Was it like this when you left the witnesses?

by Sad emo 9 Replies latest jw experiences

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  Sad emo

  When I finally left the RC church after a long fade and joined another denomination, I got overwhelming feelings of guilt/doubt about what I had done. I guess it wasn't helped by my sister's reaction to what I had done either - that just hurt even more.

  Now, 10 years on, I don't get the doubt and guilt as often, but when I do, the feelings seem even worse than they did when I first left almost to the point that I'd consider going back just to make them go away (but then I'd probably feel guilty about going back ).

  Also, I seem to think that more 'bad' stuff has happened to me since leaving and when bad things are happening, I can't get away from the idea that God might be punishing me because I left the 'true' church and am therefore a really evil, sinful person who is only fit for hell and deserves everything I get. I have this lingering sense of negativity all the time.

  I just wondered if anyone experienced anything similar leaving the witnesses and how did you deal with it?
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  Legolas

  The guilt stopped after I found out it was all a lie!
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  bikerchic

  The guilt stopped after I found out it was all a lie!

  Same for me and good for me I left when I found out it was all a lie, everything after leaving was like having my desert first, guilt free!

  I think it's an attitude thing with you Sad elmo. Once you chuck doG and religion all that's left is to live a good productive life which you can be proud of, pracitce the two laws; love yourself and your neighbors.

  K.I.S.S.
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  Jordan

  Being negative and doubting your actions is a part of life, everybody does it, no matter what the decision is, everybody has regrets about things.

  As for the more bad things happening since leaving, I don't know about you, but there's not alot worse that could happen to me out of the organisation, than what happened in it. It's becuase we were trained to believe that if somebody left the organisation, they were doing wrong, and when we find it happening to ourselves, for whatever reason, we get the guilt, purely because of instinct beaten into us over the years.

  Giving up the organisation can be like giving up smoking, it's hard, you have this urge to continue doing it, despite knowing it's bad for you. It isn't until you're shown an image of somebody dying of lung cancer you realise the real danger.
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  Lady Lee

  OK Let's go through this one step at a time.

  When I finally left the RC church after a long fade and joined another denomination, I got overwhelming feelings of guilt/doubt about what I had done. I guess it wasn't helped by my sister's reaction to what I had done either - that just hurt even more.

  This is a normal reaction whenever anyone leaves their original faith. It seems that people take the choice to leave a religion as very personal. The guilt and doubts are perfectly normal whenever anyone makes a life altering decision like changing religion. Hey You are normal!

  Now, 10 years on, I don't get the doubt and guilt as often, but when I do, the feelings seem even worse than they did when I first left almost to the point that I'd consider going back just to make them go away (but then I'd probably feel guilty about going back).

  This too is normal. I went through it around 5 year period after I left. When we see things dont turn out the way we thought then we need time to reassess. And for those who have left any religion there is bound to be a spiritual reassessment.

  Also, I seem to think that more 'bad' stuff has happened to me since leaving and when bad things are happening, I can't get away from the idea that God might be punishing me because I left the 'true' church and am therefore a really evil, sinful person who is only fit for hell and deserves everything I get. I have this lingering sense of negativity all the time.

  OK Let's look at this realistically. Look at the news - wars, hurricanes, poverty, children starving to death... My perspective here is that if God is not going to sdtop all those people from suffering why on earth would we think he has time to sit up there and punish us for some changes of thought and beliefs. When you get right doewn to it I think it is rather egotistical to think God is watching just me while I make mistakes, I wouldrather want to believe he (or she) is busier helping a lot of other people rather than follow me around I just don't think I am important enough for all his attention

  I just wondered if anyone experienced anything similar leaving the witnesses and how did you deal with it?

  Well the WTS has a tactic to keep people in line. It is called GUILT. I'm sure you know it well. The problem is that this kind of guilt is imposed from the outside (the WTS) and it isn't interanl - like feeling bad that you hurt someone you care about or something that you did and now regret. You said

  Also, I seem to think that more 'bad' stuff has happened to me since leaving and when bad things are happening

  Sit down and on a sheet af paper make two columns. On one side list the good things that have happened since you left/ On the other side write down the negatives. Then look at the balance Then look on each side and evaluate whether those things would have happened even if you were still a JW. Also take a look at whether some of those things happened because you were in a state of post-traumatic stress due to leaving a cult. Would you have made some of those choices regardless of what choices you have made regarding religion. Make sure that on your list of positives you list intangible things like freedom of thought and speech, not being afraid of being caught doing or saying something that might be taken the wrong way... Hope it helps Lee
• 

  GentlyFeral

  sad emo,

  Steve Hassan dealt with all> these issues in his book, Combatting Cult Mind Control. I urge you to read it.

  Blessings & good luck,

  Gently Feral
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  Sad emo

  Thanks for the help, it's giving me lots to think about which is what I really need to do.

  I think it's an attitude thing with you Sad elmo.

  Bikerchic - Assuming you're talking about my negative outlook, yes I know this is where a lot of my problem probably stems from. I've been ranging between mild depression and suicidal for months now - but I'm working on it - that's why it's good for me to get feedback from you guys which will make me actually think as some days I can't even do that.

  Jordan and Lady Lee - it's good to discover that I'm normal!!

  I think I'm going through that spiritual reassessment at the moment. I don't think I ever had so many doubts about my beliefs as I do now, even though the change of church I made isn't anywhere near as radical as leaving the WTS.

  The guilt thing was heavily imposed at the church I grew up attending. I believed in a God who sees all our actions and punishes all our sins either here or in purgatory or in hell and that there was no salvation outside the church - so yes for me it was the worst thing I could do even though it was for the best. I thought I'd managed to shake most of that but wonder if really I've just buried it with all the other garbage in my life so maybe it keeps reappearing when I'm weak.

  I'm going to do that exercise you've told me to try - I suspect I may find out that I'm more afraid of myself than I am of others - which is a bit scary!

  Thanks for the book recommendation Gently Feral I'll try and get a copy.
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  bikerchic

  ((((((Sad emo))))))

  Bikerchic - Assuming you're talking about my negative outlook, yes I know this is where a lot of my problem probably stems from. I've been ranging between mild depression and suicidal for months now - but I'm working on it - that's why it's good for me to get feedback from you guys which will make me actually think as some days I can't even do that.

  Sorry if it seemed like I was picking on you today, and thanks for the PM I'll be sending you one back.

  I too had suffered from a negative outlook, depression and suicidal thoughts all my growing up and most of my adult life, probably why I zoned in on you I recognized some of the symptoms and saw something in you that I recognized in myself. I apologize if I triggered you in any way.

  In her usual great self LadyLee has given some awesome advise this especially will help you get a better if not different perspective on things:

  Sit down and on a sheet af paper make two columns. On one side list the good things that have happened since you left/ On the other side write down the negatives. Then look at the balance ; Then look on each side and evaluate whether those things would have happened even if you were still a JW. Also take a look at whether some of those things happened because you were in a state of post-traumatic stress due to leaving a cult. Would you have made some of those choices regardless of what choices you have made regarding religion. ; Make sure that on your list of positives you list intangible things like ~~~~~~~ of thought and speech, not being afraid of being caught doing or saying something that might be taken the wrong way... ;

  I did a lot of that kind of work to get me out of my depression, it works and yet I see that I can and do come on a bit strong the other way and again I'm sorry if I offended you in any way.

  Maybe someday if you want we can change your member name to Happy emo? Now that would be cool.
• 

  bikerchic

  ((((((Sad emo))))))

  Bikerchic - Assuming you're talking about my negative outlook, yes I know this is where a lot of my problem probably stems from. I've been ranging between mild depression and suicidal for months now - but I'm working on it - that's why it's good for me to get feedback from you guys which will make me actually think as some days I can't even do that.

  Sorry if it seemed like I was picking on you today, and thanks for the PM I'll be sending you one back.

  I too had suffered from a negative outlook, depression and suicidal thoughts all my growing up and most of my adult life, probably why I zoned in on you I recognized some of the symptoms and saw something in you that I recognized in myself. I apologize if I triggered you in any way.

  In her usual great self LadyLee has given some awesome advise this especially will help you get a better if not different perspective on things:

  Sit down and on a sheet af paper make two columns. On one side list the good things that have happened since you left/ On the other side write down the negatives. Then look at the balance ; Then look on each side and evaluate whether those things would have happened even if you were still a JW. Also take a look at whether some of those things happened because you were in a state of post-traumatic stress due to leaving a cult. Would you have made some of those choices regardless of what choices you have made regarding religion. ; Make sure that on your list of positives you list intangible things like freedom of thought and speech, not being afraid of being caught doing or saying something that might be taken the wrong way... ;

  I did a lot of that kind of work to get me out of my depression, it works and yet I see that I can and do come on a bit strong the other way and again I'm sorry if I offended you in any way.

  Maybe someday if you want we can change your member name to Happy emo? Now that would be cool.
• 

  toby888

  I am gradually leaving and my wife is still a believer but still I am getting better. For example, I was able to look at some Hindu religous things and not feel a fearful surge of adrenaline at worrying about being influenced by demons. I can't put a price on freedom of mind like that. I am now becoming more of a secular humanist and my decreasing fear-episodes are giving me the encouragement to continue breaking free. Also, this website is providing me with a place where I can keep my sanity. Thanks Everybody!