Well my JW mother-in-law was at her dad's house today. He invited us over for pizza and also invited her too. He didn't tell her that I would be there. I have no problem with her. When she saw me I said hi and she said nothing. Not surprisingly I was being shunned by her.
Later she tried to get my daughter alone to measure her growth in comparison to her grandma. My daughter said that she could compare height right there. Obvioulsy her grandma wanted to get her alone to witness to her. Later her grandma aka my mother-in-law approaches me and says she isn't talking to me because I DAd and she wished she had known I would be there since she wouldn't have come. None of this surprised me.
Later on my daughter said she felt sick and went to lie down. While resting her grandma approaches her again. This time she is interrupted by my son who had heard what she had said to me previously. He told her that if she couldn't talk to me then she didn't need to talk to any of them. He mentioned about how it was okay to her for me to stop being Catholic and become a JW but that it isn't okay for me to just be a Christian. She stopped talking to him and went home.
When we get home we find out that she left an answering machine message for my son to call her. I had Joel,my husband, call her instead. She spoke with him briefly and asked to speak with me. I said sure. She asked me if I was DAd and I said yes. She asked if I knew that I had left all of the JW's and I said yes. She said that I had left J's people and I said that is her belief which she then interrupted me and said I was wrong. She asked me to respect her beliefs as to why she wouldn't be talking to me. I said fine and asked her to respect mine. I further said that I was raising the kids Christian and had also mentioned in my letter about JW's leaving my kids alone. She said that since she was their grandma it was different for her. She said that she loves me but won't ever talk to me but it does not affect the kids. I reiterated about the new way we are raising the kids as Christians.
Now after all this happened I know my kids can handle talking to grandma. They respect her beliefs but refuse to discuss them. If she persists they can stand up for themselves. I would prefer it if she gave us the same respect that she is demanding for herself. She can call here if she wants but won't be allowed to take them anywhere. Her mental health isn't always good.
So the other shoe has finally dropped since I wrote my letter. I now know how she will be treating me and my family. My family is very happy to have gotten away from JW's but sad that their grandma won't be respecting our decision. All we can do is to stay firm and loving with her. Maybe someday her eyes will be opened to how controlling they are and then we can truly be one happy family.
The other shoe has dropped.
by Andrea Wideman 9 Replies latest jw experiences
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Andrea Wideman
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Mysterious
I think this can very positively show your kids what the witnesses are all about and what they resort to. Even to the point that instead of their grandmother wanting contact with them out of love, she does it out of a bloodguilty duty to convert them. It really does show their true hypocritical powers when they expect you to respect their wishes without respecting yours.
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OldSoul
((((Andrea))))
I am already being largely shunned by my family, and I am not DF'd or DA'd yet. My heart goes out to you. It seems like you have got some children with real backbone! That is to your credit. All you have to do is help them find good questions for Grandma and they may lead her right on out, too.
Was it a relief for it to be out in the open?
Respectfully,
OldSoul -
LittleToe
Am I to understand that her dad is still a Catholic?
Nice touch that he invited y'all over at the same time
It sounds like your kids have their heads screwed on right. It says a lot about the way you are raising them. Well done!
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BrendaCloutier
I'm sorry for the reverberation of the thud from the other shoe. But at least it's on the floor now.
((( Andrea & Joel & Kids )))
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Scully
Your kids did a great job. My kids recently told me that they didn't want to be around people (ie, JWs) who think it's ok to treat their dad and I like we don't exist, but still expect to have a relationship with the children. My youngest said: "If they don't want to talk with my parents, then they aren't going to talk with me either."
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Andrea Wideman
Yes it is a relief to have it all out in the open and her dad is still a Catholic. He is being very supportive of our decisions as usual.
I want to thank everyone for their support and encouragement -
jgnat
If I were in YOUR shoes, I'd be doing my best to twist grandma in a knot.
She asked me to respect her beliefs as to why she wouldn't be talking to me.
There's no way I would make this easy on her. Shunning is a cruel practice. If she wants to to hula hoops to avoid talking to you, and look like a circus clown while she does it, let her. Stand in her way, give her eye contact, reach out a warm hand in greeting. Make her work for her blessed beliefs. Let hubby know that you will be at ALL family events, and if grandma wants access to her grandchildren, she is just darned gonna have to get used to it. Good on dad on making sure you are INCLUDED.
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Soledad
There's no way I would make this easy on her. Shunning is a cruel practice. If she wants to to hula hoops to avoid talking to you, and look like a circus clown while she does it, let her. Stand in her way, give her eye contact, reach out a warm hand in greeting.
I do that to the JWs who shun me it is so damn funny! They really make fools of themselves!
Bravo to your kids!
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Billygoat
((((Andrea)))))
Sorry to hear about the additional pain. But like everyone else said, kudos to your intelligent and caring kids.
My youngest said: "If they don't want to talk with my parents, then they aren't going to talk with me either."
Awesome Scully! Kids see straight through bull-crap like that. Gotta love it!
jgnat,
There's no way I would make this easy on her. Shunning is a cruel practice. If she wants to to hula hoops to avoid talking to you, and look like a circus clown while she does it, let her. Stand in her way, give her eye contact, reach out a warm hand in greeting. Make her work for her blessed beliefs. Let hubby know that you will be at ALL family events, and if grandma wants access to her grandchildren, she is just darned gonna have to get used to it. Good on dad on making sure you are INCLUDED.
You always make me laugh. And this is not something I've ever thought of doing, but I love it!
Andi