences at the KH finally shook his confidence in his Dad's devotion to the WTS. I was a luck one, my sons exited with me. We certainly always love our children and that is the most painful of all. Hurts more to think that our children could love a religion more than they love their parents, but your right we raised them that way. Yes we surely have to take the blame for how they think because we put that in their mind and heart. Your daughter may have a desire to contact you but her husband prevents her. Sadly I think it is hard for married women in the JW to leave the religion easily because of the headship stuff that is forced down our throats.

  As my son was shunning me when I first left, I had decided that I would have not contact with him again if that is what he wished. I asked him if that is really what he wanted or what his Dad wanted and he wouldn't answer me. He later told me no he wanted me in his life though he was living with his JW Dad. I often thought how will I cope with it if my son turned way from me and never wanted to hear from me again. I'd also lost a son to death so being cut off from holding our beloved child was not new to me. Could I view my living breathing child as dead if he said I was nothing to him. The pain would have been so terrible.

  I'm so sorry for all those who are cut off by children or parents cutting off their children, it's terribly painful. The emotional pull is a thread unbroken , but the wall is of their building and there is little we can do because the choice is theirs. All any one can do is hope that one day something will change their mind and they will reach out. Too bad we can't just cut off our emotions that all this evokes. Yes so much pain because of this sick mentality of the Jehovah Witness religion. Is it any wonder that we would be glad to see it come to an end. I think of all the parents and children who are aleinated from each other for so many reasons today. It's a shame but certainly something so many families experience. We are not alone.

  Balsam
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  Alwayshere

  Balsam and Dansk, You guys are right, we raised our kids in the cult and now are paying for it,but at the time we didn't know any better. That is what I have tried to tell my Daughter when she told me "Don't make me choose between you and Jehovah." I told her I wasn't the one making her choose, it was the watchtower society and that I was her Mother and would always speak to her and be here for her. Nothing seems to help. She told me, we could never have a relationship so guess all of us will have to live with the biggest mistake we ever made in our life. It's sad to think the society can get away with the damage they have done to families. Your right Dansk, we would have acted the same way because my son saw it was a cult first and I wanted him back in so bad, I was going to prove the society right, well I done a LOT of research and found society wrong and thats why I got out. We are labeled Apostates now.
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  Alwayshere

  Balsam, meant to say when I posted, I also read Dear Abby and thought the same thing you did but it's not easy.
• 

  Balsam

  Alwayshere and all,

  I suppose what we sow is what we reap has basically come back to bite us in the back that is for sure. Because we failed to research the WTBTS then turning around raising our children in it, we have reaped the bad results. For those raised in the JW's it is even harder because children are taught never to question the Society on anything. They Governing Body tell us they are absolutely right because they speak for God. By checking reason and common sense at the door we literally let them control our lives with complete blindness. Now they control our children who chose to shun us for learning the deceit and lies the Governing Body told us and we chose to speak out about it.

  It is a heavy price to pay, but I can't say I didn't know it when I became a JW at 20 years old. Did I understand it NO, not really. They didn't harp on the disfellowshipping and didn't have disassocation at that time in 1972. We were truly sheep lead to the slaughter of their cleaverly worded lies. The end was coming in 1975 for sure, the world is evil place controlled by wicked Christians because they belonged to other forms of Christianity. The list goes on and on.

  Then we made the fatal mistake of turning around and having our dear children brainwashed with that nonsense and lies all of their lives. We didn't know they were lying to us, fooling us and using us. Yes the responsiblity falls on us, but at the same time as our children grow into adults they share responsiblity for staying in it. They chose to do the same thing not investigating the Society, they trust and follow like sheep to the slaughter. So to some degree if they're adults, they share the responsibility for the continued ignorance. Today it's really not difficult to investigate the WTBTS because there is so much information available on the internet and many many books at any book store. Back when I became a JW there might have been a couple of books about them which I didn't know about because they were out of print in 1971.

  The problem is FAITH, faith in something that resists reason and common sense. FAITH that needs no proof, or research into its background. I think faith is highly over rated especially when religious organization demand we have faith in them as the only mouth piece of God. If our faith leads to such practices such as shunning our family because the disagree with the Jehovah's Witnesses there is something seriously wrong with that. If our reasoning and faith in a religious organization demands such a thing we need to really closely examine this without the religions publications and look at it in other bibles.

  I hope that JW's who make their way here to the JWD site will read this and think. Because it is not showing love and it is not bring or endearing the JW religion to those who are disfellowshipped which is so vaguely understood. Yes the WTBTS loves to say how we are the wicked slave and that is pure nonsense. We are not in league with Satan you are, you are doing what the wicked men who control you tell you to do and you do it blindly with absolute trust in them. They are human men and the power they hold over you is their drug of choice. Just use your powers or reason and question and reseach the teachings you hold so dear. Prove them to yourself. As Alwayshere said that is how she found out that the Society was what not what it said it was.

  Balsam